Sunday, February 18, 2007
I'm super duper bored, I really don't know what to do. I've been blog hopping eversince I came online. I visit every single person's (whom I know) blog again and again, hoping they've updated something interesting enough for me to read within a day. BUT NO! Start updating properly can! Lol. Not like I do update all the time, but who cares! No one really read this shit anyway! But you people are so annoying! BLOG MORE LA PLEASE! I DO READ ALL OF YOUR ENTRIES, OKAY! No matter how fucked up and fake and crappy they can be! Just update okay! Keep me updated with your boring lives can!
HAHA. whoever bothered to read my last paragraph must be really bored! BORED? TAG MY BOARD! OR maybe you can ALSO do something INTERESTING LiKe tYpInG yOuR bLoG eNtRy lIkE tHiS! OR if i tpye lkie tihs can you uenstdrnad waht i'm siayng? OR YOU CAN ALSO TYPE IN CAPS.
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Things anyway, are not as good as how I let it seem to be. I'm in the most fucked up situation anyone can ever be, stranded between my own hopes and dreams and my mum's. I'm confused and lost. I really am. Talking to Atiqah online was good. Even though we were'nt exactly talking in person. I got to let go of how I feel about this whole situation. I felt like there was a shoulder to cry on, even though there really was'nt. I feel slightly better, but I know the nightmare's not over.
I guess I'll never be the daughter she wants me to me. I'm just never good enough for her. Never. I've always disappointed her with the choices I've made. But, why? I don't want to ever be hypocritical, I'm not going to pretend I'm happy when I really am not. I'm not going to pretend I like doing something when I don't. I'm sorry if its going to hurt you. I just cannot do that.
I'm just not someone who pretends to be happy, to make others happy even though I know its not right. If thats what a good person is, then I'm sorry, I'm not good. If that makes me bad, if it makes me evil to believe in my dreams, then I'm bad and I'm evil.
And I'm sorry I'm not a straight A's student. I'm sorry I'm nothing like your son and daughter. But I can never be what you want me to be. I can never settle for something so out of my league. Never. I'm sorry I'm a terrible daughter and niece. I do love the both of you much but really, I don't want to continue pretending.
I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:07 AM
