Friday, December 31, 2004
.song]-[spin-dimana janjimu yang dulu .
We are very blessed here in Singapore...blessed that our little island was spared from the tsunamis. Let's take a moment to remember the thousands of lives (more than 123,000 at the last count) lost all over the region, the millions of dollars of damage and the millions all over asia who are now homeless and without their loved ones....can you imagone that happening to you? i think the world's goin to end soon.and im still not devoted to god.im trying..
ok shussh.i actually repaired the fucking cpu myself.k la not repaired.the thng is nothing happened to it.i jus had to put some wire here and there and vaa laa its done.haha.k u pple dunno wat happpen. welll i dropped the cpu off the table.um yeh i did.haha.siallah nabil wasnt mad at me but i jus started crying.ahah.and locked myself in my room.siao i swear.hahax.and he asked me to go out but i cant.i was..crying too much until farhan,my cousin who return to singapore with me from is winter break in america,came and asked me to get out of the room cus he need to give me burfdae prezzie but i couldnt cus tears wont stop.and he left for malaysia without goodbye and i'll never see him until..wat? next july? gosh.all because of fuckin pms.whaha.well..yeh.
so tonight's alreadi 2005.right?um yeh.i will miss 2004 like hell siaal.i mean.a lot of things happened.yeh almost killed me but watever.those are like the best things.THE BESTTTTTTT~~~~~!!!!! gossh.i miss him*.i miss them.i miss the outings,late at night.i miss the tears.the laughter.the times when we were all friends and lovers.the times where we were carefree.now wat happened to those timess?how did it all ended so soon?i jus wish i can live this yr agen.and make the wrong things right.but i guess i wont be able to do it.i do not regret cus without all that,i wont be here today.but sometimes i still grief.i mean,we are all not friends anymore.pple doing their own things with a smaller grp of friends.its difference.but no i dun wish to be friends with everyone agen.people who make me learn that u cannot even trust ur best friends.now how insecure is tat.im glad their not my bestfriends.never were.she just pretended.so she can have him.fuck off la she hurt me like hell and in the end she didnt even get him.crap siall.
talked to shalu yesterdaa nite agen.haa.like until 3 i think.we talked and talked about 2004.haa.about the friends we thought we had who ended up hurting us.i love shalu la.she understands me like no other crap.and we can take each other's crap when everyone else tries to shut us up.she and me 's so maggot with cheese.aaha.anyway shalu and me have been close since we were in sec 1 la k we share our secrets since then so i dun wanna hear crap like next yr sure i and shalu close and blah2.. jus becus we are in the same class.we are alreadi close la k.and i miss her.and yaya.and dhea.and farhan and atiqa and him.hhaha.crap.k screw the him part.i miss my friends!!!!!!hahas.all of us carrying a pink and black bag combination on the 3rd.haha.cool shit.that's what's friends are for.
its only 1:36pm and im awake siall.i mean i slept at like 3 plus yesterdae.and i woke up at like 1 jus now.early siaah.ahahs.pig siaah.ahaha.mummy's out.nabil's coming home soon.its raining!!!!!!!!!!!! and they are not showin the nation's countdown!!!!!!so iguess tonight must go out ah.hah..crap.i feel like going shopping.haha.oh god father's coming home todayy.weeee!!!miss him!uahuha.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:55 PM
Thursday, December 30, 2004
-ashlee simpson-lala .
You can dress me up diamonds
You can dress me up in dirt
You can throw me like a line-man
I like it better when it hurts
Oh, I have waited here for you
I have waited
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a French maid
When I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream
You can meet me on an aeroplane
Or in the back of the bus
You can throw me like a boomerang
I'll come back and beat you up
Oh, I have waited here for you
Dont, keep me waiting
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up i want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream
I feel safe with you
I can be myself tonight
It's alright with you
Cause you hold my secrets tight
You do, You do
You make me wanna lala, lalala, lalala, lalalala, lala
You make me wanna lala, lalala
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floorI'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the doorI'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna lala
In the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a french maid
When I meet you at the doo
rI'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream
You make me wanna lala, lalala, lalala, lalala, lala
You make me wanna lala, lalala, lalala, lalala, lala
You make me wanna lala, lalala, lalala, lalala, lala
its not my fault im addicted to this song...its just..as crappy as me..
[esmerelda]
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:43 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2004
taufik and sly - [all for love.]
When it's love you give
I'll be a man of good faith.
then in love you live.
I'll make a stand. I won't break.
I'll be the rock you can build on,
be there when you're old,
to have and to hold.
When there's love inside
I swear I'll always be strong.
then there's a reason why.
I'll prove to you we belong.
I'll be the wall that protects you from the wind and the rain,
from the hurt and pain.
Let's make it all for one and all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for onee it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show
and make it all for one and all for love.
When it's love you make
I'll be the fire in your night.
then it's love you take.
I will defend, I will fight.
I'll be there when you need me.
When honor's at stake,
this vow I will make:
that it's all for one and all for love.
Let the one be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show
and make it all for one and all for love.
Don't lay our love to rest
'cause we could stand up to you test.
We got everything and more than we had planned,
more than the rivers that run the land.
