SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Dear Mommy,I am in Heaven now...I so wanted to be your littlegirl. I don't quite understand what has happened.I was so excited when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place.I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days,I felt a special bonding between you and me.Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much.One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy.That same day, the most horrible thinghappened. Avery mean Monster came into that warm,comfortableplace I was in. I was so scared, I beganscreaming, but you never once tried to helpme.Maybe you never heard me.The monster got closer and closer as I wasscreaming and screaming, "Mommy,Mommy, help meplease! Mommy, help me." Complete terror isall Ifelt. I screamed and screamed until I thought Icouldn't anymore. Then the monster startedripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain ican never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how Ibegged it to stop. I screamed in horror as itripped my leg off. Though I was in suchcompletepain, I was dying. I knew I would never seeyourface or hear you say how much you love me.I wanted to make all your tears go away. I hadsomany plans to make you happy. Now Icouldn't, allmy dreams were shattered. Though I was inutterpain and horror, I felt the pain of my heartbreaking, above all.I wanted more than anything to be yourdaughter.No use now, for I was dying a painful death. Icould only imagine the terrible things that theyhad done to you. I wanted to tell you that I loveyou before I was gone, but I didn't know thewordsyou could understand. And soon, I no longerhadthe breath to say them; I was dead. I feltmyselfrising. I was being carried by a huge angelinto abig beautiful place. I was still crying, but thephysical pain was gone.The angel took me away to a wonderfulplace. ThenI was happy. I asked the angel what was thethingwas that killed me. He answered, "Abortion. Iamsorry, for I know how it feels." I don't knowwhatabortion is, I guess that's the name of themonster.I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell youhow much I wanted to be your little girl. I triedvery hard to live. I wanted to live. I had thewill, but I couldn't; the monster was toopowerful.It sucked my arms and legs off and finally gotallof me. It was impossible to live. I just wantedyou to know I tried to stay with you. I didn'twant to die.Also, Mommy, please watch out for thatabortionmonster.Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you togothrough the kind of pain I did. Please becareful.Love,Your Baby Gir
lPRO CHOICE??? DO YOU THINK THESEBABIES CHoOSE TODIE???This Is Dedicated To The Memory Of All TheAbortedBabies Throughout The World.Please pass this on to as many people as ucan ifu have a heart, u will. I posted this for you toread cuz i know u have a heart n will post it toothers, so that they will know what happens totheir child and all the pain the baby goesthroughwhen they abort their baby.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:33 PM

Thursday, February 24, 2005

its all left of you for me to hold on to.

Haha.k school was so the tootings fun I swear.ahha.wennaa oldies home aft school.that was fun.and a strange thing happened.k so there was this nenek la she npt that old I guess.and she was like telling us our fututre when she look at our palm.ahah.yes.k so at first I thoooought was fun ah so I waited for like my turn.but she started saying strange things when she was reading fana’s and hamidah’s hands and feeza and naz.like funneh la.she was saying abt when we will get married la if he will be good and number of children.when suddenly she said some stuffs abt fana’s mum which I shall not mention la.haah.but strangely it was true.and she said that if fana did not take care of her mum properly,she would be without a mum at a young age.i was like omg siaah.i mean isnt tat scary?? Hah.den she told hamidah tat her mum will get an illness soon.woah liddat onla mice and I got like kinda strange.aha.we so dint want to do it lor.aha.k so yeh.tat like tootings.haha.but well had fun la at the home.got cute kittens.aha.madness siaah everyone was chasing it.aha.k den went back to school and I walked with feeza and fana home.they wenna 423 laa.as usual.aha.den I got home and had a talk with my mum.i swear she rawk man.aha.k so im goin to get lenses tonight when we’re going out for dinner.aha.

ahha.realised i have been having reallay weird mood swings.aha.K so yeh.have fun lovables.love you yaya.and oh, rezza owns a tempe shop.haha.k so yeh.shuush.BYE!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
6:55 PM

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

these days,it seems that others are trying to lead my life.they are controling everything.fuck off pls.what is their problem? i dun blame my mum i noe she cares for me but that irritating auntie and uncle i have, i wish they would jus shut up and yea,take care of their own children.why am i like sucha a bad bitch to them? they fucking dont understand.its like u anyhow agree on a tuition for me at like 8 at night till 10 at YOUR house and when i cant make it woah u arre sucha a BASTARD ASS HOLE.i cannot made it cus i was busy studaying right.no like i was fucking around.all u do is talk and talk and u actually noe nuts about anything i have.you expect me to go for maths turuion when i have ss and historay and malay paper the next dae? chibai la. and now another maths tuition when i have BIO and FnN tmr.fuckers.not like the stupid teacher is of any good.what does he do? he jus sit there and i swear he doesnt even peep into my book.and when i ask question ljike wat the fuck answer like dun want liddat.i cannot take this anymore.tuition ends at like 10 at night and then i have to go hom and by then i reached at like 11 and i ususally tired alreaday by the travelllllllling and chibai how to studay alreaday? and im suppose to get straight As omg im am not your dog k? i hate they u speak and everyone else agrees with u.u are NOT big and i NOT afraid of you.wait one day u will see what im actually made of.and den u cal me a bad gal.i have always hated going to your house and you make it worst.chibai,i swear the onlay reason i go is cus of my grandma.not cause old crap.fuck off laa.

