SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Friday, September 29, 2006

When the situation is trying its best to bring me down, there's always these 6 creatures who put a smile on my face. Let's take a journey and discover all those who deserves my every kiss! ((:

The two black ones...

miss po; She was to be a stray cat for almost all her life. Until my mummy and me brought her home to safe her from some angmo who was making a big fuss over her and who was abusing her. Right now, she's the closest to me and sits with me when i study. Ahh, just look at the background of this picture - see my books? yeay. The funny thing about ms po is that you can really tell hows she's feeling by her facial expression. yes, its true! This is especially so when she's angry at golden for disturbing her when golden gets high. she's excellent and she's mine! (:

sweetie; Don't be fooled by the name, sweetie's actually a male cat. haha. Though he was never a stray cat, he never did exactly grew up in our house. He just suddenly appeared out of godknowswhere one night below my void deck and taadah! he became sweetie and we brought him home. haha. I can seriously tell you that this guy is truly madly deeply good looking! Like seriously, he's just so handsome. Anyway, sweeties loves hanging out late at night and he don't usually come home on some nights. He's also one of golden's prime target when golden's high. sweetie is love. (:
---
The two very fat garfields...

mas; Yes, yes, my very fat mas! Mas was actually mistaken for golden when golden went missing for a week. my mum went hysterical and mas was the closest looking to golden and thus she needed him somehow. haha. anyway, mas is the closest to my brother samir and he seems to really enjoy the music samir plays! He's the only one golden never attacks but when they play, its so cute i can die from laughing. Plus mas and golden are so alike these days!!

golden; he's been with us eversince he was only about 4 weeks old? ok im not sure but yes. He's my mum's favourite, no doubt. Always fighting with me and he get this, he KISSES you when he's hungry. Like you know, how we kiss each other. I'm not kidding. Pobably i shall take a video of it one day and post it. thats because he's obvioulsy one of the most kissed cat alive. haha. he's alwayssssss highhh and he makes me smile. (:
---
And, the two blue eyes...

milo; he's hilarious! lol. Its funneh how he always pushes me when i go down the staircase. not like his pushes are strong enough to make me fall. but yeah. don't ask me why his name is milo. i didnt have any say in that. he sends me off to the bus stop, if not to the next blk everytime i leave my house. he's perfect!

radhea; the youngest and she's wayyyyyyyy cuter than radhea jamal kazura!!!!!

Okay, enough said. i'm getting tired actually.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:27 AM

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Happy Bday, mum! (:

At this point of time, i've got a confirmed 6 points for only 2 subjects. And thats only for my two languages. Like how terrible can my results get; how terrible can I get? ): I'm too ashamed to reveal my english grade cus its just )))): and i cannot believe the a2 for malay! (: Oh, i just revealed my english grade didnt i. )':

They really should grade my english from my blogging. yes? err?

Lets just hope my literature would be like excellent or something. (hah!) And oh! I passed combined Humanities! Its just too good to be true. lol. Like, imagine, a d7 to a c5? hmm? oh, cut me some slack -you have NO idea how much history elective hates me!! Nyeh. I screwed my f&n paper but my coursework's pretty good (-I think. Imagine, losing sooo much sleep just for it.)

Lately I've been doing a lot of chemistry. But you guys, I don't understand why I can't seem to pass it. Its sad, really. To think that i studied real hard (maybe not smart enough) for chemistry and the marks did not show it. and I only studied biology on my way to school on the morning of the paper and I got like 68% for the bloody paper. Now, if only we are taking pure biology. I would be very honoured (?) to screw chemistry. Bleh.

And...let's not talk about maths! (;

muchlove!!

It takes no time to fall in love. But it takes you years to know what love is.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:02 AM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

When I lost you, I played a part I never really knew,
Letting go, is the best thing I could do.
Before you turn that knife, you have to say you'll cut me down
And letting go is effortless now
You found me out.