We've got it all in our hands.
Now it's all for one and all for love.
It's all for love.
Let the one you hold be the one you want,
the one you need,
'cause when it's all for one it's one for all.
It's one for all.
When there's someone that should know
then just let your feelings show.
When there's someone that you want,
when there's someone that you need
let's make it all, all for one and all for love.
[esmerelda]
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:00 PM
Friday, December 17, 2004
ilove you. sweet kisses
i will never forget
the wonderful days we had
the days when you were
my life. my heart. my soul.
i used to think that
we'd be everlasting and strong.
but now i realise that was all
just a jubilant fantasy.
thinking of it makes my heart break
but i love you just so.
sometimes, i wish u were still by my side
like how it used to be
but now. i sit here alone.
just remembering all the things we shared.
hoping that one day.
you would love me
and make me happy again.
but i know its impossible*
this is a love. that is so strong. and everlasting.
i love you lots. please dont let go of me.
sweetkisses.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
6:27 PM
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
[song]-[shalu's voice on the phone-sexay!!]
- 11 months -
supposed to be 11 months todae.haha.ya jus the other dae it was his burfdae?haha.god time flies.and if you ask me its seems like jus the other dae he strated to sms me and i thought he was a great guy.i miss those times.but i shall never let history repeat ittself.i believe,watever happened happened for a reason.and meeting him taught me a lesson.many many lessons actually hahax.but yeh.i dun regret meeting him 11 mths ago.went through funn laughter pain and even tears with him.we shared a lot of things.i remember once he called me on my phone he was crying.yess,crying.and i was out wif mice and fana and a few others.he was upset.how i noe right i was out having fun wif my frens it was a lovely night i was about to meet some cute guys and bah he called and cried and he got angry wif me cus i was goin to meet some guys.wtf la.haha.but i remember i was so like fucked up wif him i had no mood to meet those guys.blah.stupid siah.haha.i mean he tells me he has a crush on some gal straight to my face and when i talk abt some other guy he got angry with me? gosh i hate tat.k lets nt talk abt him.i dun miss him. i miss being with someone like him.
and yeh.got this frm livejournal.haha.contributions to gals like me.take your time to read it.cus as a gal, i think its true.:
1. On the phone / gossiping / talking / whining
2. Makeup and accessories - hair (wearing hairbands around their necks and letting their hair flop around their eyes - I mean i don't care if your hair is in your eyes... but if you have a hairband, wear it!), bodily or other (eg pets, possessions and other people)
3. Shopping, especially window (especially for things they don't want, just for the thrill of it - "a man is someone who pays $2 for a $1 item he wants. a woman is someone who pays $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want")
4. Sighing, obsessing (eg: omg what did he mean when he said: 'I'm going to sleep'?!! how?!whatdossit mean?!!") or giggling about crushes / doing other requisite things with sighing - 6 hours compared to guys' 5 minutes for the works / writing stories involving them & their crushes
5. Hair (includes blowjobs on wet/dry hair and styling, playing and accessorising, rebonding, hair extensions, perming/using curlers, cutting it whenever they undergo some great emotional change / trauma)
6. Nails (manicure, filing, buffing, embossing, painting with horrid colours, drawing of measle-like dots)
7. Shaving (or other forms of hair removal - waxing, tweezing, hair removal cream or laser), especially regretful when not done thoroughly, leaving 'shadow'
8. Reading the surfeit of redundant, gushy, sex-obsessed, overpriced, sappy and soppy girly and self-improvement magazines on the market which just make them feel yet more inadequate, starting a vicious circle which leads to more purchases of said mags
9. Daydreaming (aka fantasising)
10. "Cute" stuff (real or contrived) - including dolls, origami, soft toys and fads (Tare Panda - on drugs and squashed by a steamroller, Hello Kitty - no mouth, Powerpuff Girls - sickly 'sweet' voices reminiscent of the smell of decaying flesh, Qoo drink's mascot - one ear, Disgusting Chick [Groovy Chick] stationery etc...)
