Sunday, July 31, 2005
i'm suppose to be doing my f&n coursework due tomorrow but i can't seem to concentrate. My mum's out for a wedding dinner and she'll scream when she comes home and realised i've not done even a bit. I just can't help it. The online world is purely addictive. Tell me you agree with me. OH wells, i should just skip school tmr. Sigh. Its not like me, running away from all these things but i can't stand it anymore. Its hurting too much for me to endure. There's so much things that needs to be done but i can't seem to do anything. These things are just not what i want to do. At this moment in my life, i jsut want to do thiings i feel like doing but i know its not possible. Why? I cant possibly quit secondary school and continue studying something more to my liking. Atleast not now. and if you haven't realised, i still have a year with all the weird people in school. OMFG, i hate school so much.The people there don't ever care about how you feel for nuts. someone just have to shoot me. and PLEASE, do it soon.
Girls before
Girls after
Lionel Lewis and him and us
Him and us.
Yes,we look happy but do friendships really last? The pictures are pretty huuge aren't they. It may be over but it won't stop there,I am here for you if you'd only care.You touched my heart you touched my soul.You changed my life and all my goals.And love is blind and that I knew when,My heart was blinded by you.I've kissed your lips and held your head.Shared your dreams and shared your bed.I know you well, I know your smell.I've been addicted to you.Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.much love. mwah.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:32 PM
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Its What-A-Day day. Haha. It was raining so heavily i so did not want to attend school. And then i realised i'll have nutritions practical. And i went ERGH! Oh, ok i don't remember going Ergh but i must have. It was so nice to be sleeping; considering the weather. So i went. Rain's pouring like crazy and i must be called a wuss to have walked to school from Bedok. Reached school completely drenched. Well, not completely drench but i was wet. Went up to class. Miss Teo said something stupid to me for not attending school last friday and i just laughed my ass off. And she gave me the consent look. Haha. And lessons started. Had our photo taking at about 8.45. I think the photo will look nice. Only that jeeva did not come. What an ass. And for the last shot, we all shouted "1 2 3 CHUA!". haha. Its like an inside joke, just meant for us to know. LOL. So shalu and i were walking towards the hall from the Chem Lab. We were the first few to leave the lab so we reached the hall early. A few students just came in and none has even settles down. And suddenly i saw a guy sitting at the stage stairs. I was like - Uh-oh. LIONEL LEWIS! or so i thought. So i went " Eh, is'nt that Lionel lewis?" and shalu was like " WHERE!?" i went " sitting there LAA" and we both stop and turn and we were like " OMFG YEAHH! " Lol. Its like he saw our reaction and he smiled la. hhaha. We then walked around the hall to find people we know and we go like " Its lionel lewis LAA! " and we get people who goes " Who's that? " and i sure dont bother explain. blehh. I love atiqa's reaction though. She went "WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE!?" and i was like "There ah". haha. SO some guy gave a talk on career in sports management. And lionel and another player talked about what they are doing. And blah blah. And then the man went like "who wants to be david beckham's manager?" and shalu automatically shouted "ME!" and put up her hand, Haha. The whole hall was laughing la. And then after the talk the girls had to stay. We had to decide the uniform for next year. Both sucked. Enuff said. And then went to meet Lionel lewis. He is hot lahhh. ROFL. He signed my foolscap back. Here it is :
We also tooked a few photos with him. I took one where its only i and him. LOL. And all the other photos, i stand beside him. HAHA. Shall post the pictures tomorrow. (: oh, 15+18 !!! i know what it means because I ASKED HIM.
Had maths after. I understand nuts. haha. Zhirong is sucha smart ass now and he wont teach me. Actually, he can't teach me. We always end up talking. Lol. Went to nutritions practical after that. It was ok. I'm very much disgusted by the kitchen but whatever. And then naz me and feeza took a few lame photos of us lying in the middle of the school car park. Yeah, we were lying down right in the middle. Haha. Oh, and then my plastic bag torn and water was like all over my skirt. and i shouuted " OMFG I think my water bag burst". I don't know where that came from but yeah, before i could say anything they were ROFL. Something weird & wacky happen while we were at Bedok mrt but whatever. -_-
i've just realised that he's Samir's age. Like WTF LAA. BLEH.
