SAVE ME; someone's bound to hear my cries.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Hello [:

My name is Nur Atiqah.

I am too young to worry.

I was born on the 4th of December &

that makes me a sagittarian.

& at one point of my life,

giving up seemed like the only option.

But I decided to be strong,

I believed and had faith.

It wasn't easy, believe me.

& thank God,

I didn't do anything too stupid.

Because now, the worst is over.

And finally, life is looking better.

"I want to fall in love with You".

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:44 PM

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

There's a time in everyone's life where all you can see is the years passing by. & I have made up my mind that those days are gone.

I've found that you find great strength in your moments of weakness.

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
7:11 AM

Sunday, September 23, 2007

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:47 PM

Saturday, September 22, 2007

So yesterday I had to bring Milo in cuz of some annoying reasons. So instead of sleeping at our outside balcony, he now sleeps with me in my room! :D

Of course my other kpo and annoying cats are jealous and they want to come into my room so bad too but too bad luh. HAHA. But anyway I think they didn't realise he was sleeping so peacefully in my room the whole night until recently I heard Mas pushing my room door and he started meow-talking HAHAHA so cute. Its like he's trying to say something but everything comes out as the meowy sound.

I started laughing so bad hahaha and he just continued luh.

Sigh my cats are getting more humanly its scary.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:40 PM

Maybe if you're still within reach, things would be different.

Cause then you'll see my heart is in the saddest state it has ever been.

You'll dry my tears and make me laugh again.

I know you would.

You've done it times and times before.

While everyone else told me to smile,

you seem to be the only one who understands that I really can't.

You agreed with me when I wanted you too

and you told me off when I needed it.

Sigh.

Just that I never had a friend who seem to listen to me so well.

No one ever said the words you said,

the words I need to hear.

And it was such a miracle how I opened up to you so easily.

I've never been good with words;

at least not the ones which describes how I exactly feel inside.

But you could figure them out somehow.

I just wish I can find someone else right now,

who can be the friend you were to me.

But it scares me so much now,

why do everyone I know fades away in the end?

It scares me so fucking much now,

I've been so low for so fucking long.

And theres no one.

No one.

Sure I've got friends who care to listen sometimes.

But somehow I could tell all of those I've tried to talk to,

get so fucking tired of talking to me.

But you never were.

When I felt so fucking shitty I just had to message you.

And even though I didn't try to make it obvious,

you always knew I was falling apart.

And I never did have to call you.

You always called me all at the right moment.

You had your issues,

and I tried so hard to understand.

I don't know, maybe I just wasn't a good listener to you.

Maybe you thought I never really cared.

Sure, I can never be the person you were to me.

But I truly cared.

You still ask me if I'm okay whenever we meet.

I guess I should be thankful for that.

But each time, I'm forced to lie.

I tell you I'm good and sometimes I add in a fake smile.

I guess you think I'm fine.

I guess you think its all over.

Its not,

and it hurts me more now than ever.

Do you know I still feel so much pain?

Everyday I tell myself I want to change my life.

I make plans with my friends

and I enjoy my day.

But when its time to go home,

I feel like I should just die there and then.

All I really want is to talk to someone who really cares.

All I really want is to know someone is always there -for real, not for say.

All I want is for these tears to stop flowing without me realising.

All I want is to be able to sleep at night.

All I really want is to be happy

.All I want is to be loved.

Am I asking for too much?

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:54 AM

Monday, September 17, 2007

Who knows how to love you,

without being told?

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:05 AM

Sunday, September 16, 2007

If only time could take away,

the truth that lies beneath this pain.

It brings me back to what I'd hope for this to be.

But here and now,

I'm on my own.

I've lost the will to carry on,

please shine a light to guide me home.

Will you take me from this place I call,

my home -its forever broken.

I have nothing in this heart at all,

this life seems meaningless, unspoken.

Words can't convey,

I'll move on anyway,

I can't hide behind what I don't know.