11. Colour coding / decorating things (esp those with obsessive compulsive disorder) - writing their names on their notes in fanciful fonts / Doodling / vandalising friends' notes with flowers etc / sparkles on handphone screens? / Squirting fabric paint on the insides of their belt/shoes/bag/lockers/files/whatever they get their hands and fabric paint on
11. a) Decorating their possessions endlessly with various loud, garish and distasteful patterns, getting upset at their prior work when their moods change with the movement of various heavenly bodies, then trying to cover or eradicate all traces of their previous attempts and start again
12. irc/icq/M$N/chat/Friendster (so desperate NS guys can ogle at their pictures)/other internet communication
12. a) Compulsive email forwarding syndrome, especially "cute", "sweet" or "meaningful" ones, where the probability of forwarding rises with the size of the attachments
13. Long baths / long times in bathrooms, in addition to long changing times
14. Little notes on sparkly perfumed light purple paper with fluorescent pink ink, decorated with various grotesque shapes and entities
15. Perfecting printed handwriting (usually small / invisible) / writing in 'cute' font (or 6 different colours and pen tip sizes)
16. Silly and incomprehensible jokes/antics on guys (even other girls)
17. Giggling or laughing at everything and nothing / squealing (sometimes like small girls) (even over vegetables?) / yelping / screaming / shrieking (eg playing ball games - when they catch/throw the ball, when the ball comes near/almost hits them, when insects come near) / jumping up and down
17. a) Entering into interminable giggling fits with other girls
18. Ogling "cute" guys (often squealing) - In NJC, bored girls rate guys coming out of the toilets : '0', '10', '-5,', 'hopeless'. Sometimes, if they're bored they say the ratings out loud so the guys can hear / admiring other girls
19. comparing br****s, legs, hips, butts, waistlines and figures, and boyfriends' penis sizes when older
20. romance novels / sappy movies (giving girls false ideas about sex and love, leading to future disappointment and pain, being cheated on by AC guys and making them extremely screwed up)
21. Looking in the mirror / pretending that they're very chio (pretty)
22. "Nice" stuff as gifts for others which invariably takes a long time to make / staying up until 5 am to make little 'thank you' cards for everyone in their cca/class/both/everyone they know.. half of which get tucked into a corner and forgotten/throw away and trashed anyway
23. Extended periods of time locked in the bedroom performing unspeakable acts
24. Being fussy with food / destroying their digestive systems - being anorexic (3 fishballs for a meal!?), protein diet, prolonged detox, bingeing, sharing portions of food meant for 1 person with 1 or 2 other anorexic girls, eating very often but very little each time, starving themselves for months at a time and then pigging out during sleepovers
25. Beautification - real or psychological (exfoliating scrub, toner, blue tracing paper [aka blotting paper], face/skin lightening cream, facials, nail polish, bust enhancement/implants, various other varieties of snake oil) and feeling offended and objectified when men look at them admiringly. Either that or trying to look like a guy
26. Cooking (often not finishing the food)
26. a) Baking cakes/cookies/pastry and then complaining about how they're so lousy at it while the boys wolf everything up double quick.
27. Holding hands while waving and skipping / bouncing / bounding around
27. a) Holding another girl's hand and swinging it up and down repeatedly, like a swing
28. Whining / fretting that they're fat / look fat / have a big butt (despite weighing 30 kgs and eating less than a Somali on a diet.) and professing to be willing to enter Obedience School (BMT) to shed the 23kg that I did, regardless of its horrors, while constantly reassuring other distraught girls that they themselves are stick-thin.
28. a) engaging in solipsistic arguments about how they're hungry but don't want to gain weight.
28. b) Whining / fretting that they're ugly or have too many pimples while saying all their friends are pretty (even if they aren't in the first place) - in reality it's just a perverse game they play so people - especially distressed boyfriends - will assure them that they truly do look good
29. Sparkle / milky / scented pens (sometimes with weird things attached to the end) / glitter
30. Deciding what to wear (esp considering outfit + shoes)
31. Spending enormous amounts of time in front of music shops gazing at posters of the latest "cute" Jap singer
32. Devising lists to contribute to militant chauvinism / other acts against the dominant "oppressive" social order / being chauvinist
33. Spending hours in their rooms struggling with a needle and thread trying to raise the hem of their school skirt
34. Acting cute (often failing, sometimes grossing people out) eg making baby noises, pouting, posing etc
35. Taking [more than 10] personality (or other emotional evaluation) tests / evaluating their psyche / going for therapy and/or psychoanalysis
36. Fashion [disasters] (butt-hugging, butt-cheek-revealing hot shorts!!!, very short, ankle or even heel revealing hot socks, midriff baring outfits, especially when they are chubby, all manner of garish coloured outfits, appalingly coloured/designed sports bras, those horrible head scarfs [bandanas], gigantic hoop earrings, ghastly accessories).