Much Love. ((:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:11 PM
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Why is it always so hard to do the right thing? It hurts to care for something too much. I know. Its killing me. Human beings are cruel. How do you stop war against the human race when you don't even care the pain of a sinless kitten? Oh, fuck you all much.Happy bithday to Awi. (: And to Su. ((:" I'll find a way to see you again.Till then, this is good bye. Much love. "
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:20 PM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Oh, screw that last post. Does'nt matter much. i blogged for so fucking long yesterday and suddenly everthing went missing. God, i cant bother say anything about what i posted about. So i skipped school again yesterday. Its getting fun. haha. But i've thought about it and i've decided to work hard starting from now. I actually studied SS for an hour just now. I HAVE NEVER TOUCHED THAT BOOK FOR MORE THAN 10 mins or so. Haha. But i can't say the same for History. I still cant even read a page out of the stupid text book. ERGH.Okay, so today's Suyu's burfdae and tmr's Mathew's burfdae and Saturday's Awi's burfdae. Gosh, i hope Zu remembers to remind the rest about the celebrations on saturday itself. cause i probarly cant make it on Friday night. Oh pepper, Pls pls remind him! Lol. Detention tomorrow for the WHOLE CLASS! haha. Smart arse, Ms Teo caught all of us. Bleh. School tomorrow ought to be good. No one will make me feel inferior without my permission which i will not give to anyone.Lol,ok whatever. Would you please get our from under my skin? Cause I can't begin this yet. And I don't know what my intentions are. They're speaking in a different tongue. And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem. But I won't let you know. Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance. And you should go, go, go. Oh, would you please get out. I'm not as strong as I seem, but I won't let you know.and Dhea, you are such an irritating wuss today. er, fuck u much. and love you much much much too. and shalu, you ROCK my world hunnay. HAHA.you said we were an accident
with accidents you'll never know what could have been
so we were an accident
you will always be my favorite one.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:55 PM
Friday, July 15, 2005
To: EVERYONE.I love the feeling of seeing the many eyes locked at me and I loved the fact that they enjoyed themselves seeing me do my thing. I have come to realized that what I really wanted was to make others happy. I absolutely love seeing smiles or hearing the laughter of someone I had just talked to or entertained. It makes me feel really happy. However, at this age, I have come to realized that getting a media career is not going to be easy for me. It was something I really want to do but I know it isn’t a cup of tea for my family.
They always saw the arts as the last resort. To them, having a career in the arts isn’t even half as good as having a career in a medical firm or in an applied science company. I strongly disagree with this narrow-minded point of view. I know and I secretly believe that they are wrong. Perhaps maybe it may seem that someone in the medical firm makes more money and are better respected by the society. But are they happy with their life? Was it really what they wanted to do or had they no choice? Making money is not my first priority. Its more of being happy of what I’m is doing. As many have realized, they would rather be happy and poor that unhappy and rich. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. It’s really just how passionate you are towards doing it. I do not see any difference between a doctor and a vet to a singer/song writer. In fact, a singer/songwriter is someone who interests me more. It’s stupid, how people look up to a doctor so much when all they do is the same boring things over and over again. Anyone who is willing to work hard can be a doctor. All you need to do is to study and stuff like that. It’s easy to find a doctor who hates what he or she is doing. However, being a singer/song writer is not as easy. It requires a special something in them to be able to write music which people can relate to. Again, anyone can do this if they are willing to. It’s the willingness, not how smart you are. But this doesn’t mean that singers/songwriter or IT professionals are any less smart than doctors. It’s just the special ability in them, which may be present in a doctor as well.
Everyone is different and our lives are not supposed to be anything like someone else’s. So you really don’t have to try hard to be something or someone you are not. It is impossible to be someone else and do what someone else does. You can never be the best of that someone else. You can only be second best. However, you are definitely the best of yourself. No one, NO ONE can be what you are and you can never be anything like anyone else. Everyone is special. Everyone is different. We should thank god for this as it only means that we are the best. The best of who we are.
