Sunday, December 31, 2006
Sorry for the hiatus, I just needed to run away for a week to somewhere no one knows me. (:
New year bbq at belo's house later today. I cannot wait to meet you ALL! and i miss the coffeeclubbers so much. ):
Happy Raya and Happy 2007!
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:55 PM
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Its funny how the thought of him put a smile on my face. ((: And how I could'nt stop smiling when I talk about him. haha. he's so nice its spooky! hahahahaha. and how he look into my eyes when he talk. and how he helped me with so many things. siak ah, am i crazy or what!!?hahahahahahahahaha. u think i care? (:Omg atiqa, i love you. hahahaha. coffee club siglap is love!!!! (:muchlove!!!
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:32 PM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Hello (:You know what, screw the first paragraph of my last entry. Because my job is love. Haha. I love everything about my job. Sure there are moments where I wish I can just disappear, like when a pregnant woman gets bitchy (!!) but the challenges are really very positive. Plus my other colleagues are all so nice and lovely. Seriousy. Cheers to all the coffee clubbers! (siglap outlet only) ((: Work again later at 7pm! Everyone in my house is oh so busy, preparing for my cousin's engagement tomorrow. (: I can't believe its tmr, really. We've been talking about it ever since i was studying for olvls. and now its here! How exciting. I predict it would be a wonderful ocassion, with all my cousins around. Okay, maybe not all but its still something, you know. considering the fact that we don't always get me meet, even on Hari Raya and all.And yes, she was waiting for your call last night.It's funny when you find yourself looking from the outside. I'm standing here, but all I want Is to be over there. Why did I let myself believe that miracles could happen? Cause now I have to pretend that I don't really care. I still think that you're my fairytale, a dream when I'm not sleeping. A wish upon a star that is coming true. But everybody else can tell that I've confused my feelings with the truth. Now I know you're not a fairytale and dreams were meant for sleeping. And wishes on a star just don't come true. Cause now even I can tell that I confused my feelings with the truth. Because I liked the view, when there was me and you. I can't believe that I could be so blind. It's like you were floating while I was falling. And I didn't mind. Cause I liked the view. Thought you felt it too. When there was me and you.Bye you all. much love.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:45 PM
Friday, December 22, 2006
As much as I love the fact that I have a job, sometimes (especially now) I feel the strongest urge to stay at home and rot. I'll be working later at 6pm and as much as I'm looking forward to it, I wish I can call in and tell them I can't make it today and please get a replacement or something. Why am I contradicting myself so badly? I know I've said this before but I think I'm at my lowest state right now. The last time I said that it was because of stress over school and olvls. This time, its because of somethings which are oh so stupid and yet I don't know why I'm feeling just as down, or even worst. I've been feeling too lonely these days that I've resort to writing in a diary again. Something I have not been doing since like ages.Seems like everytime I find someone I can really talk to, someone I'm about to let in fully, without having any lust feelings, I turn around and decide I should get away. Because I'm afraid someone I trust, someone I open up fully to would hurt me again. And this is exactly what is happening. Jealousy bites me on the ass when it comes to you. I've laid my cards, but you seem to be touching them, picking them up and putting them back to where they were. Why is it so hard to know? Why is it so hard to read? Again, I think I should just die. ):
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:58 PM
i've never felt this low and lonely.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:52 AM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Outing with my loves today was l.o.v.e! (: Okay, not all of them but the 4 was good enough to make me smile and laugh and pee and be hyper and yeah, whatever!! They did'nt even scold me for being 1hr30mins late! WOOOOHOOOO. How excellent can my atiqabelo, yaya, lardnea and farhan be eh. ((:
Belo, the girl who firstly, has the same name as me, wore the same TOP as me today. THANKS AHHH!
We took some neoprints (thats what its called still right??) and i swear for the first time my skin looked completely flawless. concealer work wonders, like i always say. (: But then again, their skins also looked flawless. So perharps its the camera or something. heh. But anyway, i badly want to post the pictures here but my scanner is being a bitch so sorry hor!
We also went to watch a movie! (: Shalu joined us there. The Holiday is simply nice. Like seriously its really really nice. I don't think there's any other word to describe it. Perharps my vocab is decreasing but you can kiss my ass. lol. But anyway, i realised Cameron Diaz has really really really gorgeous blue eyes. I swear. I kept saying that to belo throughout the movie. But its oh so true. lol. Okay, you people must so watch it!
We were supposed to go visit Feeza at her work place at Taka but we totally forget about it. I'm sad cuz i truly miss Feeza and i so badly want to see her. ): But then i realised i was not supposed to be talking to her and An, due to some happenings during our conference call yesterday. Lol. ((: But THEN, I realised (again) that I actually already talked to An when he called me after the movie! pantat betul! i kena cheated like that! haha. But nevermind, if i don't talk to Feeza i'll miss her too much i would die. haha right.
