SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

If there's one person in this world I wish I can understand, he would be my father. Because I really don't understand his every action. But I love him like how I loved him when I was a kid, still.

If there's one person in this world I wish I can be as strong as, she would be my mother. Because I think she's incredibly patient. You'd be amazed to realise that the strongest people on earth, are our mothers.

If there's one person in this world I wish I can change, she would be me. I don't know why I feel this way, I don't know why I always get hurt. I don't know how pain satifies me. and, I don't see how going away would solve everything. But I'm going, anyway.

If there's one moment I wish I can capture and carry on forever, it would be impossible. Because there's so many memories I don't want to ever forget.

My four bestfriends and all the people close, I love. They don't know how much the mean to me. They don't know that I remember every little thing they say. Some good, some bad. I analyse every word used; I really cannot help that. But I remember, I remember. I remember every word you say.

As cliche as it may sound, people come and go. But just so you know, if you were ever there whenever I needed someone to talk to, if you were ever there to listen to my cries, if you were ever there to tell me to be strong, if you were ever there to hold me tight, if you were ever there to make me smile or laugh when I could'nt, if you were ever there for a certain phase in my life or if you were ever there to make me cry.

And if I never ever did thank you. If I never ever told you that I love you. Here's to you, whoever you are. You make me feel blessed. Thank you. (:

You, can never ever be replaced.
xx

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:17 AM

Monday, July 23, 2007

Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:29 AM

Sunday, July 22, 2007

I'll always remember the late afternoon.

But everybody's got something,
they have to leave behind.

I've finally found the strength to leave this place, leave this unspoken pain and inferiority behind.

I'm leaving, everyone.
I'm leaving.

I'm going away, way away.
Where your love won't matter too much.

Should'nt matter, anymore.

But I'd rather;
you take me away.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:54 PM

Friday, July 20, 2007

How can I say that I'll be okay?
When I'm unsure of it myself.

And that it hurts, only when I'm breathing.
My heart only breaks when it's beating.
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming.

I wanna run to you.
Won't you hold me in your arms and keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you.
But if I come to you,
tell me, will you stay?
Or will you run away?

The things I'll never say.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:27 PM

This is fucking frustrating.

Don't ask me if that's the problem. Go straight to the point. I can tell there's something you want to find out.

Somehow you know exactly whats going on but you'e denying it. You don't want to believe its true. Why?

Its not like your heart's at stake here. It never was. You're very close to perfect, you know. Just ask everyone else, they'll tell you.

Sincerely, I don't know why I'm still here even.

When I have my withdrawal issues done, I'll be free.

I'll go somewhere no one will find me.
I'll be free, wishing you'd be around.
We'd be isolated, but not alone.

All these feelings, these yesterday's feelings.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
5:06 AM

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Brilliant disguise, when you hold me and I'm free.

I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude:
Sometimes the distance is more than what two people can use.

Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me?
Was I wrong to believe in your melody?
There's a light in your eyes;
did you leave that light burning for me?

Is there a chance, in hell or heaven.
That there's something here to build on.
Do you just pick up the pieces, after they fall?

Should I keep on waiting;
or does love keeps on fading away?

Its been a while since I see you so, how have you been?
Did you get my letter I wrote you -but I did not send.

I tried to call your number.
But the voice that I heard on the phone;
I recognized but he told me the number was wrong.

And I need you now tonight,
and I need you more than ever.
And if you'd only hold me tight,
we'd be holding on forever.

And we'll only be making it right;
cuz we'll never be wrong together.
We can take it to the end of the line,
your love is like a shadow on me all of the time.

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark.

I really need you tonight.
Forever's gonna start tonight//

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:12 AM

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I almost died today.

Almost.

And I did the most horrible thing again, I fell alsleep while watching HarryPotter.

Somebody!

Anybody!

SHOOT ME!

& it all depends on tomorrow.
Just one more day.
One more day.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:49 PM

The meaning of being lonely, anybody?

This is it. This is the end.

Or so i thought.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:16 AM

Monday, July 16, 2007

Well if you know the situation so well, if you think you know whats going on, why don't you tell it straight to my face? It won't matter so much if I deny it, would it? Just let me know you know whats going on, let me know so I won't go on living in self denial. Let me know, let the pain seep in faster. Just let me know.