But I can't come down, anymore
I'm here till you say it isn't so.
I'm in hope
And I can't come down, anymore.
No I'm on a road I've never known.
And there's no way home.

I found something, I would die from now
I don't feel fit to live.
Are you the one it finishes with?
I spend my days thinking of you, praying you would think of me.
Was I wrong to let you just leave me?

And I can't come down, anymore
I'm here till you say it isn't so..
I'm in hope
And I can't come down anymore.
No I'm on a road I've never known.
On my ownnnnnnnnnnnnn....

And I wanna know, what things you see up close in lies, they dissapear
And I wanna know, if I was just a waste of time for you
I want you to say... if you're with ~~him~~ her alone, or someone new,
But I can't come down, til you do.

But I can't come down, anymore.. until you say it isn't so.
I'm in hope.. And I can't come down, anymore.
No I'm on a road I've never known.
On my own...

And I I can't come down, anymore.
No I'm on a road Ive never known.
And there's no way home.

Embrace - "I can't come down"

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:32 PM

Sunday, September 24, 2006

I'm sorry. There have been many instances where I have betrayed your trust, and I know that I tend to hurt your feelings. But this was never how I have wanted things to end up. And I know none of you want this to happen either. And I guess it's time I let everything out.

Things have never been easy. I'm sure you'll say that, yeah, everyone has their share of problems, but I guess in the end, it's how much pressure you can take inside of you. When you have absolutely nothing to hang on to, no one to listen to you, it starts to eat you up from the inside. And I guess it gets worse when you begin to lose everything you have stood up for.

Over the years, things change. People change. I know I can't have everything the way they have always been, even when that is what I have always wanted. But sometimes it is just painful when even the best of buddies suddenly begin to have doubts about each other.

I admit I have talked behind you back before. I guess I was jealous of the fun happenings in your life, but most of all, I was angry that you changed into someone who was so different than the one I knew back then. I used to be able to talk to you, but now we seem so distant. I miss the old girl I could cry with, but now I'm beginning to accept who you are. And I thank you for making an effort to blog about this. Though I knew you would not care anymore.

Sorry again, my dear friend. (if I can still call you that)

I have always hoped that nothing will come between you and me. Things did not turn out that way. Never let anything come between us all. Enough of those doubts between each other. They will never bring any good to us. They only make us distance ourselves from the true feelings that we have.

If you're leaving, please don't turn back and hurt us all again. And my only wish is for you to stay.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:29 PM

Dear homo sapiens,

Nunu thinks letting your anger out or trying to send across a message by blogging is simply childish, lowborn and a gutless wonder act. But since that is exactly whats going on, she does'nt really has a choice, does she?

Firstly, Nunu would like to apologise to anyone who think that she's been a fence-sitter or a restrained character. She initially believe there was never a comflict involving two different groups of friends. She thought it was a group of friends with a little tiny puny problem within themselves. She thought wrong.

Secondly, Nunu knows that she tends to be straight-forward and sacastic. So much so that it irritates everyone around her. But she believes that when there is a problem, all has to be said. No feelings, no matter how minor should be left inside. Cause it would only lead to a futher conflict some time later. But oh well, her friends don't think so. And thus she's always asked to shut up when it comes to conflicts.

Don't be too mean, they tell her. But there's just a bloody lit student in her, she can't fucking help it. So she tries to keep it all inside, up till the point she does'nt say anything anymore. Boy, did that hurt her. You simply don't seem to care or bother. Thats the problem. One way or another, she's still wrong.

And then Nunu finds herself in a situation where Shalini has a new friend in her life. Nunu feels happy for her old good friend. She really does, but thats not the point. Everyone tried oh so hard to fit in. Yes, everyone else tried to fit in. Funny situation for Nunu and her friends, I must say. But some people are unable to accept differences, some only has a personal agenda to fill. Thats exactly how wars are triggered, you all know?