37. Gushing over "touching" and/or "romantic" (read: mushy) stuff
38. Games involving one or more of the following: co-operation, co-ordination, hand movements and clapping. And inevitably, lots of giggling. (Eg: Strawberry Shortcake)
39. Compulsive photo-taking / photo-sticker disorder (Group shots in buses [2S06A'01], Andrew Gan eating a sundae pie, their meals [possibly to count calories and keep themselves going when they're starving themselves], group shots in the toilet), exchanging pictures
40. Touching / pulling / hugging / leading each other
41. Taking unearthly amounts of time to perform unspeakable acts in the toilet, usually together with other girls in toilet outings, and waiting for everyone to be done before leaving; in the meantime doing dumb things like splashing water, mashing toilet paper to throw on the ceilings, sometimes adding enough water to make them fall on their friends ('only netball girls do that'), and taking group photos; as a result of which, they waste 5 times as much time queuing for toilets than men
41. a) Trying to perfect the art of hover pissing because of the erroneous fear that they will catch something if they sit on the toilet seat. In the end they take three times as long but still end up dirtying the toilet seat (encouraging yet more women to hover-piss)
41. b) Freshening up every 10 minutes even where there is no need to
42. Obsessing over trivialities (and getting angry over minor perceived transgressions) / being overly sensitive / petty (eg girls having a spat amongst themselves about how they shouldn't be friends because so-and-so didn't give so-and-so a Valentine's Day present)
43. Talking about / Shopping for extra clothes to fill the already burgeoning closet(s) / shoes to topple the overloaded shoe racks
44. Drawing up elaborate lists detailing their "ideal" man and exchanging them with other similarly emotionally disturbed girls, then falling head over heels in love with the first jerk who comes along
45. Being racked with indecision, vacillating constantly
46. Writing notes to people they already talk to (and/or see) everyday, often on free postcards, even if they are right next to them
47. Hugging files to their bosoms tightly (sometimes closing their eyes and shaking to and fro when they think no one is looking)
48. Practicing inane actions that they think make them attractive to boys, eg. Blinking, fluttering eyelids, batting eyelashs, sucking in their cheeks, swaying their hips
49. Breaking down inexplicably, taking the rest of their clique with them / "happy also cry, sad also cry"
50. Being squeamish over the littlest things
51. Boybands (ogling, fantasising, singing their songs, making fun of them [for those not totally caught up])
52. Taking forever to eat but never finishing their food (because they're full, on a diet or have played with their food till it becomes inedible)
53. Coming up with and struggling to keep to diet plans which they don't need in the first place
54. Dotting their 'i's and 'j's with hearts and circles
55. Carrying around a surfeit of stationery - eg 30 of the funny highlighter pens with a marker on one side, and a pen on the other / owning about a million bags + pencil cases + wallets (purses) + handphone covers to match their mood/clothes/bedsheets/room color/menstrual flow and what not
56. Naming/giving life to their stuff
57. Talking / complaining about their periods (according to Melvin)
58. Talking about virginity and also on the subject of losing it - when (also according to Melvin) (confirmed by a girl)
59. Talking about guys60. Getting presents for people for the most trivial reasons / occasions
61. Playing with each other's hair (RJ canteen, some J2s - 1 person, 3 stylers, 4 spectators, all 8 girls, braiding 2 pigtails), bouncing or tugging fringes and ponytails
62. In RGS, the girls watch sunrises through school windows
63. Carrying around [miniscule] [hand]bags which can barely hold anything
64. Complaining about guys and expecting them to be as screwed up as they are
65. Playing the guessing game, leading to mutual hurt, distrust and vituperation:A: I'm pissed with youB: What's wrong?A: If you don't know what's wrong, I shan't tell you!
66. Discussing weird stuff eg whether they sleep naked
67. Attaching bells, mini-soft toys or assorted dangling things to their bags, ankles or mobile phones
68. Mutilating themselves when they're stressed, bored, depressed or have just been dumped (pricking, cutting and the like)
69. Talking about those inanely pervasive soap(opera)s. The type that can get really confusing if you don't watch them.
70. Faking cramps so they don't have to do PE
70. a) In pinafored schools, faking that they're not wearing a bra so they don't have to do PE
71. Being kiddy
72. Acting Bimbo
72. a) Being butch to gain popularity
73. Fawning over babies / animals
74. Quarrelling/catfight/"friendly bickering" over stupid pens or the like
75. Moving in pairs (sometimes packs)
76. Getting green eyed when they see a prettier girl, pretending to fawn on her and later backstabbing her
77. Reading/watching Yaoi (and other sorts of manga and anime) and writing fan fiction and drawing fan art (This entry is specifically dedicated to Yaoi Girl :) )
78. Nagging persistently (exemplified by most grandmothers and mothers)
79. Trying to matchmake their friends (most popular among those already attached)
80. Being insecure and paranoid
81. In St Margaret's, the girls make a game of ripping each other's ties off, thus releasing the zips of the blouses which fall some way, depending on how hard the ties are pulled
82. Professing their love to each other and asking their friends if they love them too. If their friends say no, they get angry.
82. a) Forming families with a mother, father, brother, sister, hubby, darling, maid, pet turtle, pet dog, pet cat, neighbour, sister in law and brother in law" and such because they were emotionally abused as children and need a support network, where one's role is dependent on one's looks/behavior/sexual orientation. Eg dogs whine and cats are annoying
83. Having a compulsive, morbid fascination with the colour Pink
84. Cakes and pictures and more cakes and more pictures at every juncture/occasion/whatever reason they can think of
85. Forming cliques and swearing loyalty, then chatting and screaming and talking about their boyfriends so loudly anyone can hear them anyway
86. Complaining they have no money and then blowing 50 bucks on new clothes that they don't need
87. Spending hours and hours cutting and pasting pictures of their friends and pasting them into collages in their folders... Then throwing them away to start a new collage again, destroying perfectly good pictures of people in the process
88. Mutilating/wasting their diaries when they change their boyfriend and can't stand seeing their ex boyfriend's name in the diary
89. Making people wait. And wait.
90. Practicing being/pretending to be ignorant about certain things (usually involving dirty work: changing tyres, light-bulbs, etc) so that guys will be duped into helping them.
90. a) Waiting for help to arrive rather than helping themselves: when guys are around, suddenly being incapable of doing the simplest things for themselves at all, eg getting a straw
91. Reading lists like this so they can flame the author :)
91. a) Write extensive rants about lists they were offended by, such as this one, nitpicking each and every sentence with spelling/grammar-error filled rebuttals such as "omg ur teh fagit cos u hate womyn", and "men ar like soooooooooooooooo dum". Often, the rants end up being much longer than the list itself.
