SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Friday, November 25, 2005

http://www.livejournal.com/users/butterfly_lies

Thats my livejournal account. Read the latest entry. i cried trying to write it and in the process of writing. I cried when i talked to rifah about it. no one knows abt this except for maybe dhea. i remember how i cried on the phone when i was talking about this to her. some year ago? I could always cry with dhea. i will never forget the moments. you make me feel better everytime im down. and i miss u.

i love you dhea. and happy birthday!

and oh, i got my i/c letter TOO!

<3

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:10 AM

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Atiqa woke me up at 1030. It was raining and so i had a really good time sleeping which explains the way i talked to her. "Hello?" "HUJAN!!" "HELLO????" "HUJANN!!!!". LOL. Well, i finally realise what rubbish i was saying and i woke up. Supposed to meet at 1130 but i left my house at 1131. Haha. Reached mrt control station at almost 12. And boy, it seemed like only 6 or 7 in the morning. No sun, due to the rain. So we wenta lavender and made her ic. Arrrr, i swear we were damn bastard about the birth&death certs shit. Haha. So anyway, the woman who was attendin to us was called toh mei chan. And that reminded me of TOTO-CHAN! Haha. Yeah, wtfh. I have not even read the book seh.

After the ic shit we went to bugis's seoul garden. Ive been having a craving for seouul garden for the longest time and atiqa was apparent craving for it too. So had our lunch. Arr, seoul garden makes me sick. And yet i always feel like eating there. Oh, welps. The table beside us had 4 boys and they ate atleast 50 plates. Boy, the seriously had not waste any money. When we arrived, there were already used plates stacked up on their table. And they continued eating while we were eating for almost 2 hours or less and when we were so fuckin full, they still wenta get stuff to eat. They seriously wants to die early i reckon. Wallked around, and then we made our way to ceneleisure. Get the tics and the show starts at 0450. And we still had almost to an hour. So we went to search for starshots. And believe it or not, its CLOSED DOWN. AArr, i wanted to scream. But welps.

So we went to Heeren and took the ever annoying neos. Hmm. Walked around and atiqa bought Akmal a shirt from fourskin. Saw a really nice tote in brown but it was TOO small. And, oh i bought a wallet or something a the wallet shop. i LOVE it. heh. And Freshimp has got really nice tops. Each for only 29.90. I hafta get atleast 8 seh. haha. but nadiah must find a rich boy first. LOL. Oh wells then we realised that we were late for the movie. Haha. So wenta ceneleisure. And of which i found out. Rock school is fucking Nc16. But i shall get in. Hurhur. And we were late by a few minutes. Haha. And oh, Exorcism of Emily Rose is AWESOME! Lol, seriously! Its nothing like a typical ghost story. Arr, if anyone wants to watch it, bring me along! I want to watch it AGAIN! Lol. Even atiqa enjoyed it lady. Gee. So we went Wisma after the movie. Walked around. And then headed for Bedok. Arr, atiqa n me had some really nice chats. I told things no one outside my family knows. Things i never told anyone.

And If You're Gone by 3dash1

I'm gazing at the mess

I'm going through
What a life

A lie so true it hurts to keep inside

So listen up

I cannot live a day without you here

By my side

Nor can I stand to be within your sight

Shun your lights

I'll miss you when you're no where near my arms

But I know

I'll try to run when my senses tell

And if you're gone
I'd be the first to sigh inside

But when you're far away

I'd be the on to call you back
so come to me

As I will promise you my time
and time won't tell me twice

That I'd be wanting you to leave when you're in sight

A problem solved a problem will emerge

I'm entwined

Confused my heart is telling me to run

To where can I?

Is this the fate I'm destined to collide

Must I try?

A love I've lost a love I'm trying to find

I run around

I hunger for your presence in my heart

For awhile

I'll fade away when I feel the time is right

Breakdown

Need you no more
But you're too far

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:00 AM

Saturday, November 19, 2005

This is so sad. I'm so sad.
Tmr's Shikin's wedding and tmr's peace concert. At the exact same time. Can someone decide which should i go? Both wont happen again. So,how? ARRR.