Plus Nunu would appreciate it if everyone would admit on what they have ever said and not deny it. Oh come on, we've seen enough of your bullshits.Nunu can use the holy book of quran and swear upon her after life, she said what she heard. And no, it does'nt really matter if you decide deny it yet again. Cause you don't matter too much anymore anyway. Opps, there I go again. But if Nunu does'nt care, why should I bother?

Nunu would like to again apologise for not going straight to the point. You see, contrary to popular believe, she's not too good with words. That prolly why she got me to do this for her. But anyway, I think every single one of Nunu's friends been bottling this up; this fact that they do cannot accept Shalini's new friend that easily. Forcing won't help either. And earth to you homo sapiens, it takes both hands to clap.

It won't happen if Nunu and her friends takes the initiative to go have breakfast with Shalini and her friend; but somehow along the way Shalini and her friend decides that they want to tell Shalini's other friends that Shalini would like to send her friend somewhere safe first and then join her other friends. And it must have hurt Shalini's other friends when they saw Shalini and her friend at Macdonalds eating, looking oh so healthy. Correct me if I'm wrong but thats what Nunu and her friends saw.

Anyway, my darling Nunu was pretty disappointed about this whole issue; she's has not been feeding me! ):

With much Friskies, Iams and Whiskas;
Your Feline companion,
Mas. (:

I was forced to fast today and I'm very very hungry. Even Nunu is not fasting! ):

and look, the bloody radhea is eating...

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:43 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Wait, before I sleep. I forgot to mention!!! (;

A new addition to our family! (: Her name is Radhea (at the present moment!). She's lovely. I knew I would love her!! ((:

Everybody needs to be loved. ((:

loves to all. (:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:51 PM

I've just reach home from and i'm very sleepy. So Literature paper 1 was okay. I really thought it would be more difficult but mdm Rubiah is an excellent teacher so she sets it the best. lol. whatever. Went to Lj with Nazura and Soyah after. Only Soyah ate though. Cus Naz and me ate in school. Anyway we talked and all. I love Soyah because she listens to me even when I talk too much of absolute crap. (:

But anyway people, just when I thought I am over and done with F&N, Mrs Irene spotted something which I knew was wrong but Rukshana-the-ass was being such an ass and she just shut up about it. Urgh. So in other words I'll have to cook 2 more dishes which consist of seafood. And it would be crappy, really. I just totally suck at cooking laa. ): But she allowed us to bring from home and just take picture in school so that ought to be good. or at least better? But it would be on Friday. I planned to skip school on Friday!!! Double ):

And thenn, Mrs Irene was telling me that she talked to Ms StephanieTeo and APPARENTLY ms teo said i'm a very quiet pupil. LOL. Like haha!! And the Mrs Irene mentioned somemore things MsTeo said (which i would not mention here), and i felt so pressurised. lol. And with that, i'm just very afraid of letting you/everyone down. ):

I'm afraid afraid afraid. At the end of the day, I'd like to question you, "Do i make you proud?" and the only reply i want from you is a simple "Yes". But I'm so unsure of everything!! Except for the fact that I need to sleep now. Omg, you guys realise that I'm very much a pig? ): and a (: please. haha.

I guess I've learned, to question is to grow

That you still have faith, is all I need to know

I've learned to love, myself in spite of me

And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe

This what we I dream about but the only question with me now

Is do I make you proud?

Stronger than I've ever been now

Never been afraid of standing out

But do I make you proud?

Oh my loves, I'm going off. (:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:48 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I've been thinking a lot about how school is ending soon, how it might affect our lives and the friendship we've made over the four years. Four years. It's not exactly a very long time to me, you know. But to think of everything that has happened in the four years; which has changed my life in all the possible ways, it kind of suck to know that it might just stay at four years.

We've been through a lot, my friends. Fights, quarrels. Ups, downs. Along the four year journey we've taken together, many upexpected and traumatic things may have happened but hey, I regret none of them. Thinking of all those fights we had, all those time spent together, those memories have brought us here today. We've became the person we are, the person that our friends love.