92. Walking ridiculously slowly, often being distracted by frivolous/trivial things along the way
93. Singing nonsensical little ditties that they make up
94. Making either a) pastel coloured blogs with lots of pictures of cute stuffed toys and hearts and exclamation marks and horrific grammar and observations about boys who are "very cuuuutte... but mi scared to tok to him lor.. nvr see b4... teeheehee" or b) pastel blogs with strange titles on each entry "lace bleeding along my thighs" / "whimsical rhapsodies playing in my cranium" and general moody bitching that comes straight ouf ot a tori amos song.
95. Taking neoprints of themselves and their friends in every possible factorial combination. (eg. 3 friends will take 6 neoprints to represent all the possible positions - ABC, ACB, BAC, BCA, CAB, CBA)
95. a) Pasting said neoprints all over their calculators and files.
96. Spending hundreds of dollars to change their hairstyle to make them look completely different and then getting offended when people don't recognise them anymore.
97. Spending that much extra time to ensure that every inch of their handphone covers are festooned with neoprints and hello kitty stickers, configuring true tunes for individual callers, downloading logos, only to replace their phone a month later, usually on parents/boyfriend's largesse.
98. Watching patiently and nodding as you explain to them how to perform IT related tasks such as burning things onto CDs or configuring desktop settings, and saying "yes i know" to your repeated admonitions, only to call you for help the very second you're out of sight.
99. Spending all their time making lucky chatterboxes/flower games/lotus flowers/Guan Yin Ma's Seat /cootie catcher (those folding things we played with as kids, the ones which usually have some "fortune" written on a petal and you open and close it to some jingle and then pick one petal to "open"?) - actually writing all the fortunes themselves and then getting pissed off when they pick one they didn't like.
100. An unending preoccupation with marriage/fantasising about marriage
100. a) Adopting the last name of each new boyfriend that comes along and writing it all over notebooks and folders in nothing other than sparkle pens and girly fonts etc...
100. b) Adopting their favourite celeb's name - Mrs Carter was in for 5 years, and Mrs Di'Caprio for 2, even using them on the radio, and coming up with names for their kids
101. Reading tabloids and/or watching celebrity shows, making lengthy discussions about them as though they were breakthroughs in science.
102. Plotting tactics for winning arguments with men. But wait a minute. Men never do the talking in the arguments anyway, nor do they start them.103. Watching taped episodes of reality TV shows, sometimes pausing the scenes to "capture the essence".104. Buying and listening to "music" made by the latest popstar on MTV, BET, VH1, Disney, or other mind-rotting TV channel.105. Arguing with people over their taste in music, because the other party listens to a music genre they don't like.106. Buying expensive or exotic food that they will not eat, and arguing with anyone who finally eats the food because they "planned on eating it later".107. Spending in excess of 100 dollars on soaps, lotions, and bathroom ornaments that can be easily bought at a local dollar store.108. Signing up for credit cards, using them all up on fashion and other useless junk, and crying about having no money to pay back the loan sharks who call them regularly. Then they'll still blow their income on said fashion and useless junk.
109. Making expansive hand gestures repeatedly
110. Imputing undue importance to certain essentially meaningless dates (eg First pet's death anniversary, conjunction of certain designated heavenly bodies, day and time of first hickey given by boyfriend), then kicking up a big fuss if they are not adequately commemorated
110. a) Imputing undue importance to certain essentially meaningless facts about themselves (eg Volume of flow, crests of biorhythms, favourite texture of parquet), then kicking up a big fuss if they are not remembered
111. Analysing and cross-analysing in excruciating detail the words and actions of others, often reading into them implicit meanings that don't actually exist, and seeing daggers where there are none (which explains why girls like to do Literature)
and guess wat?rueven's gettin me taufik's autograph!cus his band will be performin for the new yr partee thingy.hah.i swear i love him.-for getting me the autograph tat is.hahas yeps.besides,been a long time since we meet.k no la we met jus the other dae.so long since we sit and talked.uh yess.hahax.seems like i've been missin alot of people who used to be in my life lately.gosh i guess some people jus wont be around forever? i think so.
ok so jus now woke up late.at like 2 plus.bathed.went down feed those stray cats.pity them siall.haish.then watched heartlanders.omg didnt realise vincent ng was tat hot until i watched my mighty in laws.yeeps.he's jus so hot laa.so yeaa.then i had a fight wif my mum.and i jus went out of the house.not tellin her anyting.i went parkway.bought a few stuff.ouh yeh tat reminds me i bought the pink giordano curdroy!! yeep.also bought the white giordano tank top.sleeveless la.yeep.hahax.and i bought a baleno top.bought like 4 pairs of earings.bought happay house sticker and hair band.damn cute.hahax.and omg i was walking alone i met this guy who used to be from our sch.umph actually he's suppose to be in sec 5 this yr but he transfered.i noe cus he's also my bro's fren.grr.haha.now this guy is hot.i swear he is.haha.he smiled at me ah and i jus smiled and look and walked off.then i turned back he waved.ahahax.cute siall.damn la he's my bro's fren.screwed.haha.but yeh wateverr.then mum called.asked me to met her.i was pissed siah.but like wtf i jus met her ah.we went to eat.she bought me a reallli nice handbag which cost like 129 bugs.haha. gosh i love her.haha.so yeh.and then walked around.and went home.weee.i spend a lot this dae.ya cus its suppose to be our anirversary right so must enjoy.haha.k rubbish.
christopher and nicola!!! i swear i hated her when i saw this pic.hhaah.but i love her too much la.and i love him more i thinkk kiddin.((=
DECEMBER:Loyal and generous. Sexay. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.Honest and keeps secrets.
haha.k fines.i'm off.im tired laa.so yeh.BYE!
