SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Open up my eyes,
Flood it with delight.
Another sleepless night turns color black and white.

With all the things I've said,
There is just regret.
A beating in my head.

Hands into a fist,
Static in my head.
Now I'm sitting face to face with loneliness.

What did I expect?
Did I see forever
in you?

I never wanted it to hurt
more than it should.

Time to close my eyes
Forget about this mess.
Tried to fix this tragic loss of innocence.

But how can I forget,
The things I haven't done.

I want you to know that
I miss you, I miss you so

i<3missyou.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:13 PM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

she was only 19. :(

http://joanchanshufang.blogspot.com

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:48 PM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Check out the SI trailer! HAHA.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:59 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

I'm sorry. There have been many instances where I have betrayed your trust, and I know that I tend to hurt your feelings. But this was never how I have wanted things to end up. And I know none of you want this to happen either. And I guess it's time I let everything out.

Things have never been easy. I'm sure you'll say that, yeah, everyone has their share of problems, but I guess in the end, it's how much pressure you can take inside of you. When you have absolutely nothing to hang on to, no one to listen to you, it starts to eat you up from the inside. And I guess it gets worse when you begin to lose everything you have stood up for.

Over the years, things change. People change. I know I can't have everything the way they have always been, even when that is what I have always wanted. But sometimes it is just painful when even the best of buddies suddenly begin to have doubts about each other.

I admit I have talked behind you back before. I guess I was jealous of the fun happenings in your life, but most of all, I was angry that you changed into someone who was so different than the one I knew back then. I used to be able to talk to you, but now we seem so distant. I miss the old friend in that blue jacket, but now I'm beginning to accept who you are. And I thank you for talking to me on that fateful night. Sorry again.

I have not felt closer to anyone in a long time. And yeah, you're the closest person to me at this point of time. But I hope you realize I try to draw the line. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about my intentions. I know that it's best to leave things as it is. I have lost a friend this way, and I'm not about to let it happen again. I prefer to not let it out so that everyone will not feel awkward in anyway. I’m sorry for the many times I have hurt your feelings. I want you to know that I have never meant them.

Sigh. I know you are angry with me. Your last goodbye to me had that knife in it the moment I told you I was sorry for what happened. It was enough to make me tear. And I know you don't mean it. I knew during that time you were angry at him for making fun of the previous night's happenings. I'm sorry if anything was ever my fault. I hope you'll take care of yourself better.

I'm sorry for leaving without saying a word. I just couldn’t take the guilt that was overwhelming me. I guess it was better for me to leave then than to spoil the fun. I wouldn't want to put any of you in an awkward position. I know I already have put myself in such.

I have always hoped that nothing will come between you. Never let anything come between you. Enough of those doubts between each other. They will never bring any good to us. They only make us distance ourselves from the true feelings that we have.

As I take my leave tonight, I hope you can forgive me for everything that I have ever done wrong towards you.

That first meal, the first sunny outing, the first visitings, the first victories, the first tears, the first forum, the first loves.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:34 PM

Thursday, May 18, 2006

You won't believe where i am right now. Urgh. i'm in the fucked up school library. Yes, i was FORCED to stay and do my f&n AGAIN. But wtfh can u believe that i've finished it? and i think i did a pretty good job! haha even mdm ruk said so. But you would not believe how just a few hours back i had thoughts of droppping that fucked up subject. i serious ALMOST. but urgh ok next time, next time. haha. ok maybe not. anyway its fucking cold here i've got goosebumps eveywhere and i can hardly move my fingers to type this. Harith's here too. hah. and fiza and aishah and well, MDM rubiah! yes, yes our queen troog. haha. but she's so funneh la. and i have no say she does not scold like how mdm ruk does. -_-. Ok people i really should head home. but fiza is taking so long with mdm rubiah! Writers circle stuffings eh. but nvm i'm waiting! (:

More updates when i reach home!

So anyway i really miss you. ((: Meet soon!

i<3youall.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:38 PM

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

So in LOVE with 3.