I wish you'd stop pretending. Cuz I know you know whats going on. We've been keeping everyone and ourselves in the dark for far too long and I wish it would come to an end soon.

please?

inferiority complex.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:23 PM

In tears, so close to giving up.

I feel all alone.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:39 AM

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I hate everything.

Everything.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:14 AM

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

And so I talked to Mark Tan, my engine maths teacher and he was all so nice about it. But I still feel so bloody bad and guilty. I need to talk to my careperson, LimTengKuan about it soon. Like maybe tomorrow? ):

I want to get out of that place so terribly but yet I feel so so so so fucking guilty.

I feel so fucking vulnerable. Like am I going to regret this later? Or is this really what I should be doing? I really don't know. My mum understands me fully but I really don't know how to break it to my dad. Like I wonder what he's going to say? But then again is'nt that too obvious to preach?

And I certainly don't know how I'm going to survive another say, 9 or 10 months without studying. I really want to study. Even now. But when I look at my books and stuffs, it just make me cry, all the freaking time.

Everyday in school, I hear myself from deep down inside; "What am I doing here? I don't belong here." Boy, does that hurt. And even though I've always been a dreamer, when I stepped into the school; I stopped thinking about the future totally. Cuz I don't see myself in the future doing anything close to it. Never, ever.

I guess I got to be strong about this. Afterall, is'nt that what chasing your dreams is all about?

I can't wait for the weekend. ):

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:33 AM

Monday, July 09, 2007

I don't know why;
but when I look in your eyes
I feel something that seems so right
You've got yours I've got mine
I think I'm loosing my mind
Cuz I shouldn't feel this way
Catch me I'm falling for you
And I don't know what to do

How can something so wrong?
Feel so right all along
Catch me I'm falling for you

How can time be so wrong
For love to come along?
Catch me I'm falling you

How can love let it go;
When it has no place to go?
And I can't go along pretending
That love isn't here to stay
Catch me I'm falling for you.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
9:41 AM

We'll find a place where the sun still shines.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:27 AM

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Fucking hell, I'm so annoyed.

Seems like I can never ever run away from these sorrows uh. And please don't tell me I should solve it, not run away from it. Cuz really, there's nothing left to be solved.

I waited so fucking long for this days but you're just not here; still.

Why do the God hate me so much?

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:19 PM

Friday, July 06, 2007

Cause nothing else, nothing else hurts this bad. And I'm getting all sick and tired of laughing and smiling when I really don't mean it.

Oh how I try, to be just okay.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
10:12 AM

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

I need to change;

1)My eye colour
2)My hair colour
3)My course of study
4)ME

I'm going to do 1) and 2) tomorrow hopefully. But 3) and 4)? I really don't know. ):

Anyway, to all the people in the world who claims that they hate liars, well you really should hate me. (: Cuz I'm a compulsive liar. But I don't really care either. So too bad you fucktards, whoever you people may be. But anyway, met Surya at work today and after cashing out our checks, we went to ParkwayParade to meet Michelle who was there shopping with her school mates. She passed Surya some stuff. Went to CoffeeBean to talk about stuff. Omg surya's damn hilarious lah please! We were talking about Rizal almost all the way. Haha that boy is too cute. And its just so fucking funny how she talks to him like he's her bf and all. when she already have a bf. she made me laugh so bad la omg. I LOVE!

And then I went to work and omfg I swear Penly look damn good in his manager suit. LOL. YEAY! PENLY'S MANAGER NOW PEOPLE! I LOVE! AND CHARLES POURED 4 CUPS OF ICE RAMBUTAN ONTO ME LA OMGGGGG. HAHAHAHAHA. and charles is just so good when it comes to annoying the shit out of me. lol. and I managed to get Amri, Rizal and myself share a mud pie! LOL. I'm just so smart la omg. And Rizal is so lame la please. He claimed he could SMELL mudpie from station 4 thats why he came into the kitchen. LOL. I swear CCSG is super love. Plus I'm probably doing closing with Amri, Rizal and Mira next Saturday! I SO CANNOT WAIT. My FIRST TIME doing closing after so long of working. HEEHEE. (=

So you see today I skipped school again and I spent my day with people of love from ccsg and look how happy I was. (= (: (= (: (=

Plus I've been locking myself in my room so how wonderful can life get. HUHU. Except tmr I'll have to go to school and oh, that actually hurts. ): BUT I'm meeting MIRA and we're probably going to watch Transformers!! ((:

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:59 PM

I never thought things would get any worse from the past few days. but I was so wrong. so so so wrong. And you have absolutely no fucking idea how much it hurts. No idea at all. Its not only the constant hurt at the back of my head; which the doctor described as tension headaches but did not give any medication for, btw. Now I can also feel my heart hurting. Like physically hurting. I feel like theres something pushing my heart back that I have to inhale really really deep to breathe. and it hurts. it hurts so bad. I've never felt so much pain before. Never ever.