so im going to his house today and fuck him if he say anything cus nothing he sae today is gonna bring me down. i actually cried k in school so yea.sorry la.i wont cry in front of ur loser face.LOSER.i hate u and your 'good' tution teacher.FUCK OFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!i dun care if ur my uncle.jus tooting go away la k.

saw him in the morning and i saw her also.i swearrr they caused this shits today.fuck la.i miss my bf.he didnt rebond his hair.ahah.

esmerelda_sorrows
Mengapakah aku masih menunggu
Dan masih menagih kasihmu

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:28 PM

Monday, February 21, 2005

just come back from school.oh god k so had chem and english common test jus now.i swear i screwed all the balancing equations questionss.wtf.like got 10 or more question on tat can.grr.not fair ah farhan's paper dun have it.arrrrgh.k screw.k den after sch wenna meet mr malek for maths class test.but he canceled it to tmr.lamer.k den met shalulu and farhan and we walked to bedok.den they accompanay me wait for bus.den yeh they went off for netball match.k so yea.

somethings just aint right.like between us as in mesmerized.betrayals.but well some people think tat the rest dunno their lies.ahha.sorray ah.we know it.so stop the crap.ahaha.k so yeh.haha.well yep.theyu havin netty matych now.so yeaa.good luck!oh yeaa had fun man yyesterday.ahha.at siglap mac.wenna studay with atiqa shalu dhea farhan and alif.i love the toilet man i swear.haha.damn huge.all of us actualy went in and jus chilled in there.haha.damn big and clean.like u ca fuck on the floor i swear.ahah.k so yeh.

sometimes what someone who use to be in your life does now hurts.but there nothing u can do about it cus,well,he's jus not part of you anymore.but what can be done? cus it hurts. sugar-coated promises.i should have known.ahha.k can.haish.and sometimes u suddenly start seeing some bad hings about a friend.when they start some crap.its hard la but haish.jus make me realise that best friends cannot be trusted.k not all dun get me wring.but yea.sometimes whenu trust someone too mch...manay things tend to happen.

so yeah.at last i blogged.tmr shall blog agen.BYE my lovables! omg so tmr's shaluuluu's burfdae.haha.happay burfdae dearx.k 15th burfdae.
tats so unfair,i jus turn 14!!
ahah.k so yea.

esmerelda_sorrows
esmerelda_ayee
esmerelda_dhea
esmerelda_brown
err,got anymore??

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:50 PM

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Tak dapat nakku gambarkan sayang
Betapa kuatnya cintaku ini
Hanya tuhan saja yang tahu niatku yang suci
Ingin terus hidup bahagia denganmu
Dari hari ke hari kurasa
Kasih sayang kusemakin dalam
Tak pernah kubenci padamu

Walaupun hatiku pernah dilukai

Jangan kau pergi meninggalkanku

Tak sanggupku berpisahmu
Bagaimana nanti bila aku rindu
Dimana tempat nakku bermanja
Demi tuhanku sayang padamu
Airmata menjadi saksinya
Bagaimana lagi hendakku buktikan
Kesetiaannya cintaku ini
Apakah lagi yang kau mahu
Tak cukupkah pengorbananku
Semoga kau mengerti perasaanku
Betapa ikhlasnya cintaku
Bila hatiku sudah sayang
Bukan mudah nakku lupakan
Biarpun pedih dugaan
Relaku hadapi sayang
Cinta lahir dari lubuk hati
Bukan sengaja di paksa - paksa
Sekali bilaku jatuh cinta
selamanyaaku ingin bersamamu

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:10 PM

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I'm just the fool
That you can kick around
The loser who picks you up when you are down
The girl in glasses who sits next to you
Who always tells you that you're great
And fixes all your big mistakes
And when she goes and breaks your heart
I get the call
only when you fall apart
I don't think so

I hate your call waiting
Cause I know you're on the line with her
You click back, it's so frustrating
Cause you don't remember where we were
You ask what movies that I've seen
You wanna know what's good
But she's the one who gets to go when I should
I don't think so

Hey I got somethin' to say
Someday you'll realize I was the one by then it's gonna be too late
You'll be sorry
Hey don't give me that face
This is for every girl alive who's heart's been broken by a boy like you
This is for every girl alive who's heart's been broken by a boy like you

Loser

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:36 PM

Thursday, February 03, 2005

We did not plan it to be this way,
But things have gotten so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we was teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream .

haha.i wish.ahha.k so yeh.i jus love that part of mocking bird.ahah.k so yeh.btw i met zabir just now.ahaha. he damn cute noe.i miss him.ahha.kk so yeh.BYE!
ooh k shhush mesmerised-
feeza #00
yaya #04
mya #05
farhan #06
dhea #07
atique!!!!! [she rawks] #08
atiqa #09
alif #10
fizah #14
shalulu #23
soyah # 67
nazeema # ?? not sure(=

haha.k so yeh.BYE!

esmerelda_
[i miss you i love you i hate you]
i cant seem to chose one.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:08 PM