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate?
Or random circumstance
Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong
And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:17 PM

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

If only you can ever see,
What i see when i look at you

Exams are FINALLLY over. Can you hear my hairs clapping? Urgh, right. My hair's so short they can't clap anymore. (Not like i my long hair can clap. heh.) But grrr, i can't believe i cut my hair. its so freaking short now. I can't say i love it but i've never loved how my hair looked like anyway. haha. So i guess its ok. but the pain of seeing my hair on the floor. urgh. it was extremely painful i swear. looks like i need to paint my hair again. (hehe!). Ok dhea, i've turn into your hehe partner once again. Lol. And oh, belo! Lets go rebond your fringe soon! i want to rebond mine again! (:

Before i forget,

Atiqa does not want to get married cus she's afraid to have sex.
Feeza wants to get married cus she wants to have sex.

Then I hope theres someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

Anyway, other than school and cats, my life's pretty mundane this days. Often i wish something more exciting and exhilarating and well, neat would happen. haha. but what to do, i'm still stuck in PINGYI. Urgh, I think the 3 yrs 5 months is making me all... i can very well say enervated. Plus i swear f&n is taking my every zest on food. Lol. And oh. They're (my cousin and aunties who are not exactly my cousin and aunties cus we're not related at all. lol) all going to Hatyai on the 22nd june. I want to go agen lah fuck. but haha, youth gone wild is on the 23rd june la. lol. someone decide for me which to go LAAAA. (Ok, don't freak out already. i didnt say i am not going to Youth Gone Wild or anything.) Heh. Heh. Heh. (Thats better than the cheeky "hehe" right? lol). I want hatyai! its like heaven! only very less compared to heaven. haha.

Anyway, this is The princess who stays in my room:

She's almost my everything. (:
I<3uall.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:39 PM

Monday, May 15, 2006

i feel so down and so sick. i feel like giving up.

But how do i? The battle has only just begun.
Its not like me to lost faith. its not me, i dont falter.
Its almost like...i'm not me.

And at the end of the day, i wonder.
Give up on what?

I miss YOU so much.

And like you, i wonder too.
Who are you?
Why do i miss you so much?

I'm just not me.
i'm reaching out for something thats not even there.
i feel so down.
get it?
i feel so down.
deemed with shit.
And very down.

Where are you now?
Its a question.
Answer me wont you.

i'll go to wherever you should go.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:54 PM

Sunday, May 14, 2006

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:52 PM

That thursday was extremely fun. i mean, i learnt a lot. i mean, it was a study outing was'nt it? lol. i love my air-water stewardess. haha. lynette's SELAMAT DATANG KE SINGAPURA. lol. and oh, soyah really can dance to pudar! ahah. and the picture we took in the mrt. eh crow, don't reveal my butt ok. You better keep that picture properly! And the butt game at macdonalds. Dhea, Feeza & Rifah, i LOVED it! HAHA. Please play it again soon! Lynette, must play with me the butt game also la. You dont say your buttt not stong. haha. with much practise, u will make it! haha. Anyway, to Lynette, thanks for sharing. Feeza, i think its time to let go. Soyah, not all man are the same. And no crow, i've never been in love. (:

Tmr is literature paper 2. You know, Should i laugh or should i cry? Must be a fool to be asking so. Hurhur. And of course theres bio/chem mcq and f&n(-_-) on tuesday. And school's off on wednesday. Friday's cross-country. Well, i'll get an mc for that day. haha. And oh, my paper tmr is at 11am. which means i'll only be in school at that time which means i wont have to wake up early which means ill get more sleep time which means..yadah yadah, you get it!

Anyway, i swear Levan's got nothing to do. haha. check this out: http://www.friendster.com/user.php?uid=28698099 . Bobby's super duper cute! (: Anyone else needs tickets for Youth Gone Wild? Msg me!

shishi ,where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like its been forever that you've been gone.

because heroin is so passe

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:12 PM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Tmr's Chemistry paper 3 and yet i'm here blogging. I even changed my blog skin! haha. Thats because Shishi changed hers! And crow, HAHA now YOU must be jealous. lol. Anyway shishi, following your entry on me, i've decided to blog about you! And well, a bit of crow too. Since i own crow one since like eons ago. Anyway crow, i get it now, you're not blind. its just that birds have their eyes on each side of their face. Now i understand your predicament!