After the movie at Cathay we walked to Somerset mrt. My god, that was hilarious. We were all laughing like fuck i swear and acting nuts. haha. Yaya seemed drunk, i swear! lol. But it was damn funny la. how yaya kept on saying or was she describing how farhan pushed her into the puddle. how dhea and me act crazy. how everyone was so giler. i swear!!! i love you all can! And can i book a date with all 5 of you again? (:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:45 AM
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I have been anticipating a visit to vivocity eversince god knows when but some poeple are just so annoying. Best solution? Shopping with mummy. (:
Bye you all!
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:42 PM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The words you say to me are unlike anything that's ever been said
and what you do to me is unlike anything that's ever been
am i too obvious to preach it
you're so hypnotic on my heart.
oh it's what you do to me,
a thousand miles seems pretty far,
but even though they've got planes and trains and cars,
i'd walk to you if i had no other way.
and if i lived a thousand years you know,
i never could explain
the way i lost my heart to you that day.
but if destiny decided i should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did i tell you that i love you tonight?
i've got so much left to say,
if every simple song i wrote to you,
would take your breath away,
i'd write it all, and tell you why,
i want to love somebody like you.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:43 PM
Monday, December 18, 2006
"Don't waste your time and money looking for him. If he does not call, he's not interested."
Well if so, tell me whats the plan if he does call and you refuse to answer because you know its wrong? Because you know if you continue, you'll fall in love. But still you wish you can hear his voice. You want to hear him say your name. Why?
Tell me now, because I need answers.
):
I feel so lonely lately. Like there's really no one to talk to. But then again, even if there is, He/She would probably believe that I've gone crazy. And really, I would not blame them for it. For i think its true. Why else would I be feeling all this feelings?
They say the worst feeling in the world is sitting beside someone knowing you can never reach his heart. I never really thought about it, really. Until it happened to me.
But whats with the big fuck. I've missed an opportunity. But you surely don't expect me to say it in front of everyone. If it was only you and me.
You say she satisfies your mind, tells you all of her dreams.
I'm sad because i know how much that she means to you.
OMG I FEEL SO TERRIBLE.
can someone please be nice and talk to me about this? ): Email me or something? Haha. I really need to say this, AKU GILEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:37 PM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:36 AM
Friday, December 15, 2006
Honey why are you calling me so late?
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:33 AM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Yesterday i dreamt that i dreamt that i totally forget about my darling feeza's POP. And then when i woke up from that dream, (i was still dreaming) i dreamt that i cried cause i was too scared i was not going. But when i finally woke up from alll the dreams, i realised that its only 12.55 pm. Not so bad, considering i stayed up till amost 4 to finish up Nicholas Spark's At First Sight. Oh, i totally recommend all those other eeediots who like to read, (not like its anything bad, really) to read it too! Because like almost all of Nicholas Spark's boooks, there is this twist in the end. Totally enexpected, but so real, you can almost feel it happening. Really, i am so not kidding. (see, i'm not laughing!!) I was totally satisfied with the ending i cried. When i read a book and cry, it means i've fallen in love with the book and that it's reallllyyyyy good. and i cry each time i read Mitch Albom's and Nicholas Spark's boookss. So you see, they're just super excellent authors. :D Next read; Nicholas Spark's The Notebook. i've been waiting for like Forever (with a capital F) to read that so we'll see if i cry! (:Anyhoos, i'm supposed to meet Idah (also known as eeeeduh which is very the same with the eeeee i have added infront of the d-i-o-t-s earlier,eh?), Kak Nura (also known as Miss Nura but too bad i'm not a student in that school she's teaching in anymore. HAHA. But even when i was, i called her Shishi. So hmmm?) and An (the multi-purpose pisang AND monyet :D who always ask me why i never answer his calls and to which i reply its because he never reply my smses,so its fair!! haha!!) at four. And seriously, guess where? Tampines! They ask ME to meet them in TAMPINES! How unfair is that! Since they all live either in Paris or Tampines itself! I, on the other hand have to backtrack to tampines! So the tak fair please! They so cannot scold me if i come late later, which i always does. hahaha. :Dmuch love,esmerelda
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:05 PM
Monday, December 11, 2006
Guess what i found in my phone!? heh. I know this is kind of late but here a some pictures of the chalet, the night we celebrated dhea's birthday. (: These are the only ones i manage to snap using my hp so bear with it and enjoy! :D
Thats Nazura, in red and i'm not sure who, probably Farhan on the right. The were starting the bbq fire.
Woots, the chicken wings (YUMMEH!) and the burnt hotdogs and crab sticks. haha. and the otak otak which took a very long time to be cooked. i ended eating the uncooked one. but haha. whatever!? 
Still bbq-ing when night falls...excellent food + excellent company = happy people! (:
and then came the surprise!...
Happy 16th Birthday, Radhia Jamal Kazura.
