Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Wayne Thunder. You're my shining starr.
I've always known The Suns but I got to know Wayne personally through Levan sometime last year. By then, The Suns were already pretty well known in Singapore and yet it was truly amazing, how humble he was. He was supposed to teach me drums but somehow we both couldnt make a date at that time but we said to each other, "soon". and now we know that day would never come.
He smsed me pretty frequently, while we were trying to initiate a time and date. But I was busy with the Os. I was not coping well with the stress then and somehow each time i spoke to wayne, he made me feel better. So now i realise i never thanked him for believing in me thru those days.
I remember replying to his smses, smsing him and stuff. I remember how he can get all random in the conversation and go into something like "have you eaten dinner?". I remember talking to him about the gig going on at DXO when belo, dhea and me went for the boat ride at esplanade. I remember all the silly stuff i use to tell him. Now i wish i still have those smses in my phone. cuz after i changed my number, i lost his contact number. that was it.
Did i bother getting his number or telling him my new number? Sadly, No.
But wayne's a good friend, after those times, and despite the million other people i bet he met in every gig he attended, i always know that he remembers me -even though I was never there for him. He never failed to surprise me with the myspace comments and such. somehow, despite not being there physically, he always there. and he's the only person who called me Nura cuz apparently my name is too long. Ahh so no one will ever call me nura ever again.
When i received the news, i was in so much shock. It did'nt sink in to me just yet but i was seriously shocked. I was in a lab session and my classmates realized my expression changed. When i told them the news, they could'nt believe it either. they don't know wayne, but they thought he was too young to go now. i knew i could'nt go for touch rugby training, i just was'nt myself. and at the same time i knew i couldnt go for the wake, i just couldnt take it.
When I got home, somehow i knew i had to log into myspace. and oh god, there i see it. enough to bring me down to tears. A comment from Wayne Thunder. Dated 15th of may. He said i must go for rock for good! Ah of course I have to go for this one Wayne, I never did attend any of the other gigs you told me to. I never did try to find the time. But i'm going for this one wayne, i'm going to rock for you. And i cannot help but realise that if i had logged on myspace a little earlier, a day earlier, i could have replied to his comment. i could have made him smile, like how he always could make me smile -for the very last time.
and now i will never get a random comment from him ever again. you know, i think i missed him without even realizing it. i did'nt realize the kind of friend i had in him. And now when i look at photographs of him, i still cannot accept the fact that i'll never see him again. i know i should but it hurts too much, you know.
I'm such a terrible person, aint i. he's such a wonderful person and i'm just too much of a bitch. I did'nt even attend the funeral of someone who could make me feel better, someone who could make me smile. I did'nt attend a funeral for a friend. I lost a friend.
I'm going to miss you wayne. you made me smile each time i talked to you. every images in my mind of you are those of you smiling. and somehow i wish i can see you for the very last time. i miss you already.
Rest In Peace.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:51 PM