Just reach home from shikin's. She had her henna ceremony. And then we aalll went to mustafa in a lorry. Ain's boyfriend drived. ARR, lorry rides are excellent. Only your butt tends to hurt. But its nice, lady. And i was talking to Pepper on the phone. I want to see you and everyone else tmr!!! God, i miiss everything and everyone so much. But,bleh. Like how awesome, rafe&ronin's performing! And not forgetting new set glory. Boy, i feel CRUSHED. Pepper's happily dying her hair. *KILLS!*

Seeing my b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l costume for tmr, i feel worse. I WANT TO WEAR IT!!!! But, i want to go to the peace comcert too. TOO. TOOOOO. Sons, how?

Oh RADHIA called me! ARRRRR. i miss YOU so much my SWEETEST hunnay star. i feel like you've gone for OUR honeymoon and sadly, without ME. Hurhur. i <3333>

One more moment

Dont take too long to say
I love you to the ones you love
Cause time has a habit of slipping away

And out on a clear blue sky
When lightning strikes on a sunny day
Just take me in and keep me from the rain

And the words that seem so hard so say
Come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while and hear me say

That I want you here tonight
And I need you by my side
For just one more moment
For just one more moment with you

Turn away to say goodbye
With each and every word that passes by
Like a distant memory

And time keeps slipping away
And time will turn to grey
And time will be the one who holds you down

And the words that seem so hard so say
Come out when you've gone away
Just stay a little while and hear me say

That I want you here tonight
And I need you by my side
For just one more moment
For just one more moment with you

Sometimes time will treat you bad
Before you even know what's wrong
And in the end it hits you hard
Please tell me you'll be strong

Thanks to Levan for sending me this VERY new song. Balls, everything was done just YESTERDAY! Arr, the lyrics' very not ronin eh. But the song's very nice. Levan said "Pass it around!" . Ok, if anyone wants the song, tell me and i'll send u. (;

<3,
esme`!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:16 AM

Thursday, November 17, 2005

ARRRR, Harry Potter is LOVE! Haha. Gosh, the show was awesome, lady! Haha. Met shalu at 5.15 instead at tampines mrt. And we met Feeza and Rifah! Lol. Rifah was like "Eh, she look different eh?" As in, i look different. Haha. I looked different meh? I was'nt wearing anything weird? Haha. Wore the neon orange top and my light denim jeans and converse. Lol. Ok so wenta city hall and we look for the marina square directions. (we seriously forgot how to get there). And so we decided to ask the control station apek. So shalu was asking and i started laughing. And the apek also laugh siaaah. WTF for, apek? Haha. And then we were suppose to take some bus to marina. and well, shalu didnt allow me to blog about somethings which happened. HAAHAA. Ok so CEDRIC died man. Like, shalu and i were drooling over him thru the whole movie and he DIED!? Ergh. And arr, the cute guys behind us. Lol. I didnt really see how they look like but they were so funneh. We were laughing thru,with their stupid remarks. Lol. Cute siah. But shalu and i got too emo over cedric's death we forgot about them. Haha. After the movie shalu had to go home straaight. And my mum was missing again. Haha. She didnt call me at all thru the night. When i reach home at almost 11, she wasnt back. ANNOYER. Lol. Well, she apparently went to Shikin's wedding preparations. Arr, weddings. (;

<3,
esme`!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:26 PM

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Ms teo was nice today. Haha. I have to pay $150 for my report book. WAAAHHH. Hmm, cousin farah's very sick so she cant go for harry pottter and i'm going with shalu! Shalu's a lucky bitch and she's so excited. Lol. Meeting her at 5 and i have to leave soon cause i have to get the tickets from farah. Well, i hope she gets really well soon. Arrr, how fast people can fall sick. And sons, she's missing harry potter! And i know just how much she <3>

Happy birthday to my beloved father. I dont know what age u turn today but u sure havent turn any younger. i love you eversince i saw ur face and you know it. remember how i use to cry every morning before you go for work and i always made u go to work late. But you never complained. i just wanted you by my side always. I guess you really know it. I miss kissing you everytime you came back from work. You work so hard just to bring us up. And never did you scold me for no apparent reason, You always had proper explanations to everything i asked. You were always there when i needed someone. Never have i felt any hatred towarss you. In fact, tears always fall down my eyes, when i realise i have YOU as my father. Dad, you are AMAZING!!!!!!!! i LOVEEEEE youuu. I think my dad has some power. - he just called me!!

