SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

i feel oh so terrible.
:(
1) My mum is not talking to me. ever since last night. its so annoying but i'm not going to talk either.
2) Malay olvls is on MONDAY.
3) Biology olvls is on WEDNESDAY and there seem to be no nerve impulse towards my brain. I CANNOT SEEM TO MEMORISE ANYTHING! ):
4) Literature olvls paper 1 is on THURSDAY. I cannot get myself interested.
5) There is NO conducive study area in my house. Fuck all the kuih on the dining table.
6) I've been studying till 4am every morning and yet i don't i'm absorbing anything.
7) I HATE MY HOUSE!
8) EVERYONE SUCKS!
9) FUCK YOU ALL!
10) HEART is a VERYYYYY NICE movie! You people must so catch it! (:
11) I'm considering moving out of my house.

HAHA! Like thats possible.

Oh, fuck you all!!!!!
):

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:01 AM

Thursday, October 26, 2006

You're too famous for my own good.

I wish I can be all open and blog about how I really feel about it. But too bad, they'll be people who would actually spend time to type me messages in friendster and now, even gmail me (!!), just to make me listen to what they have to say. Well, firstly, thanks for not being a wuss by posting anoynomous tags. but haha. you're still being a wuss.

Because though i don't bother replying to your messages anymore, i still do receive them. And no, you're not doing me a favour by not posting anoynomous tags. I'll be glad if you do it. I mean, its not like i don't know you anyway. Your friendster account is not anoynomous to me you know.

Are you stalking me? O_o

You seem to be really concerned about the boy. You have to send me multiple messages just to ask me more about him. Which i of course don't reply. Seriously, ask some other girl!! I bet they know more stuffs about him then i do. In fact, i don't even meet him anymore. Which is of course sad! haha. Nyeh, are you happy now?

Stop bothering me already!!!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:26 PM

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Live Room: Catch local bands The Great Spy Experiment, Caracal, Spanish Fly and Triad in action, followed by guest DJs Amanda Ling & Desmond from Electrico!

Line up: Triad - 8PM, Spanish Fly - 830PM, Caracal - 915PM, The Great Spy Experiment - 10PM, Amanda Ling & Desmond - 1045PM till late

Free photo coupon available with every ticket: print and keep those all-important snapshots of you and your friends partying the night away! High quality prints on film – photographers will be strategically located around the club to literally catch you guys in the best light possible :D

PICTURE/VIDEO MONTAGE: Catch your faces live at 3 huge plasma screens around the club!

Pick your poison: warm bubbly chocolate fondue and honey available at fountains around the club!
This underaged party gives you no less reason to party your (underaged, hehe) selves out! The O Levels are over, even more reason to kick back and celebrate! Crowd will be awesome, excellent guy:girl ratio and beautiful people.

See you there!

PRESALE $16 AT DOOR $18 Doors open @ 7.30pm, close @ 3.00am

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:44 PM

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

This yeaar's hari raya is completely different from every other year. And why, its all because of the relatives i've lost within this few months. Funny how i use to have absolutely no sense of mortality, how i use to tell people that i have never experienced death of anyone i love. Funny how it all has changed, and how i am now forced to face it.

They say death is natural, everyone young or old will experience death. May it be death of a neighbour, an old friend, uncle/auntie and oh, of your own parents. There's even a malay saying, "Setiap yang bernyawa itu pasti akan mati". But god why, i don't think i have come to accept it fully.

In fact i don't think i ever will.

If someone only 16 years of age, having experienced so little in life, and having spend such little time compared to others with the buried,feel so much pain and is overwhelmed with poignancy, what about the closer family members?

Imagine the pain hurt anguish sorrow despair bleakness melancholia and what nots i felt when i saw my grandaunt crying, when i saw my aunties and mummy crying. Imagine how she feels, losing both her husband and daughter at almost the same time?

What is happening to this world? ):

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:05 PM

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Happy Deepavali!!!
I'm sooo looking foward to going mira's house tmr! Can you imagine, all the indian food...!!! YUMMEH!!

I feel the sudden urge to like study properly and be serious now. haha. Not like i've have'nt been but you know, i need to give my best now. Its seriously the final strech now, before life truly begins for me! Don't know why but this must be due to my time spent with Radhea after science practical on thursday. Radhea, you make me want to study. haha! Don't get me wrong, you are'nt an inspiration or something! heh! but maybe, just maybe you are. maybe you are my inspiration!! maybe not.