[150104-151204]
[don't know why i'm still counting,when you're not bothering]
[esmerelda 
]
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:59 PM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
I cant wait to see you
wanna see if u still got that look in ur eye
that one u had for me before we said our goodbyes
and its shame
that we gotta spend our time being mad about the same things
over and over again, about the same things, over and over again
oh, but i think shes he's leaving, oh man, shes he's leaving
I dont know what else to do, i cant go home not loving you
I remember that day u left
I remember the last breath u took right in front of me
when u said,that u would leave
I was too damn stuborn to try to stop u or say anything
but I see it clearly now
and this choice that I made keeps playin in my head
over and over again, playin in my head
over and over again
oh I think shes he's leavin, oh man, shes he's leaving...
i dont know what else to do
now that i realize that im goin down
from all this pain youve put me through
everytime i close my eyes
I get down... ohhh I cant go on not loving you
[happay belated 17th burfdae my old flame. Forever in my heart you'll stay]
[esmerelda]
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:57 PM
Monday, December 13, 2004
[song]-[ thats what friends are for-Si finalists]
[ - know that you can always count on me - ]
oh god a long time since i blogged ya.darn i noe i noe.u people miss me right.whaa.hahax.well life is great.except for the fact that my mums aware of my addiction to the net and she locks the room door.haha.wat she doesnt noe is that i hav the key too.so when she's out,im in.haha.k shh.
u people noe wat.i am strange.haha.i mean.i hav benn havin really strange dreams lately.uhhuh.i mean the other day i had a dream of taufik.like as if we are related.like my cus or something.ofcourse i would prefer if he's my husband.whah.k lame.but yeh.and it was like we took photos together.and then my camera went missing.HAHA.and yeh i woke up la from my dream.strange is'nt it.and den yesterda i dreamt of rezza.he was at my house.and is my bro's fren.haha.and its like we were not fighting.and we were suppose to take a pic together but i got no camera.and ya i was awoken.and then i dreamt of sly.yes,SLY.he came to my house.k thats lame right.and the funnay thig is he was also my bros fren.wtf siall.haha.and i was oh so excited.i went to bath.haha.and i was searchin for my white gior back racer top wanted him to sign it cus i didnt hav a camera.so yeh.but when i got out of my room.he was not there alreadi.i started cryin.hahaha.and i think all my dreams are like tellin me to get a camera.a digital camera.ouh well i really think i should.beeen eyeing on one and il either buy it or get my mum to get it for me (=.haha.
am talkin to shalu.apparently theres an idiot in irc using my nick and acting like me.now that sux.umph yea.if u think its nice ,i noe its nice.grr.fuck off la.i got no time to track down the idiot k.so yeh.
so wee.hahax.im bored.well here's a list of wat i should be getting~
- a digital camera
- a discman wif fm stereo
- taufik's album
- sly's album
- singapore idol complilation album
hahax.k like as if batisah and sly's album and SI one out alreadi.hahas.so yeh.need to buy sch bag and shoes.wtf.haha.k la ask my mum to buy forme laa.
ouch i hate all the bitches stupid stupid anyhow sae taufik's theirs or like their bf or wat.when all they did was shake hand and ouh photograph and watever.not like he ask you to make baby right. stop irritating my ass off la.there;'s even bitches in friendster they write testi for each other saying like - taufik's MINE!!!- eh fucker la.piss me off only.all thoses pple are reallie 55.9 siah.eww la.
not like dheA and me.haha.got 7 and 8 hubbays each.wtf.haha.hey pple u guys should watch my mighty in laws on channel 8.noe y?cus vincent ng is super HOT in it.uhhuh.hahas.so yeh.but its endin on tues ah.sad sad le.hahs.so yeh.and yeh.i need to go to PP la.happay house.need to get wrapping paper for sshalu's book and mine.wrapped my chemistry book alreadi got left for shalu's.nee dto get wrapping paper for bio and f&n and lit la.so yeps.
oh yeh.taufik's album will be out on 20th dec.and i dream vid be out on the 12th.damn la,i wont be in singapore.DAMN.GRRRRRRRRR.bleah!someone's got to get the album FOR me!!!!
guess atiqa batisah should stop here.hope to dream more tonight.so yeh.bye hunnays.take cares. love u all bunnays.and ouh yea...taufik is an obssesion and he's mine.
And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you
And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try
To feel the way we do today
And then if you can remember...
Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Well, you came and opened me,
And now there's so much more I see
And so, by the way, I thank you
Oh and then, for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and love
With the words that's comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, ...
Oh, keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
Oh, keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, oh for sure
Cause I tell ya
That's what friends are for
For good times and for bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for
For sure,
I won't leave for sure
That's what friends are for
[ esmerelda]
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:59 PM
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
[song]-[i dream-sly's version]
((=
there you'll be,smiling back at me_
mummy's not happay with me.like whatever laa.im the one you love to critizise and hate anyway right.so no big deal la k.i shall not let all this shits control over me.jus like wat rueven said dun let ur feelings take control of your body.thanks man for that cheered me up.well yea.i should be this cheerful bitch and not let pple make me sad.my life's great its jus the people aroound tryin to make a shit out of everything.jus fuck off la k.i noe we noe u noe that u are not special.so dun act like you know everything when you really dont.so ya.jus fuck ur way out of my life.
so yea.got a reallie nice skirt black colour from esprit frm my cus.i love it siaal.haha.and yea took photos of some of my fave new clothes.wee!ahha.got the pics below.yeps.i bought olive oil and loreal treatment spray for hair.good according to my mum.umph yea.and i bought mascara maybelline.umph yeh..i forget to buy eye liner siaall.wtf.mine went behind the tv cupboard.forgot to take back.haha.yepx.and im goin to get the pink cudroy gior pants.nice.yepx.haha.then bought 2 vcds..13 goin 30 and this show called osama.its about a girl named osama actually.yeaa.
i've been eatin my burfdae cake since like 4th dec.haha.still got a lot siaah..nice.haah.and the leftover mac coke from yesterdae nice siaah.hha.there's something abt mac's coke.its...addictive. god yea.and the sundae special for finding nemo.umph i cant remember whats its caled.but boy was that addictive..hahax.yeps.k i am super lame la.wtf.
and haha i love to blog.crazy siah.really do la.cus i can write and write alot and pple still can see.haha.irritating u noe go to pple blog and like u alreadi read the post.so yeh.not like my blog.haha.sure got some crazy thing.well yeh.cus i rawk laa.haha.omg yeh i downloaded taufik's and sly's version of i dream and one where the both of them sings.NICE!i love it laa.and i listened to the whole song jus to type out the lyrics.whaha.crazy siah.haha.here's the lyrics.if you people want the song,IM me when im online i'll send you no problems! ((=
In my mind,I can climb
All the mountains that surrounds me
My spirit’s there where eagles dare to fly
In my heart,there’s a spark
That can light the world around me
And open door where I am sure dreams are
It doesn’t matter if I win
Or the colour of my skin
Cause the race is all about believing in myself
I dream, I can run, like the wind and be strong
When my heart jus wants to give in
I dream, I can be , the hero that’s in me
When I dream, I dream
There’s a time, In your life
When the odds are so against you
There’s no defeat if all you keep is pride
First or last,slow or fast
There’s a defeat if all you keep is pride
To drive in on when worlds have come apart
Doesn’t matter rich or poor
Or the things you’ve done before
Cause the race is all about believing
I dream, I can run, like the wind and be strong
When my heart jus wants to give in
I dream, I can be , the hero that’s in me
When I dream, I dream
Of a moment, that will be on it
When the torch is passed only dreams will apart
That is shared by everyone..
I dream, I can run, like the wind and be strong
When my heart jus wants to give in
I dream, I can be , the hero that’s in me
When I dream, I dream
I dream of you..
this is the esprit skirt!! love it siaah!
[ *MORE PICS* ]
well yeh..i guess i really should sleep.before i kena caught usin the computer at this time.haha. well kaes laa.BYE peeps.love ya all!!! take lots of care will ya?
love kisses and fairydust, esmerelda_
i hope so bad,i dont want to be the one you played.
but you did .
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:53 AM
Monday, December 06, 2004
i wish i could run away sometimes from everything and everyone.or that i couldnt feel anything that has to do with emotions.there's only one emotion i want to understand and feel, happiness.hurt, sadness, pain, confuseness can just fuck off.
but thats never gonna be possible.cause the world is cruel.so screw me for being human.humans are probably the hardest Things anyone could ever be.cause we feel too much,we judge too much,we assume too much,and we hurt too much.
for once, i wish there was some medicine that you could take and be all,ANTI-SADNESS for the rest of your life.but then that wouldnt be good either,you'll never be sad and you'll never understand how its like to be sad at people dying or stuff like that.people would call you weak cause you won't know how to control your emotions.i thought i could.until now.
i wish i could just put you out of my mind.why's it so fucking hard?i thought it would be relatively easy.but it isnt.
so screw emotions.and screw me for being so..fucking stupid.
i hate this.
i hate me now.
my heart is yours to fill or burst,to break or bury,or wear as jewellry,whichever you fucking prefer .
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:28 PM
i guess things are not how they use to be
there's no more normal families
parents acts like enemies
making kids feel like its world war three
i made this..