Mira & me were at kfc just now and we met AZMIR!!! "ARRRR mira, KFC KFC KFCCCC!" Mira, that goondu girl went "TAMAGOTCHI,TAMAGOTCHI!!!" Well, she had a craving for...yes, tamagotchi!!

Rafe<3,
esme`!

P/s: I've been watching your world from afar. I've been trying to be where you are. And I've been secretly falling apart. To me, your strange and your beautiful. You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see. You turn every head. But you don't see me. I'll put a spell on you. You'll fall asleep. And when I wake you, I'll be the first thing you see. And you'll realise that you love me. Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first. Sometimes the first things you want never come. And I know that waiting is all you can do.

AHHHH,<3<3<3.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:40 PM

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Seveenteen / December 2005

Sagittarius
Nov22-Dec21

The sagittarius girl is : Honest, outgoing and optimistic
You special trait: You never doubt yourself
Your little secret: You can be a bit narrow-minded
Best mates: Aries, Leo, Libra
Best avoided: Taurus, Cancer, Pisces
___________________________________________________________________

Oh, I've just realise. Today's the 15th. ARRRR, Feeza&me! 2 months. (=. Hur hur. And, 22 months? Brrr.

Random thoughts: Please DON'T download music. ._.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:16 PM

I doubt anyone has ever met someone more annoying than ms teo. God, really. So i finally decided to attend class this morning and hello, feeza and the rest were not there. So obviously i have not done the biology homework laa. In fact, i had just copied the questions from lynette a few minutes before. Arrr, so she made me and Johnathan go home cus we have not completed the homework. And she gave us that fucking smile of hers. Like, really, whats her fucking problem? And i wont get my report book until i finish the fucking biology homework. Not even a fucking question to be missed. What, she thinks i'm a fucking ass just like her? Can somebody be my friend and fucking kill her once and for all. I mean really, how can someone like THAT be part of my fucking life? And worst, she's my fucking teacher. Errgh. Whatever happened to lovely teachers? And i'll see her again tomorrow. How fucking bad can life get? OOHH, fuck her.FUCKK HER BIG TIME. I dont care if she's hardly surviving haaving that face. I dont care mr leong ditched her. I dont care if she should ever die. I really dont care.

Ok so yesterday's jalan raya was'nt that bad. Except for the fact that the weather, quoting Juan, is "fucking annoying". Cause it really was. It was so HOTT. And god, in baju kurung. And the make up melting due to the heat. Gosh, many times i had wanted to take a cab to everywhere but then again, they were TOO many of us. 15, infact. Hmm, Atiqa, Feeza, Fiza, Nazura, Haqiem, Helmy, Taufik, Qasta, Farhan, shafirul, Alif, Haidar, Amir, myself and i think there's someone i cant remember. Lol. Wenta 8 or 9 houses. Bleh. It was very nice though. HAQIEM IS ANNOYING! Ok, not Ms teo's kind of annoying. Haha. Haqiem rocks lah. He talks much crap. And yeah, he's very good at membingitkan orang but in a very funneh way. He and his burger-. haha. And all our random jokes. And what feeza, fiza and myself did at atiqa's house was hilarious. Gosh, we were practically ROFL in her toilet! Hhaha. Took pictures in the toilet, sat on the floor and well yeah, ROFL. haha. And the boys were always smoking when we were walking along some ulu areas. Bleh. And Farhan, thanks for telling everyone I smoke and thanks for doing it during bulan puasa man! ERrr. I went back home after Naz's house. ARR, waiting for the bus was a killer.ahha. It was different. To be surrounded by 15 crazy lovelies and then BAH! All alone. God, friends are love.