Also known as: Dhea, Lard-nea and Bobadhea. (:
May all your dreams and wishes comes true! (:
The two minahs whom I love so much, Atiqa belo and Nadiah Anwar! (:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:19 AM
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Spend the afternoon with my lovely lovely lovely lovely Lard-nea. (: haha. Come on eeediot! Its a nice way of calling you pig without calling you pig! haha. and i love lard-nea because lard-nea loves me! i think. lol. no, i'm so sure!! hahaha. and so now lardnea calls me Morrie! You know, the Morrie from "tuesdays with morrie". Why? Well, cuz i told her that 4th december 1990 was a tuesday. So the bloody lard calls me morrie for that. Only my lard decides to follow the majority who speaks like @#$%%% and she calls me Molly! hahaha. So anyway, what did we do today, lard? Oh yes. We went to bugis cuz lardnea needs to change some stuffs for her sister and brother. both to no avail btw. bleh. but then we went walking around. haha. i saw this really really.... well, weird and nice (what a combination, i know) cat earrings. haha. its a drop earrings which is shaped like a very vain and pretty cat. I LIKE! But what the hell it was selling for $6.90 so i said fuck you la chibye cuz i think they should sell it for like say, $2? Haha. But i really really really reallyyyy like it. ): So we walked around the place again. We went to Kiyokunya to get some books. I was so excited when i saw Nicholas Spark's The Notebook. Cause you know, i have been looking for it in almost EVERY MPH stores there is but they never seem to have it! So i was about to buy it when lard surprised me by saying that she has the book! So like oh hello why did you never mention it to me at all before!!!!! haha. what a pig man you lard! But thank god that saved me money from buying something someone else already have. Or so i thought. hence instead i bought Nicholas Spark's At First Sight. After purchasing, i talked to hannah on the phone and guess what? SHE HAS THE BOOK!!!!! ):Did i mention that i'm almost addicted to minute maid's limeade? hehheh!!! I think its the yummeh-iest drink alive! Except for ofcourse, its not alive. lol. But seriously you all, it had a different taste each time you drink it!!?Now, is'nt that just plan excellent! and not to mention, excitement!Ahh, don't i just miss talking and crapping and spanking butts and alltheshits we did in school!!!!! and maybe on our random day outs. Everyone's oh so occupied this days. ): We can't seem to hang out as a gang anymore with us working. WHERE THE HELL IS ALL OF YOU!!!!okay toodles!(:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:26 PM
Sunday, December 03, 2006
My uncle passed away yesterday at about 9.30 in the morning at the hospital.To all who had send their condolences to me -may it through callling or smsing and to those who paid a visit of condolence to the grieving family, thank you very much. Semoga rohnya di cucuri rahmat.amin.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:40 AM
Friday, December 01, 2006
I guess, (guess only eh!!) its true when they say that Life is a series of ups and downs. And i think (think only eh!!) that though we should think and learn from the downs, we should not entirely forget the ups. (: I don't know how i got the strength to say that cuz if i'm experiencing this at any other point of my life, this blog would be all toooo emo for you people to even read. But I'm close to my sixteen birthday so i think i can change this life. i can make myself happy and yet be close to God. (:
One of my oldest uncle is currently battling for his life at the Intensive Care Unit at NUH. He's my father's brother, but they have a different mother. I have to say i was never close to his family. They live all the way acrossss the island, at woodlands. I remember going to their house when i was younger, and even a few years back, for Hari Raya. But i really don't remember my cousins which is oh so sad. They're way older then me and my uncle's oldest grandson (= to my nephew) is twenty. Yeah, even he's older then me. (And he's oh so hot!) haha. And the other nephews of mine are also mostly boys, so imagine how i go gaga when i see them. Not because they're hot or what la dei! Its cus i love baby boys, you know!? heh. Well yeah, imagine how much older my cousins are. But they're all so lovely (even their husbands and wifes!) and i love them so much, i really really really do though we don't meet too often and all. Most of the time i wish we're closer but wth. ): I was glad when my mum say that we shall invite all of them for a holiday in KL when our house is ready. You know, i really can't wait. heh. (:Seeing my uncle in such a state is way too depressing and i shall not elaborate on it. And I was way amazed by how strong my cousins were. Let's just say it was toooo depressing i could not stop crying even after i reach home. ): I cried on the phone when Mira called me. I'm sorry i couldnt say much, you. But you made me feel better somehow!!! (: And well, i was not exactly crying when i was talking to An. I mean, hello!!! Miss ego here. lol. We were talking about death and all. (i was secretly crying la!) cuz i think i said something tooooooo scary. which i shall not mention it here. heh! But anyway it was funneh when i was TRYING to talk and cry at the same time. haha. An was like "Are you crying?" and i went "uh? no la! *sniff sniff*". lol. He started laughing like an ass and well, i couldnt help it so i started laughing. Bleh you la!! And Thanks to all those who smsed me and told me to be strong. (: I love you ALL la! So you see, I may be hit by a sad situation. But I've got soo many great friends there for me. (: Hence, my life is not sooo bad after all. Thanks to people like Mira, Soyah, An, Pepper and everyone else who made me realise that i cannot do anything about death. The most i can do is pray to God. (:
Love.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:44 PM
