Saturday, November 04, 2006
Yesterday i discovered something which would scare the shit out of me until the day i die.
What do you say to someone who has the ability to "read" a person, and tell you everything about that person? Well, maybe not everything. But things she really would not know because she have never heard things about the person or even met that person? What do you say to her when she said all the right things? What would you say to her? How do you comprehend the fact that oh, she's one of your closest friends?
I don't think i'm going to mention her name here but my loves, people like Feeza, Diyanah, Ria, Sarah and Carine were there with me. What she said about my father was super true. There was nothing bad about it anyway, since my father is undeniably the best father ever. But she mentioned something, something so bad it hurts to keep inside. You see, i don't know if its true. But so far i don't think its true at all. And oh god, please don't let it be true. ):
I was taken aback by what she said initially because it all seemed so true. I first teared when she said all the things about my dad. Those things have always made me proud. And i cried because, i was so thankful to god that my daddy is really how i think he is. not like i needed a confirmation or anything, you know. But i was so filled with gratitude and i felt like i miss my father so much. Which i really do.But there was another one thing she said. It hit me everywhere real hard. Because of all the things she had mentioned, i feel mostly uncertain by this one. It hurts because as far as i'm concern, its not true. But there is a chance of it being true. Maybe not now, but perharps in the future. And i'm so afraid of it. Afraid.I was so afraid it turn into anger. (Say sorry to Dhea for pissing her off). But then i started crying over and over again. I tried to study when i reached home. But i began crying and i could'nt concentrate for nuts. Thank god mummy did'nt see. Or.... or, things are bound to get worst. I'm not the type of person who would cry at a sudden thought or something but i've changed into someone like that. Even as i'm typing this, my eyes are filled with tears. I abhor having to grow up, and forcing to face the fact that all the people you love, particularly your dad and mum, won't be there for too long. Remember how we use to be when we were young? How nothing could stop us from being truly purely happy. How your mummy and daddy can fix everything for you. When i fell and skided my knees and cried, i knew my mum and dad would come and kiss the pain away. Even now, i still feel very much secured when i have my parents beside me. Now that my dad is working in KL, i miss him even more each day. I remember how when i was young, i use to rush to the door every night my dad return home from work. I remember how i would cry on the phone if he returns a little too late. I remember how he taught me to read almost everthing we could get hold of. Thinking of it, my dad was the one who triggers my love for books. I remember kissing him on his cheeks. And the feel of his chin after he shave. I remember sitting on his lap watching tv. I remember how he use to bring home EGG TARTs on certain nights. Why do you people i love egg tarts so much? I remember how my daddy would make sure NOT a single cockroach gets near me. He really made sure not one got anywhere near me. i'm seriouly serious. That is certainly the reason why i'm dead scared of cockroaches. Sincerely, until yesterday night, i never thought much about it. But its so damn clear now, My fellow bloggers,I have the best father in the whole wide whole. He's my hero and I love my father like I've never love anyone else. (Except of course, my mum.)Ahh, go tell your daddy you love him today! And don't forget to do the same tmr! (:
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
2:04 AM