Okae so i went to KFC for breakfast cum lunch with Cheryl. That girl talks a lot man. Haha. I mean, its good she talks but she doesnt crap . No, no. How did i survive that? Arr. And i reached home at about 12 plus and SLEPT! all the way till 0530. Haha. Mum left to my aunt's house, in preparation of Kak shikin's wedding. ARRR, in 4 days time! Lol yeah. Too bad i wont be there for the nikah shit. Hhaha. PEACE concert! Yeah, whatever. haa. Am suppose to go there later but I really have to finish my biology stufifngs. I dont think i would be going. haha. I dont feel like going. Remember i sprained my ankle some 2months ago? Ah, it still hurts. Reaally. Hmm. Off to doing my biology hunnay starrs.

I miss -. I want to marry YOU!
Arrrrr, <3, LOVE, <3.

Rafe<3,
esme`!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:36 PM

Monday, November 14, 2005

Today's rather tiring. No, i shall not blog about exactly what happen. Shall post the pictures when i get them. It was'nt a blast or anything. Not bad either. Oh, i met Khairul. Hmm. Not very interesting. He does not make my heart skip a bit. Lol. (Not like anyone recent has). And sweet words don't skip any beat either. It has just lose every significance. Haha yeah whateevr.

My eyes freaking hurt. Like wtfh la. I dunno if i'm going tmr. Hurhur. Atiqa asked me to call her back but she hasnt reply my msg since. She's probarly sleeping. How annoying. I need someone to talk to siah. Dammit. I need to hear someone's voice. Times like this, i need just someone but where is EVERYONE? Uh, oversease, o`level, school. How come I have nothing to do?

And today seem to be moving on so slowly. Like, its only 1 plus. WHY, WHY, WHY!?

You never get over someone you truly love. You just learn to live with the loss.

rafe <3,

esme`!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:48 AM

Sunday, November 13, 2005

I seriously wonder where everybody is. Haha. Ok actually I know. Atiqa and Feeza are in Ipoh. Radhia's in London. Nadiah and Alif are in Chai chee. Farhan's in Simei. Shalini's in Tampines. Hanna's in Hougang. (or BEDOK!? or, HOLLAND V!?) Haha. I miss my <3>

Went to Little India with mummay and auntie and bought another sari. Sent it for tailoring and all. Had thoughts of wearing it for Shikin's wedding but that was so annoying. Haha. And then went to Arab street. Aunt went for spa. We walked around. Bought a lot of stuff. (my mum's - everything). God, i wish i will grow up to be like her. She has never work before. But...she's so rich. ERGHH. Alhamdulillah. And, Thanks to my late grandpa.

Ok so I'm gonna watch Harry Potter with Farah this Wednesday. (i dunno why i agree. i NEVER enjoy harry. LOL.) But then again, i would have a good time sleeping. Thats for sure. Hee hee.

And Farah asked me to play this game. http://flash.qbol.net/pl;p/youxi/images/04042203.swf Try it! Haha. Very nice and annoying. Farah asked me to figure it out while she...sleep. Wtfh, i know. So i asked Zuher to play it and he gave me this link and ask me to play the game. (ofcourse, i had to convince him that that link had no virus. -_-). And the link he gave me is http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/180106 . So i clicked PLAY THIS GAME. And, WTFHHH LAAAA ZUHERR!? Haha. I know, what a SICKK game siall. Haha. Ok so now we know why zu's status is ALWAYSSSS busy. LOL! But ofcourse, he denied and said he had "work" to do. And then, i told him to stop denying and well, he confess....he's a FREAK. Like.."i'm a freak!". Lol. So well, now we all know! YAY! and Zuher's FREAAKKKKKK. It suits him la. Haha. And he even thank me for it. Well, no prblem, no problem. (You guys really should try that game sometime. well, Not like i have..LOL). (((=

Ok, I'm happy now. Lol. I have to curl my hair for tmr. Bye!