Only you know what is best for you. Only you know what your heart wants to do. Believe in yourself and do what you really want to do. Don’t do it for the sake of big money or because it’s what others want you to do. Do it because you know it’s what you should be doing. Do it because you love it. No one has the right to decide what’s good and what’s bad for you. You make the best decision for yourself. Follow your dreams if all you wanted to be was an actor or a doctor. Follow your hearts calling and you’ll be happy with your life. You surely don’t want to find yourself in a position where you are too old for an education to start a totally new career. It might be possible but you may find it hard to study while having responsibilities to look after. You don’t want to feel that tinge of regret every time you go to work knowing it’s not your passion. Knowing that you should be doing something better or more to your liking. You know someone has the job you need-the job which fits your personality and passion. Why not you?
haha ok. just wanted to remind thats its all MY CHOICE.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:50 PM
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Todays definately the best day of my life ever since school started. why? cus i skipped school. Actually woke up at 6.30am but then i went to my mum and i told her its too late and went back to sleep. Woke up at only 11 plus.hhah. no mdm rubiah for lit, NO soo gek for history, no ms teo for bio AND chem, no uncle malek for maths. haha. uncle malek! LOL. and soo gek is a fucked up history teacher. i hate her much.and mdm rubiah's getting way too bitchy. too bitchy i cant stand it anymore. ms teo's fine but she still have not spoke a thing to me about my report book. gosh. how do you tell a teacher that u just don't feel like doing the homeworks they've given you? Like seriously i dont feel like doing any homework except for maths. So i've been doing for people their maths homework and then make them do for me my Lit or history. Yea, Lit too. i love lit but i hate the teacher. hah. i mean,mdm rubiah is funn when she teach and all but she demands like fuck. ergh. i miss mrs ang so much. she was such a great Lit teacher. though not many liked herr. i guess she was nice to me and all. bleh. and can u believe it, mdm rubiah made me go for detention for not doing ONE question. yes, ONE FREAKING QUESTION. god, whatever happened to sweet english teachers?So Nic told me to blog yesterday thats why i'm doing this. hah. This's for you, Nic. i Love you la. haha. anyhoos, ms teo didnt come yesterday so we had no chem and had to go to ms agnes' homeroom. That lady is fantastic. haha. Seriously, she actuallly understood and smiled when i said that the pupils in the science stream are not supposingly smart. They just decide the whatever subjects they are doing. I dont think being in the arts stream is any bad. Its what we decide to do. And she agreed. And then yesterday Jeeva and harith we fighting at the back of the class.The rest of us we laughing at the hilarious sight and She did not even scold them or ask them to stop. She said " Just please don't kill youself in class ok? " LOL. She's damn cute laah. And i was so LONELY in maths yesterday cus zhirong didnt come. ergh. that boy is the best maths friend la. hah. We've done so many wacky things in maths class together. LOL. Drinking COKE in class, disturbing others, skipping class and played uno next door and so on. much fun when he's around. But he is a mood swinger. hah. i swear he pissed me off when we were at heeren the other time. ALL he did was SLEEP and when he woke up, he was mad at EVERYONE cause he wanted to sleep more. lol. And then i waited for Dhea - she had girl guides and all. So then we went around Bedok to look for Roti boy or whatever but we didnt find. hha. she was so confident there was an outlet in bedok laah. In the end we went to Macs and ate ice cream. hah. Dad's coming home TMR! lol. i smsed him about the bravery gig and he said he'll talk to me when he returns. gosh. i wish he'll give me the money. * prays hard * hah. anyway, There'll be a lot of things this month. Here are some which i have to go:Lushington Entertainments
present(s) The Bravery Live in Singapore
With Special Guests: electrico
Stadium Green
05 Aug 2005 (Fri), 7.30 PM at the Singapore Indoor Stadium Waterfront2 Stadium Walk
Standard - S$60
The Young Companypresent(s) Macbeth
DBS Arts CentreHome of Singapore Repertory Theatre
20 Merbau Road
Robertson Quay
Standard - S$20
From 04 Aug 2005 (Thu), 4.00 PM to 06 Aug 2005 (Sat), 8.00 PM Ok right. I have to go for the macbeth shit and i HAVE to go for the bravery gig. hah. I already missed the GC gig yesterday. Of which reminds me. i'm so jealous of you, Pepper. haha. I think Benji's DAMN cute lah. haha. Ronin's performing at the School of rocks semi-finals.on the 24th.i WANT to go. haha. Oh, check this out:Awi Rafael Band at TimbreAwi, Athif and Zuher will be playing this Friday, 15 July at the old Fat Frogs cafe, now renamed Timbre. It's situated right beside the Substation, Armenian Street. We will be playing 3 sets of easy listening pop numbers. Music starts from 10.30pm til 1am. Come down, have a drink, or get yourselves some snacks and enjoy the music with us. We'll having having a rockin good time! More details at www.timbre.com.sg.LOL. Awi Rafael is the band name. that is so lame laa. HAHA. What the hell are those guys thinking? haha. But