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:55 PM
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:58 AM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
i turned 14 yesterdae.haha.like as if you pple dunno.well yeaa.yesterdae at exactly 12am dhea shalu atiqa and farhan i think called and they sang me a burfdae song.haha.so sweet manx.umph yaa.and then we talked for awhile.and then i watched nightmare on elms street 3.or is it 2?no its 3 laa.until dunno wat time in the morning.and slept.woke up at like 10 pluss..was awoken by the door bell..was my brotherr..so yaa.then i wake up bathed.and called dhea.haha.cute ah she.she havent wake up.haha.so she was sleepy laa.talk to her also boring.haha.so then put down the fone went out to interchange and bought some stuff with my dadday.then went home..
then me went to next blk alone..to take some thing my mum ordered..food laa.then went home.watched tv.smsed dhea ask her to come early she sae ok.so yeh..waited for dhea to come then father went to take the cake.so yeh dhea came and yay atiqa was also there.she got to come thank god haha.then we went into my room and we chhose wat i was goin to wear and i wore my white see-through top and white skirt.haha.then they help me put on make up and all.and yea they bought 2 bags of present haah.so cute.from them and farhan.and then shalu came.yeaps.then yea continued wif the make up thingy and then iffa and her sis came.so yeaa.we were like jus hanging outx in my bedroom when THEY came.wtf.i mean feeza and fana and mai came.i dun mind them coming but it sorts of spoiled my mood.why?cus i was ashamed.you could smell it la the ciggarate and u can tell by the lips and the fucking bad breath and all.wtf.and pls la does your mama ever tell you how to dress when you come to that sort of occasioN?
i mean feeza was ok and fana was erm aiite but mai?i dun care if anyones gonna tell her or wat but she has changed a lot.A LOT.i know her back then early this year and she isnt who she use to be.nope.not.totally different.i wish she realise.c'mon la at your size wear something more covering la.wanna show off your fats for wat right.but watever la i dun care how she waanna dress but i am ashamed when all the pple look at how my "FRIEND" is.ASHAMED k.i noe she always dress liddat when she come to my house la when no one elso is around but now there;s a lot of pple right get it?? and wtf siah talking loud loud until everyone look at you and it wasnt even a good word and pple were like staring at you wtf??she wasnt ashamed but i was.i mean,look at my friends. my mum frens was there my aunties my neighbours and they look at the great friends i have.i wonder why they came. why they are still my frens after all they did.i want it all to end.its funnie how a friend can change jus becus of one guy.wtf la u can hav him all you want k.not like he loved you anyyway.bitch la.look at yourself and be ashamed.where is your body worth siah?
its sad that we are in the same class next yr.yess i am sad.but atleast i hav my shalu baybeh.i promise u shalu i will be YOUR friend.wont dissapoint u k dun worray.welll ya they left early anyway the 3 of them.while they wanted to leave they met my mum at the kitchen and my mum's frens we like eh wait llaa until she cut the cake and LUCKILY they say nvm.i dont want them there man.so yeh.was relieved when they left.and then tallked and sit around wif my friends[they are wat i call frens,wee dhea shalu and iffa]..and then they were forcing me to cut the cake.sso yea b4 that took pic wif my dad then my mum then my brothers then my whole familay den wif my frens and the cake! its so nice as in it has a butterfly in the middle.yepx.cute right.wee!stiill have it on my fridge so ya.haha.
then atiqa baybee had to leave laa cus azman scold alreadie they want to go next door.wtf.then umph ya ppls started to leave but nt all laa.and then yea i went into my room and started to open all the presents.haha.love what farhan dhea and wee gave me.YELLOWCARD CD!!! and the black eyeshadow from RED EARTH.and a friendship band and a cushion which says GROOVY. haha.wtf.cute siah them and there was a long note frm dhea so sweet haha even my father read it haha.and then yea counted all the monnay i got guess wat jus for my burfdae i got 246 bugs.and plus my hari raya money got 210.so i have $456 in all.woah rich seh.hahaas.wtf.then talked on the fone wif dhea and shalu..and slept.sad eh my burfdae only last one dae.haha.wtf.
kept on listening to the mustapha song by daphne and sly and oli and taufik.hahas.i love thaat song laa.all becus of shalu laa!! wtf. ahaha
sayang sayang dan zhi shi wo ai ni wont you ,wont you fall in love with me?
love you all!!
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:59 PM
[music]-[yellowcard-twentythree]
i got to tell you that i waited all my life
for someone like you to come make the wrong things right
i know you didnt have all the answers all the time
but you can't tell me that you never told a lie
i have turned fourteen and you're still mad at me
so much that i said to you and i want to take it back now
fourteen and its so sad to me
you tell the world i'm dead to you
when you know my heart waits for your call
was it fun for you to watch me fall apart
and suffocate me while you held me in your arms
i swear to god i wish you never let me go
sometimes i hope i'll never hear from you again
you gave me hope love and care
and now at fourteen i realise your lies
you use to say i was the one
yes,i was the one,the one you cheated on .
i remember times i wish will never end
but i have learn that nothing last forever
still i wish you did cause in a way
i just cannot figure out the way to live without you
tears from my eyes have rolled down my cheeks
she wishes 150104` never happened //
well just a little something i wrote.its lame i guess.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:34 PM
