SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Tell me why can't I be there where you are.

Confused. Lonely. Afraid.
Why do i always have feelings for all the wrong things, for all the wrong people?

(How can it be you're asking me to feel, the things you never show?)

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:27 PM

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The trouble with love is

It can tear you up inside

Make your heart believe a lie

It's stronger then your pride

The trouble with love is

It doesn't care how fast you fall

And you can't refuse the call

See you've got no say at all

I swore I'd never love again

I swore my heart would never mend

Said love wasn't worth the pain

But then I hear it call my name

Every time I turn around

I think I've got it all figured out

My heart keeps calling

And I keep on falling

Over and over again

This set story always ends the same

Me standing in the pouring rain

It seems no matter what I do

It tears my heart in two

Kelly Clarkson - The Trouble With Love Is

---

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:43 PM

"At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.

Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth.

Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls.

And sometimes…all you need is one."

You could be the one.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:22 AM

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Pre-Prom was hilarious. I think. Heh. I woke up at about 11 that morning and cleaned my room. Lol. Like seriously CLEAN it up. Stacked some books and throw some papers away. I've been wanting to do that since like 8 months ago. haha. And then i had a reallyyyy longggg bathe and packed all my prom stuffs. Went to Vybes hair saloon and got my hair done. It was damn nice. I think. I really like the curls at the back. Speaking of it, i really miss curly hair. and my chance of being called a curly bastard by the belo is coming soon. lol. anyway, went off to atiqa belo's house. Feeza and nazura were already there. Drank coke, (WOOHOO) while they ate. haha. and then they took turns to bath. While i was online the whole time. So then we changed, put on our make up. (: Nadiah anwar and Radhia came. And as usual, EVERYONE else was dressed up with make up and everything; except for me. haha. and no, they did not wait for me this time. hurhur.

not exactly hilarious, uh?

Prom was not very wow. lol. The host was okay and as usual we bitches were the most enthusiastic . They did'nt call us the enthusiastic bunch for nothing you know! :D Anyhoos, Alif, yes OUR Alif won the title of Prom King. (: Thanks to our screaming and... well yeah, screaming. hah. Naqiah won Prom Queen. Anyway, everything else sucked. lol. i think. Except for the final part where all the teachers left and we all danced the night away like fuckers. haha. but that was hilarious to the extreme! (: Surely the highlight of the night, i would say. ((:

Post prom, we headed to Rishi's chalet. I was feeling like a mother fucker then. Firstly my mum was annoying me. And then Nadiah got drunk. No, it was not funny. And then i saw a few cats who looked oh so hungry. ): I started crying like an ass i tell you! uhhh. everything else was too depressing. Went back to atiqa's house and slept like a pig. well, actually no. i was coughing like an ass. and sleeping with belo did not help it. haha.

me, fiza hanafi, nadiah anwar, atiqa belo, shalu, radhea. (:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:59 PM

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

http://http://www.catwelfare.org/page/id/27

Constantly i wonder, how can anyone ever hate or abuse something so beautiful. What exactly brings satisfaction to all you fuck up people out there?

Sincerely, over the years i believe that i care and love for cats more than i do for you human beings. Whats all this donation going around for all the poor people? I'm sorry but at least as human beings you have the ability and equal chance to go all out and make a living. How about these cats who have no say at all? i don't care how about the feelings of you human beings anymore, and i think you ALL should just fuck up and die. Like die now please.

And to those of you who always go "Oh come on, its just a cat!". I sincerely would like to express my deepest sense of hatred towards you. Excuse me, you homo sapien, EVERY living thing has got a life, unlike you. Every animal - cats, dogs, chicken and cow, have got feelings. Which you don't. They feel loved, afraid, alone and hungry too. I swear, they really do. Trust me on this one, I really know. Because i've seen it in their eyes. I really have.

You really don't know how it feels like, fighting your tears whenever you see a stray meowing at you because it's hungry and you have no kitty food with you or seeing a kitten look so lost, hungry and appalled by how cruel this world is.

You don't know how it feels like hoping and wishing and praying and crying for your first lost cat to return home after almost 3 years but you somehow know that you won't see it ever again. and you keep praying for a miracle still.

You don't know how it feels like looking at your cat sleep and find yourself in tears because you began wondering how life would be like when your cat dies or disappears from your life.

You don't know how it feels like when you see a abused kitten or cat running away from you when you were trying to treat their wounds because they think that all human beings are the same.

You don't know. You really don't know.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:50 AM

Can somebody tell me why

These chicks keep falling for the same guy

It's been going on for a while now

I'm feeling so much more

I'm trying really hard

But I can't stop from crying

What, do i think i'm falling in love?

If I'm not I'd be lying

Why am I hanging on

To such a memory

Too strong that I can't let go even though I'm trying

With the happiness

You're telling me when we will ever be what we used to be again?