I cannot help wondering what will happen after next year. Yes, we may promise to stay in touch, ring each other up. But remember how we made this same promise to our primary school friends? We may still be in touch, but we both know, its just not the same. Being friends and being just acquaintances. Its different. It really is.

I don't want to lose it all.
Lets make it last. (:

---

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember

Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you

Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
Oh, that's what friends are for

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:15 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Bottom Line
You might find yourself smack dab in the middle of a juicy situation today. Enjoy!

In Detail
You might find yourself smack dab in the middle of a juicy situation today. If so, you'll need to keep your ears and eyes open -- and your mouth shut! If you spill any details, you run a real risk of getting a black mark on your reputation. Take advantage of your position in this thing as a source of entertainment, not a source of power. What you know (or find out) needs to go no further! Just watch and have fun. You'll be able to talk about it soon enough.

---
Its funny and weird how Friendster's horoscopes sort of reveal some secrets. Yes? Nyeh, you really don't understand. (; I was told of many things today, secrets of all sorts, and boy, am I having fun.

Anyway, you know how some people whom you know but you don't know? lol. Like you've seen them around or perharps they're a friend of a friend or some myspacer or friendsters'. But anyway, sometimes I think I reveal too much sometimes. But somehow I feel good after that. Thanks. (:

OMG!!!

BREAKING NEWS: Zahir is born!! (Read:Auntie Radhea!!!) YEAYY!!

lovelove!!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:45 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

I found something, I would die from now

I don't feel fit to live.

Are you the one it finishes with?

I spend my days thinking of you prayin you would think of me.

Was I wrong to let you just leave me?

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:48 PM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put em in a letter
Thought it might be easier
The words might come out better
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you

Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that remain since you've been gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you

Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no....
Tried to erase the way the memories
But some things a girl can never forget

P.S. I'm still not over you

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:19 PM

Guess who just came online? (: But, neh.

Its almost four in the morning and i'm very much awake. This sucks, i tell you. Plus i'm pretty much intimidated by the cockroaches who appears to really love my room tonight. oh fuck you all, i'm sleeping the living room tonight. or morning rather. but shh. i shouldnt let them know, should i.

I've got my English lessons later at noon. As much as i love the language and the way the woman speaks, i hate being forced to do all those comprehensions. i rarely hand them in anyway, cus she gives like 2 comprehension passage and an essay almost every week. and recently she has been going on on how some people have not been handing in. and i look at her with the "its not me look" and she replied with a "you're right" look. neh neh right. But the language is so beautiful i want to go on studying it. Maybe not.

Okay I really should get going, should'nt I. Today's going to be a loooong day. but i will have to sleep early too. cus i cannot afford to be so hung up on monday morning. AND i certainly hope they wont make us draw tomato or cucumber or anything like that for biology practical man. cus i fucking cannot draw.

Are cockroaches attracted to people who cannot draw?
i wonder.

I really miss my dad. Not sure whens he's coming back though. I remember how he would kill any cockroach which got in my way then. Which probably contributed to my fear of that little brown thing.

Times like this i really wish he's around to kill the cockroaches. ):

Aaahhhh. alifarhannadheatiqa+feeza, i miss+loveee you guys.
pretty much. (:
whatever happened to us?

i miss you too, you know.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:50 PM

Friday, September 08, 2006

Looking back, I'm full of regrets. I told my friends that you were the best. And as i stand, just watching the rain. I pray that you would open your eyes and be here once again. But i know, i know things always have to change.

I will never, smile because i saw you smiling at me. I will never, laugh because we shared an inside joke. I will never, cry because you said it was for me. I will never, scream because you said there's a cockroach below the table. I will never. I will never ever again.

Someone once told me that I'm living in denial. I told her I'm not and that I know what i'm doing. I said I know what I'm waiting and searching for. She told me that I'm lying to myself. I told her I'm not. Perharps I was right. Perharps at that point of time I was blinded. But now, looking back, I guess she's right. I really don't know why I'm waiting and what I'm waiting for. What exactly do I see? You, of course.

