Tuesday, July 10, 2007
And so I talked to Mark Tan, my engine maths teacher and he was all so nice about it. But I still feel so bloody bad and guilty. I need to talk to my careperson, LimTengKuan about it soon. Like maybe tomorrow? ):I want to get out of that place so terribly but yet I feel so so so so fucking guilty.I feel so fucking vulnerable. Like am I going to regret this later? Or is this really what I should be doing? I really don't know. My mum understands me fully but I really don't know how to break it to my dad. Like I wonder what he's going to say? But then again is'nt that too obvious to preach? And I certainly don't know how I'm going to survive another say, 9 or 10 months without studying. I really want to study. Even now. But when I look at my books and stuffs, it just make me cry, all the freaking time. Everyday in school, I hear myself from deep down inside; "What am I doing here? I don't belong here." Boy, does that hurt. And even though I've always been a dreamer, when I stepped into the school; I stopped thinking about the future totally. Cuz I don't see myself in the future doing anything close to it. Never, ever.I guess I got to be strong about this. Afterall, is'nt that what chasing your dreams is all about?I can't wait for the weekend. ):
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
1:33 AM