You know how sometimes you think of something but you keep the idea and thought away cuz you don't think its real or you don't want to believe it cuz you know you fucking hell won't be able to take it if its true? So you seriously keep it way inside and sometimes the idea doesnt even appear anymore. But then you talked to someone and the person could come with the same fucking idea. And when you talked to others about how you can't believe the person could have the same thought too; they confessed to you that they had the fucking same idea too. Coincidence? I don't think so. I really don't think so.

And for the fucking first time someone told me that my - is a hypocrite and I could fucking agreed with him. I did'nt feel angry or upset or anything. Cuz its fucking true la omg.

I don't know to put anything else into words. But I guess, I've got to give another day in school a go. I wish there's someone to talk to. But its 3 in the morning and every sane person out there is sleeping or have something really important to do and so there's no one to talk to. But then atleast I feel alone at home cuz there's really noooo one here. How about feeling alone in school, when there's a million other people? fucking psycho uh.

I heard crying your hearts out can make you feel better. But what do you do when you just cannot cry anymore? Tell what do you do, when it all falls apart? I took pills to make me sleep. But goodness gracious no, its not working. it hurts more la omg. I'm losing every reason to smile like I mean it.

I don't want love to destroy me, like what it did to my family.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:40 AM

Monday, July 02, 2007

I hate school so so so so much I swear I'm very open to the idea of going over to KL and stay and settle with my mum. ): The thought of leaving everyone and everything here hurts so bad.

My heads starting to hurt real bad again and I'm very sleepy but I feel so guilty cuz I've got some engineering maths to do. BUT I FUCKING DON'T CARE EITHER. URGH FUCK IT LA OKAYYYY. but I DON'T!!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:09 PM

I feel like laughing. HAHAHAHA. I'm actually studying! HOW MF COOL IS THAT. And omg did I mention I got into APPLIED SCIENCE CLUB SUB COM! Which means next year I can run for PRESIDENT! HOW MF UNCOOL IS THAT! I mean really, president of school of applied SCIENCE anyone? OH, such bore. And if I go for the camp, I'd have to miss deafcon which is so sedih please? Okay can.

YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? MY DAD IS COMING BACK TODAY AND I SENSE A SHITTY DAY TMR. OH FUCK IT. AT LEAST I'LL BE AT WORK TILL 7PM. BUT ARGH THIS SUCK LA PLEASE. ):

but now I've got a totally new genre to emo with. OLDIES! LOL. OMG really, the lyrics are just so fucking beautiful lah. Like the on my blog now. Plus the music's nice!! HAHAHA OMG I'M SO SO SO WEIRD, I KNOW.

Every day I wake up, then I start to break up. Lonely is a man without love. Every day I start out, then I cry my heart out. Lonely is a man without love! I cannot face this world that's fallen down on me. So, if you see my ~~girl~~boy please send ~~her~~him home to me. Tell ~~her~~him about my heart that's slowly dying. Say I can't stop myself from crying.
-a man without love by Engelbert Humperdink

HAHAHA. OMG I AM SO GOING CRAZY. LIKE WHOOOSHHH! AND I SO CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS FRIDAY! MY MUM'S COMING BACK FOR 3 DAYS! YEAHHOOOO. (:

Okay I'm going to do more partial fraction now. BOOHOO ):

BYE!

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:37 AM

Sunday, July 01, 2007

So yesterday I was at work and was very sleepy until some people spoke about their clubbing experiences! OMG I got bloody excited can. So I told Dhea about it and she got all excited too. And since our other 2 bestfriends are too short, we shall go first la!

Okay right whatever this entry was for. Shit I'm super late for work. AND ITS JULY ALREADY!! 7% GST Y'ALL!

BYE.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:19 PM