And oh, Jay Liew rocks. haha. (:

anyway, auntie RED came to visit. Bleh. I'm not fasting!! Yet again.(;

oh ohh ohhhhh! i just blogged an entry! (:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:22 PM

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

My deepest apologies, this blog is going on a hiatus till, perharps, 20th november? Okay, maybe till 17th november? Or maybe, till 14th november?

Haha. Thats if my itchy fingers can control itself! Maybe, just maybe johnson's baby powder could cure the itchness!! Maybe not. And thus i might find myself blogging tomorrow even! But then again, maybe not! (:

I hear a voice in my head, asking something inside;
"Are you crazy or, are you crazy?"
Hmm.

Till we bitch again,
esmerelda signing off.
Bon Voyage!
(:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:05 AM

Monday, October 16, 2006

Whats UP with me and strange dreams? :(

I had another scary scary Nightmare yesterday. In fact, i had TWO terrible nightmares.

Dear head, as if one's not enough!!!

oh wells, i better tell it to someone or like some people say, the dream will come true! well, of course i don't actuallly believe that. but just to play safe...you know! Okay, i think i better leave right now, or i'll be late for school!!! Yes, School!! ):

muchloveyouall
XXX

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:29 AM

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I'm supposed to go to my grandma's house to grab something but i'm oh so lazy!Maybe i should wait for my auntie to like call again, and sound pissed. Then maybe, i would go. haha. and i'm supposed to study!!! but damn it lah, i'm so sleepy. But really, i actually just woke up from a long deep sleep about an hour ago. so how? Boy, its scary to realise that hey, I am really a pig!!!!

SO, i guess i really should back out now and try to study!!See, the biological clock's playing a trick on me. Sometimes i'm oh so awake and then suddenly i just need to lie down and instantly sleep. And right now, at this very moment, i don't know why i'm rambling all this here. Maybe Nescafe 3 In 1 Rich will do the trick, hmm? But living on caffeine is so so so so so not healthy!! Its almost as bad as glue sniffing!!!!!

But what the hell, oink oink?

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:13 PM

Yessa!! Believe it or not, school has officially ended for us! Boy, can you actually even believe it. heh. Remember our secondary one days? we were all so lame! Remember our secondary two days? Ahh, not so nice there. Remember our secondary three days? Did it went by real fast! And ahaha, remember what we did this year? Is it just me, or is time moving on to quickly these days? Because i really cannot seem to catch up with it!but its not like i would want to anyway...

But anyhow, to refresh some memories, lets get nostalgic here. (:

Part one: Secondary one life

Thinking about it, I realise that i knew all my mesmerized girls like way back in sec one! Like ALL of YOU!! Firstly, the bloody radhia who was like such a bitchy monster back then. haha. remember how we use to fight and talk nonsense to each other during the earlier years of sec one? :P and then of course Hafizah came along when the three of us sat at the back of the class!! Those days were hilarious la!

We use to tag team to bully the one person. haha. and usually its me with radhia, bullying our dear hafizah, or hafizah and me (again!!), bullying radhia! and of course i was so good at bullying, that i never really got bullied! Except maybe in their attempt of bullying me, they actually....get this, they CUT my hair! ): Like WAH! haha. i never scolded you guys enough for that la!!! my precious, then curly hair.. bleh! but then i think i got them into more trouble that i ever did myself so its all fair. haha.

And then of course i remember how i ever knew Atiqah existed! Wtfh, she was the girl from 101 who had the same pencil box as me AND GRASP! the same name as me! haha. and atiqah use to have a bestest bestest friend!! her name is farhanah. LOL. ((:

and then along the way i knew Shalini and Nadiah Anwar! haha. Shalini and myself use to talk on the phone for quite long when we don't even know each other well. haha. thats only because we had the same issue going on in our lives. (; and then i think i knew nadiah anwar thru shalini? must be thru randomly talking!! cus you all know nadiah anwar and her mouth... (: and anyway, i really like calling you nadiah anwar istead of yaya. lol! don't ask me why!!

and then there's Hannah who look totally different now compared to 3 years ago. haha. my hannah as become hotter la babe! My whore must have gotten a job by now!! And i randomly miss hannah ):

and then there are others i knew back in sec one and they still play a part in my life till now, no matter how huge or ttiny minny!!(:

---

okay, watch out for part 2 you guys!! haha. i don't know yet how many parts there are for you to anticipate but stay tune!!! till then, selamat berbuka puasa! (thats if you're fasting!!) haha.

much love and coca cola!!!(;

and oh!!! Happy 14 months, my love! ((:

looks like we've made it; look how far we've come my baby.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:08 PM

Saturday, October 14, 2006

And I'm surrounded by, a million people, I, still feel alone. I miss you, you know. And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you. Each one's a line or two. "I'm fine baby, how are you?". I would send them but I know that it's just not enough. My words were cold and flat. And you deserve more than that. And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life. It's like I just stepped outside and everything was going right. And I know just why you couldn't come along with me. This was not your dream; but you always believed in me... And I'm surrounded by, a million people, I, still feel alone.

i miss you,
you know...