Have I lost it all?

If only time could take away,

all the fights, the will to save.

What was left behind,

you know I tried,

I tried to save this fate

But here and now,

I'm on my own

For I have walked this road alone,

I gave my best to let this fall

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:52 PM

Friday, September 14, 2007

looking at the reflections of myself

without a mirror i see someone else

your laughing at me cuz you don't see my soul

you think the smile i wear says i'm happy,

but you don't really know.

everydays a fight

soon i'll have no tears left here to cry

jump to the words i speak

when will somebody hear me?

i'm talking, i'm pleading i need you to understand me

i'm screaming at the top of my lungs its so hard (can't you hear me)

hear my lonely cry (i need somone to love me)

hear my lonely cry (ooh)

why can't you hear me?

i'm catching tear drops

when i hear the phone ring

i wanna say so bad whats really wrong,

whats hurting me.

im latching out im breaking down

feels like my lifes crashed in around me

when i hear in the words i speak

can you help me?

sometimes i wish i could sleep

cuz when i sleep my life is so much better

so busy trying to please

be what you want me to be

i dream when someone is gonna take care of me?

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:11 PM

Monday, September 10, 2007

More than anything,

I want to see you boy.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:42 PM

How did I get here with you, i'll never know

I never meant to let it get so, personal

After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you

I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know

And I won't let it show

You won't see me cry

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
8:13 AM

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Life can take your dreams and turn them upside down. Friends will talk about you when you're not around. Reality can really cut you down to size. People make you promises they'll never keep. Soon you'll know why people say talk is cheap. And life resembles on big compromise.

Some where down the line you'll face the judgement day. When the angels look at you, what will you say? They've got a way of knowing who qualifies. Keep on shining, keep on smiling. Don't lose faith and don't lose heart. When you're crying, just keep trying to remind yourself.

You're a shining star.

Yes you are.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:01 AM

Friday, September 07, 2007

You don't have to stay forever,

no, I don't need/want you that much.

Its just that nights like this,

nights like this;

when I feel soooo fucking lonely,

when I need someone else to think for me,

when I really really do need someone to tell me what has to be done,

when I need someone to laugh at,

when I need someone to cry to,

when I need direction,

when I need the reassurance that my life is still worth it,

when I need that care and concern,

when I need to know someone's with me.

That's when I need you.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:18 AM

Thursday, September 06, 2007

The days I wish I would've slept,
the things I wish I could've kept.
The times I wish that I'd had fun,
the things I wish I'd never done.

The days I just sat and cried,
because of all the things I only tried to do,
because of all the thing I only tried to say.

The moment that I heard you cry,
I wanted you to know;
I wanted to hold you,
I wanted to make it go away.
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, alright.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
4:37 AM

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I just wish there was so much more

About me and you

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:52 PM

Saturday, September 01, 2007

What was he feeling? See, I never knew. Was he in pain? Was he suffering? All I knew was I needed his love, I needed him to hold me so I wouldn't be so afraid.

He was afraid of love.

He couldn't give it and he couldn't receive it either.
Not letting ourselves be loved -because we're too afraid of giving ourselves to someone we might lose.

Everybody's going to die.

But most people don't believe it.

Just imagine a little bird on your shoulder. And everyday you say "Is this the day I'm going to die, little bird? Am I ready? Am I living the life I wanna live? Am I the person I want to be? ".

If we can accept the fact that we can die at anytime, we lead our lives differently.
So, everyday you say, "Is this the day?".

The tension of opposites.

"Life pulling you back and fourth like a rubberband. Pull you one way you think thats what you wanna do. Pull you another way, you think thats what you have to do."

Sounds like a wrestling match. So who wins?

"Love. Love always wins."

We think we don't deserve love. That when we let it in, we become soft. We just don't ever realise, love is the only rational thing.

"Love is the only rational thing."

Let it come in.

somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
12:27 PM