<3.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:59 AM

Friday, November 11, 2005

Birthday wishes:
` A make-over with pictures. (I really don't know why, haha.)
` Rockstarr treatment. (Hur hur hurrrr purrrr)
` Guy in denim jacket. (HAHA. Like whooaaa! Wtfh, -!)
` A digicam. (A one-year old wish.)
` <3 color="#ff0000">` Dotty to come back (Have been Waiting desperately for almost 2years & will wait for a lifetime)
` CASHHH! ($$$$$$$$$ and $$)

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:31 PM

When you love someone, your life would be filled wih joy. You would be very happy. But the more I love you, the more I get hurt. And it hurts so bad, I have to let you go. And all the time I see your face, I wish we can start over from where we first met. You smiled and the room lights up, and everytime i see you, my heart skips a beat. No, seriously, it does skip a beat. I don't want to close my eyes and see you in my dreams, cause it hurts to see your smile. Now that you're gone, still I'm moving on. I refuse to see and I keep coming back. I'm stuck in the moment and wont turn back.

Sometimes, you just never forget.
<3.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:59 AM

Thursday, November 10, 2005

For full updates on the Rock School, Click here.

For full updates on the Peace concert 2005, Click here.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:27 PM

BUTTS!
Ok i am going to type this real fast because i seriously have to clean my room. There's clothes EVERYwhere. Haha. Am talking to Kief online. And he's desperately trying to sell this off:

Brand New TimberLand Shoe, Size 9, Men's, $50, WANT!?
I have been given specific instructions:
1) try on the shoe
2) sell the shoe if it doesnt fit
3) auction the shoe if no one wants to buy

And he apparently cant fit cus he's of size 8. Like wtfh la. And oh, I learn malay slang from the best, not like the rest. Like yeah, whats malay slang, Kief? Lol. AND, thanks for teaching me how to ASSUME. AND, please shut up about me being a library fugitive. ANd, thanks for your POS BEE account number. (Not like i would transfer any money into.) ANDDDD, we could fit into the neo print booth cause they're of the amazing race! ANDDD, i hope someone buys that shoe fast so you can fix ur bass E string! (no, i'm NOT buying it.) ANDDDDDDD, Girls do NOT use the mascara with our mouth open ok! LOL.

And believe it or not, i went for my maths bidging programe just now. There's another one tmr but my mum says i don't have to go. Haha. Because seriously, it was not worth waking up at 8 in the morning.Like i was talking to Juan and ms Rubiah online and Mr yong did'nt bother. Wtfh la. Went to cck just now. Arrrr, brings back some odd memories. Lol. I miss sweetie. And i already miss Atiqa & Feeza. My exorcism of emily rose tics are only valid from Mondays-Thursdays, starting 17th nov. Anyone want to scare ourself? Lol. And I'm going for the Peace concert at American School on the 19th. But,the only problem is its FARRR. I need someone to drive me there, dammit. Oh no, i miss milo dinosaur at Simpang! All thanks to Levan for reminding me. Hur hur. He''s probarly enjoying it now lah. And may his stalker find him. LOL.

Off to cleaning my rooom sparklin clean! (right..)
<3<3<3.

If love was a bird
Then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky
We'd be blue
If love was a choir
You and I could never sing
Cause love isn't for me and you

If love was an Oscar
You and I could never win
Cause we can never act out our parts
If love is the Bible
Then we are lost in sin
Because its not in our hearts

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

If love was a fire
Then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was a light
Then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold

If love was a sport
We're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean
Then we are just a stream
Cause love isn't for me and you

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

I know we had some good times
It's sad but now we gotta say goodbye
You know I love you, I can't deny
I can't say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us
Somewhere along this windy road we lost the trust
So I'll walk away so you don't have to see me cry
It's killing me so, why don't you go

So why don't you go your way
And I'll go mineLive your life, and I'll live mine
Baby you'll do well, and I'll be fine
Cause we're better off, separated

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:15 AM

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Peace Concert Lineup 2005
19th November
Singapore American School

6:00 pm: Six on the Beach (30 minute set)
6:40 pm: Summer's Over (20 minute set)
7:10 pm: Rafe (30 minute set)
7:50 pm: Once Upon a Time (20 minute set)
8:20 pm: Saw Loser (30 minute set)
8:50 pm: Elemental (20 minute set)
9:30 pm: Breakfast Club (20 minute set)
10:00 pm: Ronin (30 minute set)
10:35 pm: Set For Glory (25 minute set)

Tickets can be bought at $10 at the door.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:38 PM