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:37 PM

Thursday, October 12, 2006

the Adventurer
your Enneagram type is SEVEN.

"I am happy and open to new things"

Adventurers are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me
-Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
-Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
-Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
-Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
-Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
-Don't tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Seven
-being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
-being spontaneous and free-spirited
-being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
-being generous and trying to make the world a better place
-having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
-having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Seven
-not having enough time to do all the things I want
-not completing things I start
-not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
-having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
-feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship

Sevens as Children Often
-are action oriented and adventuresome
-drum up excitement
-prefer being with other children to being alone
-finesse their way around adults
-dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up

Sevens as Parents
-are often enthusiastic and generous
-want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
-may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:05 AM

Friday, October 06, 2006

Yesterday did not end well. And my today did not start good. You know how some people say when you laugh toooo much over whatever things, you're bound to cry over something real bad after that? I'm thinking its true. I was laughing away like a child crying with mira after school yesterday. We laughed like real, real hard. We laugh in school, walking out the gate, at the bus stop, in the bus, at bedok central and even after we exchanged out goodbyes, i was still smiling over it. Of course there was nothing funny, really. We decided we could laugh to de-stress.

But once i reach home, my tears finally run. I began crying and crying. It was like a nervous breakdown over school. i hate school because it gets me all tired and i don't learn much from it now. making us stay till 5.15 everyday doesnt help either. I felt all terrible. I cried when i saw my books in my bag. i cried when i saw my maths and chemistry tys. i cried when i went to my refrigerator to get a drink and i saw my olvls entryproof there. like wow, we're almost finally there. and that sucks. and so now i avoid going for a drink. ):

I really don't know why i'm feeeling this way. but its enough to crack my skull. My head hurts more these days and sleeping don't seem to help anymore.

My mum complaint that she couldnt breathe this morning. it was before 6am when she woke me up, scaring the shit out of me. i was afraid, i really was. she was reluctant to visit a doctor but i insisted. with the help of a neighbour, we managed to bring her to 24hr clinic. the doctor's nice and all. and confirmed it was all her athsma. bloody haze causes asthmatics to suffer more you know. even soyah had an attack in morning. ):

But things got better. I went for chem class. Jay was being nice actually. haha. anyway, i think he's lessons are gettting more useful now. lol. but anyway, i met yaya, shank, atiqa and alif after that for buka. Went pizza hut. Daryl and haqiem came SUPER LATEEE! and that place was like super lagging. service was bad. but we managed to find out what they do in the tiny room by the side. haha. and oh, seriously, pizza hut just suck la. you can find the food they sell at serangoon aka tekka centre.

can u believe it, they sell curry with briyani rice, which shank ate, nasi goreng with mushroom, which atiqa ate and thosai!!! which yaya alif haqiem darly and myself ate. crazy right. its all tekka food la damn it!! and they charge a bloody 70 bucks for it? bloody hell, you can get all those for less than 17 dollars ok. now, whose idea was it to buka at pizza hut? at the very least we could at eat at another terrible place like kfc. come on, even the mamak at tekka can give us better service okay.

but then i love the lot. haha. yaya's done it again, atiqa was on myspace, shank ate nasibriyani @ pizzahut, alif only "lapar mata", haqiem love the gents room and daryl did not drink tabasco. lol. Oh, daryl finished his nlevels today. we'll all miss him! and his super lame but funny jokes. boohoo. and oh, when we went out of pizza hut, the haze was terrible!!!! like it was raining but not raining. ergh, bloody thepeopleburningforestcustheybudget man.

okay loves!!!!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:26 PM

As you sit in silence,

Wondering why

I'll be your shoulder to cry on

Until your tears run dry.

When you've been hurt,

And can't believe what they've done

If you need someone to talk to

I'll be the one.

If a close friend hurts you,

And you don't understand

Remember I'm here,

I'll lend a helping hand.

Burdens are lighter when carried by two,

And I just want you to know

I'm here for you.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:02 AM

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

how long must she wait for you?

reclused.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:25 PM