Ok, back to my darling shishi! You know, if anyone else reads this and my tag board and your board and yadah yadah, i bet no one would believe it when i say you're actually a teacher! haha. not like you're anything less than a teacher should be. in fact, you're more in every way! i seriously believe a teacher like YOU is what the world needs now. haha. Though, sadly, you don't teach me this year. And well my f&n coursework is like lagging way behind! (shh, don't tell mdm rukshana!) :P And well shishi, i remember sec 204 too! I mean, seriously. How can i not right, crow? Actually i was in mdm seah's group but somehow i remember seeing you more than i remember seeing her in class. Probarly because moments spent with you are the moments i treasure! haha. Crow, i'll always remember sec 2 life man! Though half it was bitter and i must admit, FULL of sorrow, i could not have made it this far without you. Remember mdm chow? Well crow, OF COURSE YOU DO! You ask her for the class photo all the time seh! And of course i shall never forget our giordano-jeans-talk-during-mdm chow's-english-lesson. That was like really funneh la crow! And the whistle thing which we blew when lolok was in class. Ok, I blew it! And well crow, what else? Remember when you broke up with - and you called me? you were crying and crow, i was extremely taken aback. I mean, you cry all the time but hearing your sorrow (which was really sad) pains me and to think that you shared it with me, i'm blessed to have you.

Shishi! remember in sec 2 you gave me 2 chocolates? For answering some quesion right seh! haha. you remember not? Somehow i remember that moment pretty well. And well, about ncc. Ouch, that hurts. Sometimes,(or perharps all the time) i wish nothing like that happen. I had sucha great time, feeling belonged to the company. But sometimes, and well, all the time for me, things happen without me wanting it to. Quitting was not what i intended and it still isnt. My part Ds(this year) are like a bunch of people whom i wish i had spent more time with. Its difficult to explain but i guess somehow it was my mistake. I never thought it would affect my ncc life man. Everytime i think of the part a camp, camp feast, maam goh's farewell, trainings, company camp, a sense of regret overwhemingly comes. Even though we're in school all the time, i miss you people man. I miss spending time during ncc with you guys. So much so it hurts when i hear your wonderful stories your ncc experience or when i see you guys having your training. Crow, you've done so well in ncc. i wish i could be there when you recieved your ranks and such. Because i know how much it means to you. Shishi, you're just so sweet. You know, I wish i am still there like then. I wish its official.

So anyway shishi, haha i love tagging boards like THAT with you! Like how cool right. I even found myself a stalker! haha. And crow, happy soon to be 9 months! when are we reaching one year seh?? And my loves, lets go out SOON! 17th may must be free ok? I want to watch "When a stranger calls"! Then we go mating ok, my mater and mated one and the animals ranger gang?

Sometimes i wish i'm better with words.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:30 PM

Sunday, May 07, 2006

As weird as this may sound, i find myself really attracted to and fascinated by people who are...well, mysterious or perharps weird. People who seem to have this wall/barrier which blocks them frm the world. People who hates what seems perfect only because they're so sure they cant get it. People who rebel and yet is accepted.

People who do things i won't because it way against the religion and yet, i keep coming back to have more of them.

Why? Because i admire them. And truthfully, these are the people i try so hard to hold on to. But sometimes, there seem to be a barrier between myself and them. Sometimes or in fact all the time, its so hard to tell them - i am here. i dont care what they say, i dont care what you do. i'm just here. i'm here,for you. And, i'm sorry he hates you.

"Doesn't it scare you that your will is not as strong as it used to be?"

i'm withdrawing from the world to live in seclusion and in solitude.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:02 PM

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Today's english paper was well, ok. I dont like to say i've scrwed something up so i shall not say it throughout this exam period. But, no, i didnt screw my english up. Tmr's malay and yes, i might just - it up. But its okay, i guess. And i won the show me the money thing on POWER 98! Ros was so nice la. she was telling me about her stalker and all. Lol.

When cow meets crow, crow was angry.
"WHY do you call me crow?"
"Because you are a crow!"
"BUT WHY?"
"Because you are one!"
"Okay, COW!"
"But why cow?"
Because you are a COW!"
"NO!"
"YES! COW! You are a COW, cow."
Done By: The ever proud crow.