i'm sure they'll do good. (:Oh, i wrote this a few days back:They may be smilling, asking " how do you do?"You opened up and let them in ; thinking they love youThen you find out the truth; how hard it hit youYou feel it poking you like voodoo.You need to do someting; but where did your senses go to?This is the story no one wishes to tellKept inside, though sometimes we yellNo one cares ; dont you feel like killing?We're not nice. Its hard to be niceBut still; We all pretend to be niceDeep inside we knowDirty little secrets we all hideTrying so hard to fill the empiness insideDon't you know; theres no useAfter all,The truth will find us soonIt'll hurt so muchSo much it'll bleedBut still; we'll pretend to be nice.LOL. Ok lovelies, much update tomorrow maybe. Please pray for me - i don't want to be seen in school tomorrow.esmerelda. ((:Walking through life unnoticed. Knowing that no one cares. Too consumed in their masquerade. No one sees her there. And still she sings.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:00 PM
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Seriously didnt want to wake up for school in the morning but i didnt have a good reason. So i had to go to that misery place. It was pretty shitty in the morning in maths class. Mr malek started shouting and all about our results. He was all lecturing and yeh. But i guess whatever he said was true. But still...it pisses me offf laa when teachers starts to shout for no apparent reason. And now Jeevas sitting another sit back me. But actually it doesnt matter. cus we still crapped. Haha. eh that smart boy actually took pink form and got it approved only because he didnt do his mother tongue homework. Smart arse i should say. I mean thats how our class get away with not doing homework. Take pink form and leave school. Just yesterday 4 of us took it at the same time. And the teachers actually believed they were sick. Haha.I love literature MORE now. hah. We're doing a book on a play and its really into drama. We're leaarning about stages and plays and dramas... I LIKE! hahh. We will even have to act the whole thing out some day. i Love it lah. And being a set designer is damn cool job. i like! hah. But its like so the visual art. ERGH. i dont like. hhah. yeh.And i was damn rebellious in English today. i cant believe the teacher cancelled everything i write which was pretty long and wrote her crap which is just 2 sentences. i mean, ITS MY ESSAY RIGHT? bitch sial. i got pissed. i mean if shes gonna cancel everything and write her shit which was SERIOUSLY stupid, then why ask me to do? She's a Nolifer i swear. Oh,Tyron was in our class all the way during english and she doesnt even notice him. ahaha. And then history class was as usual rubbish. never hear a thing. Feeza and me ate HELLO PANDA! I had a craving for it. haha. yehh. Then it was recess. which was ok. I cant possibly complain about recess right?? haha. CME was FUN. mice and me just kept crapping and laughing like nolifers. hah. We laugh at every rubbish thing la. And we were suppose to make a list on What Girls Want. haha. and we both wrote CRAPP. hah. i shall not mention what we wrote though. HAHA. yehh. and then had mother tongue which we did not do anything. hah. miss rubiah even let us out early. Yepps. Boy,You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything. You're gonna question whether you really know me at all. You will revisit every smile, and where it fit into the day. I know this is how it will play. And I try to think of all the things. That I could do to let you know that I love you. Even so I was not looking to do you wrong. Was not looking for a change of scenery. Don't remember where, or when, or how I did. But I'm hoping that you'll forgive me. Do you remember how we used to run in the rain? Wishing it will wash away our pain? I try so very hard. And I cry so very much. For I love you like you'll never let yourself feel again. I love you like a brother and a friend. I love you with my whole heart until it bends. I love you like a lover until the very end. But I'll always think of all the things you did to let me know that you love me. But you're leaving.I don't even know why i bother write all that down. Not that it matters anymore anyway. I know. Just don't remind me. Please pretend i don't know a thing. Cause it wont hurt much that way.Much Love Boy, Much Painesme-reLda ((:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
6:11 PM
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
So i just reach this place called home, from school. Had a super lame day. actually it was a normal day. ahha. yehah. i LOVE maths laa. i am finally catching up again. hehs. My mum surprisingly went out. to her mum's place. its been ages since she went laa. ok no. just a few months after the incident. hah. yeh.
Firstly this is weird. i mean, the guy i mentioned who is leaving? its NOT Awi ok? lol toot's leaving for London next month and then suddenly some people thinks its Awi? LOL. And i heard Rachael Yamagata from daryl's mp3 laa. and i got influenced. NOT cus of Awi ok? ergh. and the picture of us? it does'nt mean a thing ok darlings? Like a few people have been asking me the same damn questions lah and its sick. yeah. So, no offence but i dont like it when peeople ask me stuff like that. Especially when's its NOT true. hah. and PLEASE do not assume anything without knowing any truth. theres nothing in much in his blog about Nabawi. LOL yeaah.