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:39 AM

Monday, November 07, 2005

Sometimes, I imagine the world without you
But most times, I'm just so happy that I ever found you
It's a complicated web, that you weave inside my head
So much pleasure with such pain
How we always, always stay the same

I'm feelin' the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
i'm ridin' the highs, I'm diggin' the lows
'Cause at least I feel alive
I've never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you

You go, and then I can finally breathe in
'Cause baby I know, in the end you're surely leavin'
Well we're rarely ever sane, I drive you crazy and you do the same
But your fire fills my soul
And it wounds me up like no one knows

'Cause I'm feelin'the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I'm ridin'the highs, I'm diggin' the lows
'Cause at least I feel alive
I've never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you

I'm feelin'the way you cross my mind
And you save me in the nick of time
I'm ridin' the highs, I'm diggin' the lows
'cause at least I feel alive
I've never faced so many emotional days
But my life is good
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you
I'm feelin' you

Oh I'm feelin' the way that you cross my mind
And the way that you save me in the nick of time
Oh I'm feelin' the way when you walk on by
I feel light, I feel love, I feel butterflies

I feel butterflies

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:36 PM

01 11`05 - The eve of the eve of happy hari raya.

I/We/Us had a rocking good time. Lol. Went PS and all. Paid something at some shop and we went around. I wasnt fasting but we buka-ed at Swensens. Had a craving for its calamari. Lol. And the ice lemon tea tasted like it had alcohol in it. Like,it has that taste. Haha. Had much fun,talking crap with my offically crappy frens (: And i finally met Ron! Like finally siah u idiot. LOL. I also bought the 10 in one curling thongs. Which cost me a freakin $69. (Like thanks a lot, -- , for choosing the most freaking expensive one.) And sometimes, all i want to say to him is "PERGI MAMPOS AH". But i really can't. Right? And oh, happy deepavali (:

____________________________________________________________

"EH, are'nt you a-s-t-h-s-m-a!?"
"NO, i'm E-s-m-e-r-e-l-d-a LAA! Like what are u smoking (!?)"
____________________________________________________________

02 11`05 - Eve of happay hari Raya.

Woke up pretty late, (thanks to early morning of curling my hair), and my hair was still so curly when i woke up. I love the curls la. But it took so long to get it the way i want it to be. -thanks to my super thick and straight hair. Irony is'nt it when i had curly hair and i rebonded it and now i want curly hair again and its so hard! Like how annoying. I wish i can like have straight hair whenever i want it and curly hair wheneevr i feel like it. Lol right. So then cleaned my room and such. And then Nabil called. He was at Far East with the car. So i ask him to buy me RAFE's album at Hmv Heeren. He had troubles finding it. I said R-a-f-e and he's like "raa fee ah?" Lol. And then he called again and went like "OH, RAFE (rave) LAAA!" and i was not surpirsed. haha. So he bought me the album which means i saved on that one. Haha. So then my mum, samir and me were supposed to buka at my grandmere's house so Nabil said he could fetch us and drove us there. And boy was i surpirsed when i got into the car, i heard "wherever i should go" laa. Haha. RAFE RAFE RAFEEE! Ok so reached my gram's place and Nabil headed for simpang.(!!). Lol. So bukaed and fuck. Not like i was fasting. And then watched Pesta perdana! Lol. Ok i think i got a little too excited about it. But it turned out to be damn boring. Lol. Ok so we were all watching the anugerah guys performing and my mum has changed her favourite. Sheuse to LOVE azmir cus he's Nabil's friend but now she reckons Khairil's the best looking of the 4. (and ofcourse i agreed with her a 77990%). Lol. And she kept on ranting on his cuteness and fuck. And samir look at me and went "ok so kau setuju dengan pemilihan calon?" HAHA. (I wish!). Lol ok so we took a cab home and apparently, my father and aunt and uncle were already home. So we went to simpang for supper at like 2 plus. And lepak and all. Lol. And then went geylang. Like seriously takde kerja. Haha. reached home at like 5 plus almost 6 am and Nabil still was'nt home. Shiok la he. And then i slept like a PIG. Lol. Oh, i forget to mention. Rafe's debut cd cover pages had a pic of all 4 of them facing back, showing their sexay butts. And boy, i must say i really like that picture. ROFL.

