Sunday, December 30, 2007
2007.
Seriously the best and worst year in my life so far.
Briefly:
First paycheck.
Coffee Club; love.
Surprisingly good Olevel results.
Chemical engineering.
WAYNE's Death ):
He came back; Mum left.
Confusion.
The fucking shit I went through.
Months of sleepless nights.
Paranoia, Depression, Imsonia.
Withdrawal from Chemical Engineering.
Regret?
SINGfest. ((:
More shit.
More sleepless nights.
More paranoid. More depressed. No sleep.
Not going home for 3 days straight just for fun. (:
KL with mummy or Spore with him (and everything/everyone loved).
Confusion.
Business Process & Systems Engineering. (:
School = love.
Miss my mum much.
Sleepovers.
6th nov.
Amara hotel.
2 of my cousins' wedding. (:
Mum/Dad.
Confusion.
4th Dec. (:
KL trip ((:
& all the new people I've met who are totally amazing.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:45 AM
Thursday, December 20, 2007
You make me smile;
even for just a while.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:43 AM
Thursday, December 13, 2007
When I was young, I made myself believe that they're just playing a trick on my brothers and me. I imagined them laughing so hard because they got us so well. I believed that one fine sunday morning, I'd wake up to a normal family. I'd wake up to something I'd always wanted. Sometimes I convince myself well but other days I questioned how long they planned to play the trick.
And then I remember how I never dared to sing the complete version of the Barney theme song. Only because it goes, "we are happy family". I used to either pause at that moment or say it soft enough only for my ears to hear. I don't know why but I guess I learnt at a young age what happiness is. I thought I'd get scolded to even talk or sing about it. Other times I just don't want to be in denial.
You know they say everything will come to an end and one day the sun will shine for us. I'm just wondering that maybe certain things are meant to be broken. It started out broken and will remain broken. No matter how good you are at covering up, how you fake the laughter, how you try to maintain peace.
Some things remain broken;
whether you like it or not.
& that is the part of yourself nobody can ever heal.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:52 PM
Monday, December 10, 2007
I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason but don't give me choice.
Cos I'll just make the same mistake again.
And maybe someday we will meet,
and maybe talk and not just speak.
Don't buy the promises because,
there are no promises I keep,
and my reflection troubles me,
so here I go.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:46 PM
Sunday, December 09, 2007
You, you never looked so good;
as you did last night.
& I swear you looked right through me.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:58 PM
Thursday, December 06, 2007
The way you feel and the kind of things your think about at a certain time of the month is just so unbelievable. Believe me, I have the previous entry as a proof. And from the past months too. Haha.
Things are bound to get shitty. Its just the way life is. Can't change that so we all have to deal with it well. Change our attitude towards it. Sometimes change is good. Sometimes change is inevitable.
I've been through this far and I'm convinced I can take in more, just to feel. It surely do hurt inside but I guess I've learnt to conceal that. Life is good; it really is. We just don't know how to play it well.
I just haven't found out how to stop wishing that we can go back to the past, to the times where we were so young. Back when we all could live as
o n e.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:26 PM
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
When you finally realize you don't matter to someone;
you start to wonder if you matter to anyone.
unwilling solitude.
I'm starting to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what exactly is wrong. Maybe like something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know.
Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?
I don't know the answer, I only know that I can't. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am seventeen and I am already exhausted.
I hate this feeling but I'm falling apart once again.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:22 PM
