Sunday, January 30, 2005
it hurts knowing therefore i choose not to noe. the feeling doesn't hurt physically but emotionally, it's seeps through ur veins like a poison. why do i keep on saying sorry when i didn't do anything wrong? saying sorry for all of the mistakes i didn't do. i HATE U! how could u be so heartless. wat do u think i am? who do u think i am? am ijust person that passed through ur life? an object? it shows so much. i don't evne know wha tis happening to me. an dYOU! who do u think i am? ur maid? aren't i supposed ot be happy now? i noe u're not int he right state but pls cut me som slack will u. u choose everything for me including my happiness. do u noe that it's torture to me? no u dun. u think everything is so perfect and that i'm having so much fun in life and tha ti only think aboutmyself well pls if u could live a day as me, u'd noe whow hurt i am or how much pain and confusion i go through everyday.
u don't know anything. do u evne noe me? u noe the me that i show to ppl but deep inside, u don't noe me at all. u don't know what i go through. do u noe that because of u. i dun tell anyone how i feel. i am scared of rejection and i am not confident about everything? u scare me and though u tell me that everything will be fine and that just try my best and that i cna do watever i want, u shatter my dreams. right in front of my face. someone that i could rely on. how do u think i feel? u told me i could be everything that i dream it was all bullshit wasn't it. go away! do u know i hide in my room and cry? do u know that i remember all ur words? no u don't. soplease. u don't know nuts about me. do u noe i'm crying right now? no..
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
k so thats so my position.haha.yesterday i had a dream of him.and funneh thing,ive been having the same dream for quite some time but i havent told anyone about it.its just so..strange.and impossible.in a way i wish it would happen cus i really wanna know what he said but the dream always end right before that part.i just dont get it.i need to telll someone about it but hey no one would understand.at least i dont think anyone would.hehs.i am in excrutiating pain i swear.i just can make it on my own.its haunting me,the past.i know that its wrong and yet i just cant help it.k maybe my brain's trying to joke.hello up there,im not amused in any way! grrr.bleah.i miss my friends.haha.k so tmr's school and i have my frigging uition.my tuition teacher should realise how much boredness he gives me man.grrrr.he ,if not any other person have the abiity to kill me with his not doing anyhing.i mean,i have to stare at him for like 2 freaking hours hello? cant anybody understand my sorrow? k enough said.
so yesterday helped samir cleaned up his room and hell him now my rooms messy.bastard siah he i swear.haha.so yeh.i hate everything.ahha.k watever. love ya all.lovables!
somebody save me;
i'm not crazy or anything.
3:13 PM
