Friday, January 12, 2007
I think miss a particular friend.
She was'nt exactly the nicest but she was something. She may have hurt me in four ways or another but I never really despise her. Sincerely, what she did to me was really painful, at that point of time. I don't feel betrayed anymore. But once in a while it really makes me wonder, if a true friend would do that to you. Okay, dismiss true. Would a friend ever do something they know could very well make you feel like you should end your life? I don't think so.
I think I tend to Forgive and Forget. I get over it, yes, I forgive you. But though I don't ever talk about it again, that does'nt mean I forget. Perharps there's something about me that I myself did not know. Maybe it happens subconsciously. There was many moments of which we spent together, where I find myself thinking, What the hell am I doing here, with her? Was'nt she the one who tried to take it all from me? Why am I being sooo nice and caring to someone who clearly does'nt deserve this friendship I'm offering?
Despite all that, its a wonder how I cried with her when she was down and sad. Its wonder how we could spend hours on the phone, talking about nothing at all, just laughing our asses off. Its a wonder, I tell you. A wonder.
Seeing her change into someone so distant was a heart wrenching journey. Sometimes I wonder if its the fault of those around her, why did we let her change so extremely? Why did'nt we care? How come it did'nt slap us in the face when we realised how wild she became? Why was I so being such a bad friend? Why? Why?
I wish things would turn out like it was before. But like all the similar wishes, it would'nt.
The history will never be a future, of that I'm sure.
There's no such thing as "Like it was before" or "Just like how we used to be" in any friendships or relationships. Once time has passed, once the hurt is done, its over. It really is over.
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
11:59 AM