Friday, December 22, 2006
As much as I love the fact that I have a job, sometimes (especially now) I feel the strongest urge to stay at home and rot. I'll be working later at 6pm and as much as I'm looking forward to it, I wish I can call in and tell them I can't make it today and please get a replacement or something. Why am I contradicting myself so badly? I know I've said this before but I think I'm at my lowest state right now. The last time I said that it was because of stress over school and olvls. This time, its because of somethings which are oh so stupid and yet I don't know why I'm feeling just as down, or even worst. I've been feeling too lonely these days that I've resort to writing in a diary again. Something I have not been doing since like ages.Seems like everytime I find someone I can really talk to, someone I'm about to let in fully, without having any lust feelings, I turn around and decide I should get away. Because I'm afraid someone I trust, someone I open up fully to would hurt me again. And this is exactly what is happening. Jealousy bites me on the ass when it comes to you. I've laid my cards, but you seem to be touching them, picking them up and putting them back to where they were. Why is it so hard to know? Why is it so hard to read? Again, I think I should just die. ):
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:58 PM