0311`05 Happay Hari Raya!

Woke up at around 11am. Bathed and curled my hair. i didnt think it was suitable to wear the saree for the first day of raya cus it kinda reveal a bit too much than something people always wear for hari raya but my mum insisted. (i really wanted to but did'nt want any bad-mouthers). But my mum said its ok to dress that way and so i used my saree. And i really love it lahh. But it annoying when everyone went like "oh,it is her traditional costume what.." Cause it really is'nt! Lol. I manage to fork some truth out from my father. So actually, his father & mum are pakistanis. But his father's mum is an indonesian.(jawa). So that explains the malay face. -_-. And my mum's mum is singaporean arab whereas my mum's dad is an arab and was born in Yemen but moved to Indonesia at a pretty young age. He then moved back to yemen and got married. But his wife died and he had a few children. But he then left to Singapore where he got married to my grandmother. And yeah. All i can say is i've got no specific race. Lol. And hence, i'm mixed. To which, :D. Ok so we had plans to go west the next day and i was so excited! Cause all we went was pasir ris,simei,tampines,bedok,opera & siglap. Lol. But i collected about $113 for day 1 only! Like how exciting!(:

0411`05 2nd day of Happay hari raya! [1 more month to my burfdae!]

Woke up pretty late. Aunt Naema slept at granmere's house. So i had the bed. Lol. Ok so i wore a red baju kurung which is kain saree. Lol. Ok so today i straightened my hair instead. NO. i diidnt. My hair is straight. Remember? (i hateit so much). Anyway, we then went off to a few houses. And again, everything was in BEDOKKK and TAMPP and SIMEII and Fuck la. East side is so boring. I mean, really, why live so near to each other!? Lol. I promise, when i get married, i WILL LIVE IN THE WEST! LOL. Haha right. And then there were plans to go to Woodlands and thats North. So i went like "Huh? Woodlands? Alaaaa...Go Jurong laa...WEST!" and my uncle went " Asal? Kau ada matair kat West eh?" And my brother went "Eh Ma, khairil tinggal mane ah?" And apparenlty dunno fom where my mum knew, she said "PASIR RIS!!" and everyone laughed cus we were at PASIR RIS. Lol. How annoying. And has anyone heard of Samy Vellu? He's a datuk in malaysia who,apparently, is the Menteri Of JALAN RAYA! Lol. And my mum says she wants me to marry him. Like WAAAAHHH bastard gilerrrrrrrrrrrrr. =. Ok so we went around and all and went to Simpang AGAIN for supper. Lol. Ok so my we told the mama to invent a new drink - RED DRAGON. LOLL. its Ribena on the top & Blueberry on the bottom. Haha. And the chinese man beside our table actually ordered the same thing! And omfg, i miss the milo dinosaur...hurhur. Reach home at about 2 plus almost 3 and i slept like a Pig,again. Lols.

<3<3<3<3&fairydust,

esme`relda

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:14 AM

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

OMFG,its NOVEMBER.(!!)

Ok another late night post. (in fact,early morning!). I feel so fucked up still. Like yeah,life's great but it has little black holes and theres a BIG one right in the middle of it now.and it doesnt make sense. i mean, totally. Like how do u describe feelings that you dont actually feel? Oh fuck it. Maybe i do feel it.(i'll admit,i just dont want to admit it) But i'm trying to erase it out. And its as good as erasing...(everything!?)...well,not everything. But ONE thing. Ok, i dont make any sense there. But fuck it.

i seriously have lost my flair and interest in writing. Thats like the ultimate reason why i did that bad Literature. God, i wish i can TALK through a lit exam. Like really, talk to get marks. (!?). I mean, face it i LOVE (LOVEEEEE) to talk. And i wish i will meet someone,(anyone), who would listen and talk with me. Like, TALKKK. It wont be anywhere near heaven but it would be nothing like hell. (err!?)

and again, it is SO love/hate.

fuck it.

<3/hate.

<3<3<3.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:33 AM