Ok so haha. i heard "everything" on the radio and they sound DIFERRENT laa. lol. i like the song sung live better. yeah.
Went to macs with dhea and atiqa just now and we started talking about her. Perharps she's stil lying to us? i don't know. And sometimes i just dont want to know. and whateevr she said to dhea, i have a pretty good excuse for it. it might be my fault,but i'll find a way to not make it my fault. haha. we'll see.
i know i say that i'll blog about the day at the beach? um im lazy. haha. so basically i was playing at east coast with jannie lynette mumu zhirong and timorty and mice. yeh. then we tried pushing each other into the sea. hah. but we all pushed timorty in and he was damn wet laa. zhirong is damn bad. he planned everything laa. hah. yeha. so much fun. we made timorty swim. hah. fun laaa. i love them a lot. then mice and me went to drink and we took cab home. yeaps. sent me first then to her place. hah. i was damn tired i slept till the next day. haha. i'm such a pig? Tell me about it. heh. =X
OMG so in class i was telling everyone that David B and his wife are in town and NO ONE believed me laa. Until i let them listen to the power 98 news. hhaha. and when i said Tony blair and the russia's prime minister are here too eveyone didnt believe me either. WTF. and everytime i say OIC they were like "huh?" , "whats that?" Wah sometimes my classmates really gets on my nerves. bleh.
Was suppose to do some drama production but with the people involved in it, i dont feel like joining. its totally like you wont have a say. Everything they say ALWAYS has to be right. ERGH. its fucking irritating. maybe others will be ok with it. but not me man. i dont like being instructed on what to do. err not me. especially by people whom i have little respect of. x)
You sat down next to me, like poetry to wine. Our window looked upon a yellow neon sign. I took your hand while you decided what to do. The only kiss I ever miss, I shared with you. The other cities hold a memory still of a place .But, when I dream of London, I can only see your face. I want you. Or no one. No one else will do. You, or no one. No one is the only one to fill the empty space I hold for you. You simplified me down to slogans on the wall I took offense, but you were right about them all. My friends are telling me I shouldn't waste my time. But I can't concentrate until I make you mine. I'm drawing cards and making wishes down by the well .Who would've known I'd lose myself in that old hotel . No one else is strong enough to slow me down in time to set me free. I want you. No one else is fine. No one is the only one to fill me up until I make you mine. ERGH.
Ok enuff rantings. ((:
esme-relda
Much Love boy, much love.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:25 PM
i have school in a few hours time. ouch. that hurts. i hate school. i hate school much. they're always telling us what to do. i hate being told what to do. i know what to do. i need to stop loving you.For I love you like you'll never let yourself feel again I love you like a brother and a friend I love you with my whole heart until it bends I love you like a lover until the very end .much love boy, much love
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:45 AM
Monday, July 04, 2005
I'll find a way to see you againI used to think that anything I'd doWouldn't matter at all anywayBut now I find that when it comes to youI'm the winner of cards I can't playWait for meDarling, I need you desperately hereAnd I'll find a way to see you againThe rain is like an orchestra to meLittle gifts from above meant to sayGirl, you falling at his feetIsn't lovely or stunning todayWait for meI'm alive when you're here with me, stayAnd I'll find a way to see you againWhy do the street lamps dieWhen you're passing byLike a band that won't stay on my shoulder tonight?If you held me close, would you laugh it away?Would you dare the glance that I steal to stay?And I'll find a way to see you againThe rain will bring me downone day; i believe the wind will bring me back to you.Much love,esme-relda ((:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:21 PM
Sunday, July 03, 2005
dont leavei begplease.i need u
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
6:52 PM
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Last two days were so much fun. Maybe i'll blog about those 2 days. Right now i shhould be doing my essay. I usually enjoy writing but this topic is crap. Cant think much. I wrote a song but i dont think i would blog it cus it would be too obvious then. Anyhoos, i love my friends a lot. My adopted gang and my luohan gang. You guys mean everything to me. Everything. nicola,mira,maisarah,shalu,pohsuan,raymond,zhirong,jun hong,lynette,jannie,jeeva,tpt,mumu,farid,stella,sheryl & the rest of 302.I could be the one_Much love boy,much love.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
6:03 PM