And oh, the extremely scary dream. Blue eyes, braces, eyeliner. EWW. i<3hannah.>

Bye idiots! Ok, again, i am the idiot!

When you told me that you loved me
were those just words
You can't tell me you don't need me
and I know that hurts
'Cause I'm looking at your picture
'Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day
You and me will have one more shot.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:27 PM

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

My new ambition is to be a politician. (:
Ok, i'm off to read the dictionary for tmr's mid yr english.

Before i go, please remember, nunumating aka cow is NOT a crow. (:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:29 PM

Monday, May 01, 2006

Ok this entry would be super-short. i'm just extremely busy lah. 24 hrs is definately too short for a day. and i'm so so tired. Ok, no time to complain.

Today was a rather fun day in school. Well, except for when mdm rubiah scared the shit out of me. i mean, i know i have not been doing my lit assignments and all but eh i'm so busy lah.. i mean, doing hmwk is different from studying and i need to study now. i got no time for all those assignments that done seem to have any link to exams seh. And its not as if i do so bad for the tests. i didnt study for those test ok. But then again, those were Unseen poem/prose man. Not like you went through the exact same thing again and again right. And please don't sound like you've given up hope. Cause we all have not. And i wont. I may be having sucha difficult time now but hey, at the end of this journey, i will be getting what i deserve. I'm not giving up that easy. And we all need your help to do it. It disheartens to hear you saying that you've actually lost hope. YOU HORSE! urgh.

But haha i had fun for the rest of the day! Mdm noorzura wasnt in school! Am i happy or am i happy? Lol. So we had free period after lunch. Which i spent with talking about sec 2 days. haha. those were the days, those were the days. It incredible how things have gone now. It was definately a year where i did certainly grow wiser. But anyway, msGREEN gave me a new name today. NUNU MATING. LOL. And ms Green, i shall call you SHISHI! How cool right. And yes, CROW will be CROWFISH. Lol. But she's my CROW and i'm still her COW and we're your MATING! Ok, can. Anyway, i'm waiting for Shishi to blog about me. Wow, when that happens shishi, i swear i'll be nunumating forever! Hhaha.

My mum's been complaining that Worker's party got no rally near our estate. She really wants to go la. And apparently levan's going tonight. Cus he went yesterday and "i had fun!". Lol. So he ask me to call him if i'm going and i'm like "ok, i'll ask my mum to call you". haha. Ok, i dont want to scare my mum. Lol.

NUNUMATING<3you!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:55 PM

Do they sell f&n coursework A on eBay? Hmm, tried to find but to no avail. How annoying please. i've been on my computer since noon just now and yet i'm not done with it. Bleh. it seems like i'm never done with f&n. Blame my addiction to the online world for that. But fuck f&n, i'm going to study some maths and biology. i've been abandoning these two subjets eversince i got grip of chemistry. but what a luck, chem is fun.

May Day concert was excellent. i especially loved 3dash1 and electrico's set. Though the crowd was heavy but mendak. And green grass project rocked. (from the pictures.) Wish i was there.

Anyway, why do we always seem, to want what we clearly can't have?
Bleh. Don't reply.

Bye loves.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:00 PM

I'm gazing at the mess
I'm going through
What a life
A lie so true it hurts to keep inside
So listen up
I cannot live a day without you here
By my side
Nor can I stand to be within your sight
Shun your lights

I'll miss you when you're no where near my arms
But I know
I'll try to run when my senses tell me to

And if you're gone
I'd be the first to sigh inside
But when you're far away
I'd be the on to call you back
so come to me
As I will promise you my time
and time won't tell me twice
That I'd be wanting you to leave when you're in sight

A problem solved a problem will emerge
I'm entwined
Confused my heart is telling me to run
To where can I?
Is this the fate I'm destined to collide
Must I try?
A love I've lost a love I'm trying to find
I run around

I hunger for your presence in my heart
For awhile
I'll fade away when I feel the time is right

Breakdown
Need you no more
But you're too far
Need you no more
But you're too far

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:12 PM