Now tell me what am I gonna do

Can't escape right 'cause I think of you

I close my eyes, I see your face, makes me feel all alone

Just make me wanna take a breath and take it

It's a rush

Flashbacks dreaming about the both of us

Do I really wanna wake up

Oh no - because when I do you're not with me

That's when reality hits me

I get weak in the knees, can't function me

No, can't breathe

My friends see changes in me

Always be dremaing if once be

If still today be a part of a heart, always will be

Your beautiful soul and smile is all I need

My mind has been so tired I

have no words to say

I'm feelin' so frustrated

I wish l could walk away

So now what am I supposed to do

Without you here with me

I'm going in and out

I'm feelin up and down

So baby hear when I say

All of my life

I've waited for someone like you

I feel it when I look at you

In your eyes I see the truth

All of my life

I've spent day and day just loving you

And when you're away, I'm missing you

Now tell me what am I gonna do

All of my life

I'll give you everything you'll ever need

Always be a part of me

You're the reason that I breathe

All of my life

I've spent day and day just loving you

And when you're away, I keep missing you

Now tell me what am I gonna do

nura esmerelda; november 21st.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:44 AM

Sunday, November 19, 2006

HELLO YOU ALL!

YES, i am not dead yet. Heh! Olvls is just almost over, you all! Which simply means my life is about to begin! (: There's just sooooo many things to do after tmr! Ah, big fuck. Tmr's only bio/chem mcq! THERE'S SO GONNA BE PRATA PARTY TMR! :D

There'll be our dear Prom at Hilton Hotel on the 23rd, mesmerized's (thats US!) chalet on the 24th till 26th at east coast!! And of course 402's (OMG I LOVE MY CLASS) bbq on the 25th, bhumiband's performance at rapsodi and Ard's performance at... if i remember correctly, Plaza Singapura. But of course i highly doubt my presence since my 25th is so stucked at eastcoast! (: and :( and then, my drumming lessons will start on the 27th! i also need a job by then to pay Wayne! and i so want to work at Fox Women! ): (SOMEBODY HELP ME!!) i also have Red Camp (!!) at NP on the 30th till 2nd dec. Mira and me got into the GREEN team. Which is sad cause Yana's in YELLOW. Khai is also in YELLOW. So why green for the birdys, you ask? i also don't know! Ask NP LA!! and not forgeting the i-really-dont-know-who's-birthday on the 4th of dec! (:

PS: 4TH December is soooo NEARING! (: (YOU ALL BETTER DON'T ACT DON'T KNOW AH!!)

okay loves, I think (think only ah!) i should go do some sexay saucy mcqs now! Since like i'm planning to score full marks for this component, heh!

much love,
nura esmerelda.

Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes;
I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life.
It's you that I live for, and for you I die.
So I'll lay here with you till the final goodbye.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:56 PM

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Yesterday i discovered something which would scare the shit out of me until the day i die.

What do you say to someone who has the ability to "read" a person, and tell you everything about that person? Well, maybe not everything. But things she really would not know because she have never heard things about the person or even met that person? What do you say to her when she said all the right things? What would you say to her? How do you comprehend the fact that oh, she's one of your closest friends?

I don't think i'm going to mention her name here but my loves, people like Feeza, Diyanah, Ria, Sarah and Carine were there with me. What she said about my father was super true. There was nothing bad about it anyway, since my father is undeniably the best father ever. But she mentioned something, something so bad it hurts to keep inside. You see, i don't know if its true. But so far i don't think its true at all. And oh god, please don't let it be true. ):

I was taken aback by what she said initially because it all seemed so true. I first teared when she said all the things about my dad. Those things have always made me proud. And i cried because, i was so thankful to god that my daddy is really how i think he is. not like i needed a confirmation or anything, you know. But i was so filled with gratitude and i felt like i miss my father so much. Which i really do.

But there was another one thing she said. It hit me everywhere real hard. Because of all the things she had mentioned, i feel mostly uncertain by this one. It hurts because as far as i'm concern, its not true. But there is a chance of it being true. Maybe not now, but perharps in the future. And i'm so afraid of it. Afraid.

I was so afraid it turn into anger. (Say sorry to Dhea for pissing her off). But then i started crying over and over again. I tried to study when i reached home. But i began crying and i could'nt concentrate for nuts. Thank god mummy did'nt see. Or.... or, things are bound to get worst.

I'm not the type of person who would cry at a sudden thought or something but i've changed into someone like that. Even as i'm typing this, my eyes are filled with tears.

I abhor having to grow up, and forcing to face the fact that all the people you love, particularly your dad and mum, won't be there for too long. Remember how we use to be when we were young? How nothing could stop us from being truly purely happy. How your mummy and daddy can fix everything for you. When i fell and skided my knees and cried, i knew my mum and dad would come and kiss the pain away. Even now, i still feel very much secured when i have my parents beside me.

Now that my dad is working in KL, i miss him even more each day. I remember how when i was young, i use to rush to the door every night my dad return home from work. I remember how i would cry on the phone if he returns a little too late. I remember how he taught me to read almost everthing we could get hold of. Thinking of it, my dad was the one who triggers my love for books. I remember kissing him on his cheeks. And the feel of his chin after he shave. I remember sitting on his lap watching tv. I remember how he use to bring home EGG TARTs on certain nights. Why do you people i love egg tarts so much? I remember how my daddy would make sure NOT a single cockroach gets near me. He really made sure not one got anywhere near me. i'm seriouly serious. That is certainly the reason why i'm dead scared of cockroaches.

Sincerely, until yesterday night, i never thought much about it. But its so damn clear now,

My fellow bloggers,
I have the best father in the whole wide whole. He's my hero and I love my father like I've never love anyone else. (Except of course, my mum.)

Ahh, go tell your daddy you love him today! And don't forget to do the same tmr! (:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:04 AM