So suave and sexy. Doing all that thing you do. And all the other things that you do, too. You practically steal my thoughts. and my time. (heh.) I was amazed by every little thing that you do. You're amazing, you know? But above all that, you kept playing games with my heart. Why, I wonder.

The hardest part of holding on is letting go.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
6:02 PM

Ahhhh.

A few things has happened eversince i last updated. And again, i shall be listing them. Haha! Okay you all, here we go:

I sprained my right ankle yesterday. Hoho! Like thanks eh. i fell down (but got right up!) somewhere near Giordano at bedok central. I missed the steps and as a result, i salah landing ah. haha. Funny cus i remember planning to like miss the next step and go the last. So how the hell did i miss all 3 steps? And the best part was Shalini and Soyah (the ultimate sadists and her bestfriend), saw the whole thing from behind. And not forgotting Feeza who was with me plus the bunch of sec 5 boys behind us. GEREK SEH!
I don't know if its pms but i've been crying alot. Lol. its not like anyone around me made me cry or anything. but the slightest thing i see on teevee makes me cry. Like yesterday, i watched oprah winfrey and i cried. A husband had repeatedly apologise to his wife when the whole ordeal was not his fault. I watched Entertainment Tonight and i cried. They were showing some Steve Irwin and his daughter stuffings. Like how close they were and how it was made clear to the world, his love for his daughter. Father-daughter relationship is truly one of the most beautiful relationships in the world. And its true. So i cried. And then SI came on. They showed a video of Joakim. I cannot remember what he said; but it made the remaining 4 cried and i was touched too so i cried. And then of course i watch Supernova at the same time. When Toby dedicated his performance to the crocodile hunter, i was touched. And his whole performance was so beautiful, so right! and i almost cried. lol. And then when i watched the video of Paul when he left, that made me cry. Its only because you can tell it was sincere and certainly heartfelt.
My sprained ankle hurt so bad i've been limping eversince. Plus it hurts extra when i wake up. My god, i can really do without a sprained ankle you know. haha. And our chem/bio practical is like next monday babe! Maybe i should visit a doctor. but its darn embarrasing to walk around limping, you know. Wtf am i supposed to do? (should i let you guys vote, too?)
I'm supposed to go the expo with Dhea for the book sell. But cat, i sure don't have to explain the state of the ankle, do i?
My black and white MALE cat called sweetie has been staying with us again, eversince our neighbour moved out and couldnt bring him along with another of my cat, grey. (i suddenly realised how ridiculous the names of my cats are but shut up ah!) And we have to lock sweetie up cus we fear some idiots might harm him. But sweetie, the idiot himself insist to leave the house for whatever reasons. and he meowwwssss as loud as he can. And being the idiot that he is, he meowssss when i'm asleep. Waking the annoyed me up. But damn. i love him a lot. and i don't care what you'll say but he's probably the most good looking male i've ever seen. Heh! And i certainly miss grey a lot. ):
I can finally do kinematics!!! Kudos to dhea! (:
My brother, Samir left for National Service at Tekong in the morning just now. i was supposed to send him to Tekong with my mum and brother but i don't want to get into the ankle thing again. haha. But anyway, i'll miss the music, brother! i'll miss his "i'm always right" attitude too. when i entered his room this morning, he has covered his computer and laptop with some cloth. ahh. they sure will get lonely! haha. and i bet my mum will randomly go; "what do you think samir is doing now? sleeping already maybe?". i got a lot of that when Nabil was in. blehness. Well well, semoga lu rock kat tekong! (:

Welllooo, i really should get going don't i? Hmm. I've got lots of things to do. But before i go, as promised, i results of last entry's vote. hahaha. Wtf, i studied till like five in the morning and i still could not sleep okay. Thanks to the fucked up coffee. Seriously, i have not touched a cup eversince. I've got to change my biological clock before it remains. cus if it does, i'm doomed!

it must have been love, buts its over now.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:38 PM